I'm excited by raw sex without love

Yes, Fred and I realized I get turned on by raw sex without love. One of our favorite foreplay dirty talking is to for him to say he just wants to fuck my sexy body alone, and that he doesn't care for me at all. This would make a lot of women angry and turn them off sex but for me, it has the opposite effect. I get aroused by the idea that my man is so superior to me that he can take and conquer me sexually without having to say nice things to me..

Fred likes to make me feel like his sex slave by drawing on my body. He would write words "slut " and "whore " or "Fred's sex slave" or "I worship Fred's cock" over my buttocks and breasts and my groin and  I'm not allowed to erase them. Wearing these words on my body the whole day made me very horny for him. Sometimes he would draw a cock and balls on my breast or my buttock. Once he even drew one between my breasts and made me wear a low cut dress. It was so embarrassing and yet so stimulating.

 Ill always remember one memorable day in Bali on one of our many trips abroad. We rented a  beautiful villa high up on a slope overlooking the beach. There was a private pool and a an open pavilion with two massage beds overlooking the ocean. Once we had settled down and unpacked, Fred sent the villa attendants off so we were all alone with privacy and yet open to the sky and sea. Fred grabbed me in the living room and we were kissing and tongueing and his hands were all over me, grabbing my buttocks and breasts. Soon I was completely stripped by him and we were both lying naked except for my high heels on the carpet  in the middle of the living room floor. He tied my hands behind my back which I love. He took up a fine permanent marker and started drawing and writing on my breasts. Soon both my breasts were covered with sexy writings and erotic  drawings like "I fucked Fred in Bali " or "this body belongs to Fred" and there were drawings like kamasutra, of a man and a woman in all positions. There were even a couple of drawings of a woman being fucked by three men, and drawings of a woman tied up. The drawings went to my belly and to my buttocks. Fred is a good drawer and By the time he was done, I was like a bitch in heat.

He took out my vibrator penis Mr Blue and put it deep inside my vagina secured it with strings around my neck. He also tied my breasts with rope so they  bulged forwards and looked bigger. That turns me on. Then he applied nipple clamps to my nipples. When he turned on the vibrating dildo, i was so excited, I started to gyrate and twist my bidy and moan in pleasure. He  started to bite me all over leaving love bites all over my neck and upper chest. And both breasts were also covered with love bites. So was my belly and my buttocks. I was so excited, within ten minutes I groaned "Im
going to cum!.." He stopped immediately and switched off Mr Blue,  and made me kneel up to suck
his cock which I did with gusto hungrily and with slurping sounds and saliva drooling down my lips. My hand was still tied behind my back so I couldn't use my hands but I coudknt get enough of his cock so I started to do strokes like mouth fucking, withdrawing until only the tip is in my mouth and swirling my tongue around the groove under his glans head, and the sliding my lips round his shaft until I was as deep as I could and then withdrawing back, up and down. When he started to stiffen and his balls began to contract, I withdrew and stopped.

He pulled the rope round my neck to drag me off my knees to my feet so we were standing very closely face to face and looking at each other's eyes breathless with lust and pleasure for a long minute. "How do you want me?" he began his usual domination talk which he had written for us . " I want every inch of you deep inside me, in my mouth, in my cunt, and in my anus...." I began my declaration of total submission to him, something that's what I feel is the ultimate in sex, " I want you with my heart and soul and from the depths of my cunt. I want you to penetrate me deeply, possess my body completely and fuck me until I lose myself totally with no hope of rescue."

"Beg me if you want me" he commanded. "Please let me be the one who has the privilege of being your sex slave and whore today. Please use my mind and body to pleasure yourself. Let me have the
great honor of having your cock in my body" I recited the words which made his cock harden and twitch against my belly and which also made me ooze cunt juice.

"Do you love me?" I asked. " No! I only want to use you and your body for my sexual pleasure only  as long as you interest me. When you no longer excite me, I will leave you." My nipples erected with this answer. I Can't help being aroused by a man who only wants me for sex. "You are to make yourself into my dream sex toy and doll as much as you can." I replied, " yes Fred, my love for you is free and comes with no strings attached. I love it when you are so manly and so strong, you can make cunts like me do anything you want. I need you inside me, between my legs. Please fuck me hard now. Take me. Use me. Cum inside me."

"Pleasure me first, " he commanded. Fred sat down in the sofa with a grand view of the ocean throug the French windows. He untied my hands and Mr Blue from my cunt. I knelt by his side me and started sucking his cock head and pumping his shaft. He put his hands behind my buttocks and started stroking my slit and clit. When I saw his cock stiffen and his balls rhythm change I would stop and knead the head of his cock firmly with my thumb to discourage his cumming. But before he relaxed I would start licking and sucking and pumping his shaft again. Whe I almost ready to cum, I would grunt and moan, and he would stop fingering my cunt.

After an hour of keeping both of us on the plateau of the edge of almost cumming but not yet, Fred said, " I'll cum now." I doubled my licking and sucking and nibbling of his cock and pumoed his shaft hard with my delicate hands. Soon he was arching his back and tensing his whole body. "Take my sperm!" He cried out as he came in my mouth. I took his cock out to spray his cum all over my face because Fred likes it. Then I looked at him as I showed him I swallowing his cum and licked my lips for cum several times. Then, without wiping the cum off my face, I leaned back on the sofa and started masturbatung myself. Fred whipped out his camera to video me. I grabbed Mr Blue and switched him on I and pumped my vagina with it, pressing the base against my clitoris, until I came with little moans and groans with grimacing for the benefit of Fred who likes to watch me masturbate and watch my face as I cum.

Sexual imprinting

Why do I like sex so much and why do I like abusive submissive rough sex with men who don't care for me? I figured it was because of all the porn vcds my father left behind after he deserted us for another woman. He didn't support us at all, and with my mum working two jobs, I was a latchkey child left to myself, and his legacy to me is a mind filled with the images of huge cocks pumping into lips and cunts and the women enjoying it. I feel what turns me on in sex is decided by the ideas that my parents and my upbringing when I was a child. And since I had practically no parental advice, all I had were the stash of porn videos, magazines, and blue books from my father. I was sexually imprinted at a vulnerable age by porn.

The good thing for me is that I actually enjoy doing what my lovers want from me, and I've had a very satisfying sex life as far as the sex is concerned. I actually hear the men comparing me favorably with their wives or girlfriends as I would do much more for them. After learning the ropes with my first boyfriend, I've had lots of compliments and very few complaints on my performance as a lover. In fact, I pay close attention to what my lovers want, and I'm always trying to get better at my bedroom techniques as well as acting provocatively. I'm try to get better at saying  what my lovers want to hear.

It is the time out of bed that is not good because I get attracted to men who just want to use me for sex and to feed their ego. I am sexually attracted to all the wrong men and I can't help it. I'm much more turned on by men who lust for me sexually and hunt me as a sexual prey, than by men who respect me too much and are content holding my hand. Even my husband Tom telling me he loves me during sex is sweet, but doesn't get me going. I get very wet when my man is pulling my hair and pumping me roughly from behind and asking me to "move your ass, you cunt!"after which I would gyrate my ass more.  I respect such a man more somehow, maybe because he doesn't need my love, and maybe I have an inferiority complex, feeling that because he is so high above me, I am not good enough to deserve his love anyway, I should be very honored just to have him being willing to fuck me. I remember once asking Fred, " do you love me Fred?" Inside his boutique, on our love sofa. We had closed the shop, and we were seated facing each other with my hand pumping his cock, and his
hand in my clit while we kissed. "I love the way you fuck" was his reply. "But do you love me as a person?" I asked. " I love the way you can completely surrender yourself to me when I'm screwing you" he said. " Do you love me when we aren't having sex?" I persisted. " I love you much more when my cock is inside you!" Fred teased. He could feel me getting wetter as he was finger fucking me, and knew I liked his answers. "Don't talk of love" he said, " I just like fucking your brains out." His answers made me so horny, I mounted him on the sofa and placed his hands on my breasts as I murmured, " yes, please fuck my brains out!" I was oozing fluid all over his groin and I had an womderfully intense orgasm. After that, Fred knew I like pure sex rather than love and that I really enjoyed his dirty talking during sex. It's terrible but for me, sex is much better with men who only want sex from me. I think subconsciously, I feel that I'm not good enough to be loved, and don't expect my lovers to love me. In fact if they respected me too much, maybe they weren't good enough for me. i get turned on by men who think of me as a bimbo to impress for an easy fuck.

Sometimes I just want to spend time together as a couple doing ordinary things but I don't get much of it after my first boyfriend John. It was sex and sex and sex until Tom came around. He liked watching movies and holding hands and even shopping with me. I didn't enjoy sex with him but until we planned to get married I was still getting some wild sex in the side. Sigh, I can't seem to get the best of both love and sex.

Park bench sex with stranger

We continued to stand close together like lovers with his arms on my waist and his groin pressed against my back, and my hands still pressed back against his thighs . After he came, he became soft but I was still burning with desire from two weeks of tittilation by Fred and now this, so I didn't pull away despite being in public. "Can you walk me home ?" I heard myself saying,"it's dark and dangerous and I'm afraid to walk through the park alone."  I turned my head and look at him as I said this. "Yes, sure, of course I will," he replied.  So when my stop came, I grabbed his hand and pulled him along. I didn't want to chat, I just wanted to finish off the adventure. We took the feeder bus and sat at the back together. I didn't talk, I put my hand round his neck and starting kissing him on the lips. We frenched until we reached the park. Actually,my house was one stop before the park, but I needed an excuse to walk through the park which was not well lit at night and very dark at certain places. I took his hand and led him straight to my favorite park bench. There were no lights overhead, and it was among the darkest spots in the park. It was at this very same special park bench where I
had lost my viriginity a decade ago, where I had led Randy, the taxi driver, for a revenge fuck, where

I first had sex with Fred etc.

This special place near my home makes me relaxed and helps me get into the mood for sex. If someone is a potential, i often bring him here and start there. We sat down side by side and I continued our kissing. He had one hand round my waist and one on my breast. I felt his cock, it was still soft but stirred a bit. I massaged hsi cock through his trousers. He put his hands under my blouse and removed my bra. He pulled my blouse up and starting kissing and sucking my breast and nipples whilst he kneaded the other nipple with his fingers. I arched my back with desire and moaned with pleasure. He got harder when he saw the glazed lust in my eyes. I pulled his shorts and underwear down and started rubbing his the shaft of his cock up and down. He was now erect and almost hard. I bent down next to him and starting licking and sucking the tip of his cock whilst I pumped his shaft up and down with my hand. I'm short, so he could reach around my butt, and started to finger fuck my very wet cunt. I sucked and pumped him until he was rock hard and ready.

He made me stop and sit up. He kissed me whilst his hand went between my legs and he played and rubbed my clitoris. Like every other man, he was too rough. I guess my clitoris is much more sensitive than other women's. I didn't say anything but I took his hand and guided his finger to my clitoris and showed him the delicate gentle rotary movements that I like. I let him kiss and masturbate me until I was almost coming. I was still pumping his shaft to keep it hard.

When I was ready, I stood up on my three inch heels, and sat down on his hard cock with my back to him. I put my manicured fingers on his bare thighs, and gyrating my ass slowly on the glans of penis, angled his cock smoothly into my cunt. I went down all the way to the hilt with a sigh of pleasure, and using my heeled legs and supported by my hands upon his thighs, I started to pump myself up and down the length of hsi cock. Standing until almost the full length is out and the sitting down all the way. He pinched one nipple with one hand and rubbed my clit with the other, so within five
minutes of vigorous strokes, I was ready to cum, but I wanted to prolong the pleasure so I stopped to change position. I turned around and knelt over him on the park bench with my arms over his shoulders and the sat down on his cock. He out his hands under my buttocks and help me lift off as well as massage my shapely ass at the same time. He kissed and sucked my nipples. It was so good, I started to moan and pump faster whilst I arched my back to push my breasts forwards towards his mouth. He started to take little bites of my flesh, and slap and pinch my buttocks. "Yes! That's nice" I whispered , so he started to bite and pinch me harder. The sensation of pain combined with the pleasure of the rubbing of his  thick hard cock along the rim and walls of my cunt, and the stretching and rubbing of my clitoris combined to give me an exquisite whole body pleasure sensation that resulted in a total and complete body wracking orgasm that went on for a few minutes. I couldn't help arching and moaning with pleasure.

After I came, he made me kneel on the bench with my elbows on the back of the bench whilst he stood up and fucked me from behind, doggy style until he came again. We sat down exhausted on the bench for several minutes before we started to cover up our nudity. He walked me back to the ground floor of my apartment but I didn't want him to come up. I was feeling very cheap and slutty and low class and shy. I thanked him for a most wonderful experience, and said I hope we could do it again. He passed me his card. He is a computer technician for both software and hardware.i told him I may need help with soft and hard problems, and whether I could use him. He said anytime......

                                   Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So when my husband Tom gently rubbed against my butt in bed an I started gyrating against his cock, I couldn't help thinking and reliving that most memorable and sextifying one night stand with a stranger on a train and in a park. I confess that I was partly fucking him again in my mind, and partly fucking Tom, as my mind switched between fucking two different men.

End.

Train sex

Continued from previous post...

Well, I didn't call the police. I just kept quiet and still, but with my heart was pounding excitedly. I let this strange man rub his cock up and down my ass. Maybe it's because I was so horny because of Fred or maybe because I'm just a slut who can't control herself.

The man, when he realized I wasn't going to resist, got bolder and his pelvic thrusts became harder and longer. I know I shouldn't but I started to feel aroused and couldn't deny that the feel of his body was pleasurable. I enjoyed the feel his hairy thighs rubbing against the back of my thighs. I slowly stopped arching my body away from him. I allowed the train to rock me against him and didn't resist. In fact, I pretended that I couldn't control the swaying and rocking of the train and allowed more movement against his cock. I slowly, imperceptibly, began to slight gyrate my hips a bit and stick my ass out a little. After a while, I think he knew he had me because when the train jerked and I stumbled  on my three inch heels, his hands came up to support me at my waist. But he didn't let go of my waist after I was stabilized. I flicked my hair over my eyes and turned my head back to him to see what he looked like and I looked up at him through my long lashes and smiled shyly , "Thank you."  "You're welcome" he said in a ddeep manly voice that got me thrilled. " It's difficult to stand steady on my high heels," I complained , wanting to hear the voice of the cock that was plying my ass. "It's my pleasure to support you." He replied as he pulledthe back of my skirt up a bit so my bare butt was in contact with his shorts. With his hands on my waist and hips, he could now support me and pull me into his cock. I stepped my legs apart and bent forward a bit to give him access, and he bent down a bit and came up under me so I could feel the tip of his cock against my cunt lips. I turned back again to face him as he ground away at me, "hi!"  I smiled . I just needed to see his face, I didn't just want to have a faceless fuck. He smiled at me and we locked eyes as he pumped me. He pulled his shorts down with one hand, while I draped my skirt over him to hide him. Now I could feel his bare cock against my cunt lips. It wasn't possible to enter me without angling until people noticed so after a few tries, he contented himself with rubbing my labia with his cock. I was soaking wet and couldn't act coy anymore so I put my hands down to feel the front of his thighs as he pumped me. I looked back often to smile at him, and kept eye contact with himwhen he finally came with hot gushes of semen all over my g string, my skirt and down the inside of my thighs. He had that grimace and tense look of pleasure that I like to see on the face of the man when he's cumming.

He pulled up his shorts but now he had his hand between us and he was rubbing my slit from behind although he couldn't reach my clitoris. " I am getting off at the next stop" he said sadly. "Oh! So soon" I slipped. I wondered why he had to get off at the next stop. Why couldn't we stay longer. " I get off in another three stops," I replied breathlessly as he was rubbing me to ecstasy. " I'll stay with you till the end then." he understood me. Many people got off at his stop, so he had to take his hand away from me quickly, but we still stood close together like lovers, with his hands on my waist and his softening cock against my butt....

To be continued 

What goes through your mind when you are having sex?

Ive just had sex with Tom, my husband, and I asked him."what are you thinking of when we are having sex?"  He replied, " nothing much, I don't think. I just feel and react." When I press him, he says, " I feel your soft smooth skin, i see your beautiful body, your breasts, your buttocks, yes, I feel the pleasurable sensation of your vagina tight around my cock. I like you holding on to my body and pulling me closer or deeper. I like the soft sounds you make. I especially like the feel of my semen as it gushes through my urethra when i ejaculate. I don't know what else you want." "What did you think of just now when we are having sex" He asks. "Oh nothing, just like you I guess. Feeling, seeing and hearing the sensations of sex." I lied, even though I did have an orgasm.

Tom is so healthy mentally. When he makes love with me, he's there with me, one hundred percent. He's so simple and so direct and focused on what he is doing. I'm so different. We were both lying on our sides in bed, cuddled up spoon fashion, with my back to his front. He was tired after a long day, but I was fresh and  I was hoping to get some action from him. I was wearing my thin nightie without any underwear. I lie to him that I do it to prevent thrush but sometimes I do it to seduce him. I wriggle my back towards him a few times as though adjusting to a more comfortable position. I was really just grinding my butt against his cock, which happily became erect and hard. He stirred, aroused, so I wriggled a few more times innocently. He began to thrust his cock up and down my butt cleft, and I began to gyrate my butt. I could feel his warmth through my thin nightie and his thin boxers. Soon I felt Tom lift my nightgown up and the sensation became much more pleasurable when. I could feel the heat and the rubbery texture of his cock directly in contact against the skin of my buttocks. He had pulled his boxers down to expose his cock.

The swinging up and down rhythm of his pelvic thrusts against my ass reminded me of a torrid train ride on the MRT (mass rapid transit or subway) many years ago......when my lover Fred was training me to express my sexuality completely. He would make me go without orgasms for several sex sessions until I was begging him for sexual release. I wasn't allowed to masturbate to release my urges during these training periods. He would order me to dress very sexily to work and display myself in either low cut blouses or short skirts.

When I was very young, I had watched a lot of porn, and one theme that got to me was anonymous sex on the Japanese trains and subways. The scenes were too daring to be real and I never thought they could happen, but somehow, I don't know why, I found them arousing. Maybe it's because I took
so many boring train journeys. Anyway, as Tom plowed into me, his rhythm made me recall about a sexual adventure that happened because Fred was deliberately leaving me sexually frustrated and making me wear revealing clothing. I was on a tightly packed train during rush hour and everyone
was crushed together. There was no way I could move away from a man who was forced into my
back. I was wearing a miniskirt of a very thin material and a g string. The man behind me must have been wearing shorts of a thin material too because I could feel his cock pressing against my ass. It was pointed downwards but the swinging and rocking of the train meant that i couldn't prevent my butt from rubbing his cock back and forth,  and side to side. As he got erect, the cock began to poke forward into me firmly but I coudnt move an inch away from him. For a moment, I felt his hand against my buttocks but then his hand move away. Now I could feel that he had pulled his cock upright. It must have been painful for him.

I could feel his cock very well. I could tell that it was quite large and very, very hard. And I could feel the heat. And it fitted right into the groove between my buttocks. I could smell his manly smell close in. A sweaty but not unpleasant smell. After a while, maybe because I made no attempt to move away, on top of the side to side , and the back and forth rocking of the train, i detected a slight but definite up and down movement. He was thrusting his cock against me! So shocking! How dare he? Surely everyone will notice? I looked around me left and right but no one was looking, I had a brief
glimpse at his face, he was ok looking, Chinese, and of average build. In that one second, with my head turned and my eyes looking back at him, I sized him up to be pleasant looking.

It's all Fred's fault for having sex with me so many times the last fortnight without allowing me to cum, that I was highly receptive to this molestation. In another situation, I might well have reported this man to the police. And Fred's fault for making me wear such provocative clothes so as to attract
Unwanted  attention.......

To be continued..

Sublimating my sexual energy into something else

ive been trying to get rid of my sex addiction by doing meditation but I realize practicing mind control is only one half of the solution but not enough. I've for to find another outlet for the energy inside me that's at the moment expressing itself as sexual desire. This comes from the development over many, many years of a deeply satisfying sexual relationship with Fred in which I explored my wildest sexual fantasies and found out my true sexual nature. However, I'm now a married woman with a baby, and I have to move on to the next phase of my life. The other half of the solution is to channel and divert my inner energies into something else. I wasn't as horny when I was working a full time job and even less when the baby came, but now that I'm a full time housewife, I'm completely relaxed and  well rested and my mind to turns naturally to sex. I look at the men I meet each day and occasionally I get attracted. If they are charming and witty, who knows what will happen. The Devil finds work for idle hands they say. He also finds cocks for idle cunts. I have to be on my guard to prevent the situation going out of my self control like with my yoga instructor.

Maybe I should go back to work. Or do something from home which is more flexible and suitable for a mother. I'm looking at all these online work from home schemes to see if I earn something doing online work from home. With baby asleep half the day, and with a maid doing all the housework, I've lots of free time and my mind will drift. I'm now going through all the work at home internet sites to see what I can do......

Meditation to control my sex addiction

Hi! It's been two whole weeks and I've been faithful to Tom. I've not masturbated at all and during the one time I had sex with Tom, I used my mind control to stop my sexual fantasies, and focus on Tom and on the physical details of our sex. It wasn't great sex and I didnt cum but I managed to keep my mind 95% free of thoughts of Fred or Ariff or Kumar or starhub technicians etc.

I do my yoga at home sometimes with the help of youtube and a few times a week I jog to the neighborhood park and do some exercises before returning home. This seems to help me let off steam and excess energy that met be channeled into lusty thoughts. I bring baby out for a walk every day and the walks are longer and I talk to him non stop.

 I mediate.  When Tim is asleep, I sit cross legged and with my hands on the knees in a lotus position, and I focus on my breathing. I count my breaths to a hundred and keep my mind as blank as I can. Whenever any thoughts come into my mind, I stop it and refocus on my breathing. I can't do this lying down as I will fall asleep and I think people who suffer from insomnia should try this. It's not easy to keep my mind blank and if I lapse it will be several minutes before I realize I have been thinking. I'm developing a mental muscle to stop thinking of things I don't want to think about. When I surf the net, I stop myself from straying into sex and porn sites as I will not be able to control myself.

Most of all, I stopped masturbating. If I masturbate, I will think of myself fucking somebody I know in a certain place. If the situation arises, this increases my chance of wanting to really have sex with them. All my masturbation will lead eventually to a sexual tryst with somebody, I know. It won't happen because I look for it, but if someone attractive comes at me, especially someone form my past, I won't be able to resist and I'll be easily seduced. The happiness of three people, me, My husband Tom, and baby Tim will be gone.

If I succeed , I will not be posting here again. Writing this blog has helped me express my sexual frustrations and relieve them, but it's not as good or as effective as completely suppressing my sexuality. Recalling my old sexual trysts only makes me want to do it again.

If I manage to break free from the chains of my sex crazed body, I will still come back and post to say it and my blog will continue without much sex in it.

Wish me luck!

Yoga to control my sexual desire part 2

I've been trying to control my sexual desires by jogging and yoga but was unfortunate to run I to the arms of a seductive yoga instructor. Our last lesson together just erupted my sex hormones. Please see part 1.

I can do a split but my arms can't support me in midair. So he made me sit facing him while I did my split then put my arms behind my back to push up. I couldn't do it so he sat under me with his hands under my buttocks and lifted me up and then placed me on his crotch. Through hsi trousers I could feel the rubbery tip of his cock fitting into my wide open vulva. As I was only wearing shorts and a g string, I was being stimulated sexually as he lifted me up and down into his cock. I could only stare into his eyes with lust and he was staring into mine greedily too. After that he made me sit with my back to him. I did a split again and he held my thighs up whilst he put my hands behind me around his neck. Again another few minutes of up and down upon his cock which was thrusting up through his trousers with a wet spot made by his semen and my cunt secretions. He was very strong and could support my weight. A thought flashed through my mind what wonderful sex I could have with him and so many exciting new yoga positions I've never tried.

By now I was all putty in his hands and he realized that I had given myself to him completely. So his hands were constantly touching my breasts with hardly anypretence at any positions and i was letting him do as he pleased. I was saying no, no, don't do this or that , I'm married, but I  still let his have his way with me, woth only token resistance. We were almost fucking with clothes on in the yoga room and completely drenched with sweat. I arched with my belly facing the ceiling and my arms and legs on the floor, but with my back up. He would rub my belly and occasionally go under my shorts towards my vulva until I protested, but he kept doing it again and again and getting closer and closer till he reached my clitoris. I was defenceess in that position. He would rub my buttocks every now and then pretending to support my body . Then the wheelbarrow where my legs gripped his waist while I Supported myself with my hands. He would grab my hips and press me against his crotch. We also did the reverse wheel barrow where I was facing the ceiling and arched back so I can touch the floor with my hands, while he held my buttocks against his crotch and he would gyrate a bit and grind his cock into my vulva.

We stopped when someone from the next lesson entered the room. I was arched backwards on my knees facing the ceiling with my hands backwards trying to hold my ankles and he was kneeling astride in front of my upside down face lifting my back up so I could see and smell his balls and cock at close range in front of my eyes. We disengaged ourselves as fast as we could but we were caught in the act except we were fully clothed. The woman stared at me probably with disapproval but luckily She wasn't someone I knew.

I came to my mind and was suddenly very embarassed and very guilty. How could I have allowed myself into such a compromising position. I rushed home flustered but when I was bathing, the images of what we had done came flooding back to means got me all wet again. I rushed out of the shower, and took my dildo vibrator out and sucked it, pretending it was Kumar's cook. Then I pumped my cunt with it all the while thinking of Kumar's face and body as he thrusted and pumped me to a shattering orgasm.

Yoga instead of getting rid of my lust, had sunk me even lower into the depths of a depravity my husband cannot accept. I didn't sign up for the next course even though Kumar called me and invited me to. He offered personal home lessons but I said I was keen but busy and  will call him back when I was free. He called a few times and offered free trial home lessons but I declined. However, I am still masturbating thinking of his body and his face. That was a close call.

After that incident, I was so horny, with no release that I descended into having internet messenger sex. I had a Internet sex live chat by messenger email with a young malay man doing NS who emailed dirty to me and sent me revealing photos. I emailed dirty to him too saying that I must do my fair share of NS and the only thing I could do as a weak lady was to service the men to encourage them to defend Singapore. I love seeing him in uniform even though he was younger than me by more than a decade. He showed me his cum and I masturbated to his dirty thoughts till I came too. I'm too embarassed to respond to hi again.

I've messaged dirty thoughts to another Internet male friend and mastturbated after reading his emails but never live before. After a few times, he wants to have a Skype sex session with me but I know that if I do it live with him and he has a deep male voice, I would end him in bed with him so I also declined.

Now I do meditation at least two times a day to keep my mind free of sex. I try not to masturbate because it although it brings sexual release, it just escalates my desire in the long run instead of
satisfying it. Masturbation is addictive for me and will lead to adultery and illicit sex. The idea of meditation is to exercise and strengthen  my ability not to think about something. It's working but I have relapses. Maybe if I go back to work, or if I let the Filipino maid go, I would be too busy working or doing housework to think about sex. The devil finds cocks for idle cunts.

yoga to control sexual urges

Tom doesnt know about and can't understand my sexual needs. He is so straight that when I made mild suggestions about sex, he responds with disgust, like 'yuck, or horrible....' I've been trying to seduce him into being more adventurous in sex by pretending to come upon certain sex websites by accident. Since he's religious and christian, yesterday I showed him a Christian erotica site, marriage heat.com that promotes monogamy and is subject to many restrictions. He didn't like the stories either. Maybe I showed him too kinky stuff. One story was a wife role playing as a prostitute with her husband. Another was a wife being raped by a stranger (acted by her husband). A third showed bdsm with handcuffs and collars and neck chains and nipple clamps. He was completely turned off.

I thought maybe rather than increase Toms sex drive, I should decrease mine. I ever thought of slipping testosterone pills into his food everyday but didnt do it because I was afraid of side effects. However, it's more difficult now that I've stopped working to look after my baby Tim. I'm fresh, with more energy and free time with nothing to do when baby is asleep. I'll like to have sex every day or at least every other day but Tom is so tired on weekdays, sex is mostly on weekends, once a week or a fortnight. He could find a lighter job but we are already very tight for money after I stopped working.

I don't know why my sexual desire is so high. Some lazy afternoons, my skin burns with the desire to be touched and stroked. I take a cold shower but the tap water in Singapore is often not cold enough to douse my fire. The sensation of the water in my nipples is nice and makes them erect. It's hard to lie in bed in the afternoons and not want to caress myself all over, to touch myself between my legs and my nipples. I end up masturbating, rubbing myself to orgasm. I should think only of Tom when I masturbate but I know my sexual fantasies are unacceptable to Tom, so is hard to think only of him. I try, but once I deviate from straight sex, other people will pop up in my mind and take over, like Fred, or Ricky, the taxi driver I had a one night stand with so long ago, so I cum with myself in other men's
arms in the end.

I tried to stop masturbating this way because the more I masturbate thinking of sex with other men, the more I desire to be taken by them.  I try to get out of the house to stop the desire but sometimes, when I'm out marketing or shopping or bringing Tim for a walk, I'll meet other eligible men, and if they try to chat me up, I can't resist talking to them because it's exciting for me. I think sometimes I get all flushed and I'm afraid they will notice and that I'll be unable to resist their advances, and do
something to destroy my family's happiness.

I tried jogging and going yoga and that helped a lot until one of the yoga instructors, an Indian, started giving me special attention. He's my type, tall, lean and muscular with a nice butt and speaks well. Hes very friendly and chatty and I can't help being attracted to him. He stands closer to me than the others and I should move away but I dont. Instead my heart pounds faster. He's been touching me
all over, more and more as he helps me improve my positioning, and standing closer and closer until
he now sometimes rubs his penis against my body. I can feel his the heat of his hard erection. Luckily, there are other people in the class. I know I should stop the class but I told myself I've already paid so I would finish the course and not renew. Instead I attended the class without skipping a single session. It's warm in the class, so I decided not to wear leggings but switched to shorts during class. I don't know why I bought shorts that were very short and barely covered my buttocks. Now he could touch my bare skin with his hands. The touch of his hands on my exposed thighs was electric. He started appearing in my masturbation fantasies.

The last lesson of the course, I was the only person in his class. Usually there are six or seven others. I later thought that this couldn't have been a coincidence and that he must have arranged it. He said, " just as well, I've been meaning to work on several positions with you but couldn't do so as I had to look after the others as well. Now I can give you my full undivided attention." I smiled and thanked
him politely but I knew something was going to happen but I couldn't run away from my overwhelming desire. I thought Ill just finish this last lesson and that's it. He was all over me for the hour long lesson. My short top exposes my belly when I lean back and when I arched backwards , his hands were on my back and belly, not just supporting , but stroking. I couldn't speak up to stop him. When I did the leaning forward ppositions, he positioned me with my butt sticking out, and stood behind me, holding on to my arms with my arms backwards and rubbing his cock against my butt. We held each postion for several minutes and he ws rocking me back and forth slightly so his cock was riding up and down my butt crack.

To be continued.

Finding my true sexual self with Fred

I'm happily married with my husband Tom but just wish that his sex drive was higher.

Sex with Fred was very satisfying and interesting but the biggest turn on for me was with me playing the submissive obedient sex slave willing to perform any of his wishes and fantasies. I loved being tied up and gagged and enacting his dirty stories with him. He's got a filthy mind but I just loved his role play. It turned me on to be scolded, commanded, and ordered around, doing exciting things I won't have done without being forced to, and wearing daring outfits I wouldn't have worn otherwise.

This man dominant woman submissive thing is how a man should be with a woman. It makes the man more manly and the woman more feminine. I feel sex is much better between a soft compliant submissive feminine woman and a hard, commanding, capable, confident, courageous man.

I liked to walk back to our Orchard Road apartment near the shop and wait and cook dinner for him. When he comes back after work, it feels like I'm a wife waiting for her husband to come home. Or like playing house when I was a kid.  I'll even call him Hubby to set the atmosphere. I'll be all made up with perfume, wearing something sexy, short and sheer and see -through with my nipples showing. Of course I'll be in super high heels. I'll get him to sit down, serve him a drink, and kneel down to remove his shoes and socks. Some times, still kneeling between his legs,  I'll then unzip his fly and pull out his cock and rub and suck it till he is very hard, but not till he cums. This is just an appetizer before dinner to get him warmed up. Or I'll  I'll use my hands to push my boobs together and rub his cock between them for a while. "Do you miss me ?" He will ask. "Very much." How do you miss me? I miss having your cock doing all sorts of wonderful things to me" I flirt with him. 'Well, I'll let you play with my cock a bit since you've been good.' Then I'll start to rub and masturbate him. Our sex play has changed a lot from the first time when he was courting me and I was rejecting him and hard to get, to the present when i desire him as much as he wants me and sometimes he makes me beg for sex. Ive been completely conquered by my man.

A part of total submission to him is that he gets to video our having sex and I signed a release allowing him to do anything he likes with the videos and photos. That way, I put myself totally under his control as he can punish me by posting these videos online if I do not obey him fully. Sometimes after a quarrel, I regret what I've done to myself. Fred gets me to sign these documents which he types up. He gets me all horny and lusty by enacting a sexual fantasy when I'm blackmailed into sex and when I'm all worked up and wet, he produces these documents as part of the story, I'm so far gone and about to cum, that I'll sign anything.

I also signed a contract to work for him as a shop assistant cum sexcretary, the contract says my duties include looking after his boutiques as well as serving him sexually in return for a salary. Again, this contract was signed when he was pumping me hard from behind and I couldn't think straight and I was breathless with lust for him, the signing made the sex  more exciting.

The fact that I was now totally helpless and under his control made the sex better for me. I could do anything perverted he wanted without feeling guilty because I had no choice but to obey if  my reputation wasnt going to be destroyed. It wasn't my fault but his. I was freed from the responsibility and shame for any of my actions. I did everything Fred ordered me to, and enjoyed doing it, and in doing so, Fred help me discover the true nature of my sexual self. I was a slut and whore through and through and I was filled with lust just like an animal. I only look innocent and sweet and pure outside, but inside I'm depraved, like a bitch in heat and an animal unable to control my sexual urges.

  I don't deserve love from someone Tom, my husband. I'm too depraved. I deserve to be used like a sex toy like I am with Fred and my lovers before and after him. I'm not good enough for Tom although I tried. I can never tell him what I'm like. He will just throw me out of the house  and I'll be
left on the streets as a single mum without a home, without a man,.so I dare not confess to Tom. I'm afraid I'll lose my only chance for love and happiness and end up as a second class prostitute in a shabby brothel.

After I left Fred and married Tom, Fred met up with me a few times. He really missed me and wanted to have sex with me but I refused. He tried to blackmail me but I saw that he was bluffing and just laughed him off and ignored him. I missed having sex wth him a lot too, but that is a dead end road for me and I still feel the pain of being  rejected by him (for not leaving his wife and kids to marry me). Even though when Fred and I we're together, we used to enact a fantasy of mine where I was a virtuous housewife raped, blackmailed and seduced into sex with a gangster who used his sex videos of me to extort long term sex from me. Now that it was real life, I couldn't do it. I wanted to be faithful to Tom in deed if not in thoughts. I'm still holding out but it's only a year since we were married and my baby is only half a year old. Will I be able to remain faithful for long, I don't know, but I have strong urges and the few times Fred tried to get me into bed again, I confess I was tempted. In fact, once when I was having dinner with him, I let him kiss me on the lips, and his hand slipped up my mini skirt on my thigh. I was turned on enough to get turned on and opened my legs to let him rub my wet clit for several seconds until the waitress arrived. If not for the waitress, I wonder if I would have lost control completely and  succumbed to his charms. That night, I fantasized that the waitress didn't come and we carried on and ended up in bed together for a one night stand. I masturbated to my fantasy and had an intense orgasm filled with nostalgic longing for him afterwards.

I'm a person who can get lost in the magic of the moment, and can forget that I'm married with a baby. I can just the let my  attraction  grab me and make me do things that surprise me and fill me with regret and shame after the deed is done and the lust is satisfied. Fred knows this and still tries to
play me even though he knows Im determined to try to make a good marriage and family. In another
much happier alternate universe, I didn't marry Tom. Fred left his family for me and we lived happily
ever after, with both tender love and exciting sex, and we walked along the beach into the sunset at the end, holding hands. I'll welcome him home after work as I wrote above and tease and flirt with him before dinner.

He will take a bath and dress in boxers and singlet that I've selected for him. And then we will have dinner. I'll sit next to him and we will feed each other and chat and we will be playing footsie. We will have sex after dinner. I love the feel of his warm muscular body and his manly smell. I want to open my mind and body to him, to surrender my will to him completely. He can take and use every part and every orifice in my body, my mouth, my cunt, my anus, even my ears and nostrils. He doesn't like permanent tattoos because he likes to change the tattoo. He draws all over my body with a marker. Dirty words or sexy drawings. He leaves bite marks every one can see. Most of all, he can fuck my mind anyway he wishes. I will act and dress the nymphomaniac,the slut, the prostitute, the terrorized rape victim. Anything. Our sexual union is total, my submission to his domination complete.

Tonight he is rough. (I like rough). I've just been kidnapped and am being trained for the brothel. I am fed with an aphrodisiac (?marihuana) and I'm all tied up,arms and legs behind my back, and he is whipping my buttocks and breasts and cunt with a small calfskin leather belt from one of my outfits. He isn't really hitting that hard, but enough to leave some marks for a few days, but I pretend severe pain and beg him to stop. I agree to suck his cock to stop the whipping but if the sucking is not satisfactory, the whipping continues. Soon I'm deep throating and gagging on his cock. Then I have to beg him to fuck me first in the cunt, then in the anus, and if I don't keep telling him how much I enjoy it, he whips me and pinches my nipples and bites me. I'm a mass of whip marks and bites all over. Now he wants me to cum, but I cant, so he tells me to imagine he is my bf or husband. The pain is so
intense, I do anything to avoid the pain, so I concentrate on imagining my rapist as my bf. Slowly and
surely, I start to feel aroused, and soon I'm cooperating with my own rape. My body responds with
erecting nipples, and my cunt gets wet, very wet. I'm enjoying the thrusts and feel of his penis in my
vagina. He unties me and I put my hands around his body to feel him and pull him closer inside me. He is warm and muscular. He is stronger and bigger than my bf. He forces me to say how I love fucking him much more than my own bf. I have to do it louder and again and again. I raise my pelvis to meet his thrusts into the depths of my body. I grab his buttocks to pull him deeper. I cum with a shattering orgasm and called out my bf name. He forces me to call his name . He cums and leaves his semen deep inside me.

Thsi beating and training combined with starving goes on for two weeks. The only food I get is semen which I swallow hungrily. I'm trained to call him darling and use dirty words during sex. He goes through all the sexual positions and techniques I'm expected to perform for my clients. There is a lot of anal sex....... To be continued.