Finding my true sexual self with Fred

I'm happily married with my husband Tom but just wish that his sex drive was higher.

Sex with Fred was very satisfying and interesting but the biggest turn on for me was with me playing the submissive obedient sex slave willing to perform any of his wishes and fantasies. I loved being tied up and gagged and enacting his dirty stories with him. He's got a filthy mind but I just loved his role play. It turned me on to be scolded, commanded, and ordered around, doing exciting things I won't have done without being forced to, and wearing daring outfits I wouldn't have worn otherwise.

This man dominant woman submissive thing is how a man should be with a woman. It makes the man more manly and the woman more feminine. I feel sex is much better between a soft compliant submissive feminine woman and a hard, commanding, capable, confident, courageous man.

I liked to walk back to our Orchard Road apartment near the shop and wait and cook dinner for him. When he comes back after work, it feels like I'm a wife waiting for her husband to come home. Or like playing house when I was a kid.  I'll even call him Hubby to set the atmosphere. I'll be all made up with perfume, wearing something sexy, short and sheer and see -through with my nipples showing. Of course I'll be in super high heels. I'll get him to sit down, serve him a drink, and kneel down to remove his shoes and socks. Some times, still kneeling between his legs,  I'll then unzip his fly and pull out his cock and rub and suck it till he is very hard, but not till he cums. This is just an appetizer before dinner to get him warmed up. Or I'll  I'll use my hands to push my boobs together and rub his cock between them for a while. "Do you miss me ?" He will ask. "Very much." How do you miss me? I miss having your cock doing all sorts of wonderful things to me" I flirt with him. 'Well, I'll let you play with my cock a bit since you've been good.' Then I'll start to rub and masturbate him. Our sex play has changed a lot from the first time when he was courting me and I was rejecting him and hard to get, to the present when i desire him as much as he wants me and sometimes he makes me beg for sex. Ive been completely conquered by my man.

A part of total submission to him is that he gets to video our having sex and I signed a release allowing him to do anything he likes with the videos and photos. That way, I put myself totally under his control as he can punish me by posting these videos online if I do not obey him fully. Sometimes after a quarrel, I regret what I've done to myself. Fred gets me to sign these documents which he types up. He gets me all horny and lusty by enacting a sexual fantasy when I'm blackmailed into sex and when I'm all worked up and wet, he produces these documents as part of the story, I'm so far gone and about to cum, that I'll sign anything.

I also signed a contract to work for him as a shop assistant cum sexcretary, the contract says my duties include looking after his boutiques as well as serving him sexually in return for a salary. Again, this contract was signed when he was pumping me hard from behind and I couldn't think straight and I was breathless with lust for him, the signing made the sex  more exciting.

The fact that I was now totally helpless and under his control made the sex better for me. I could do anything perverted he wanted without feeling guilty because I had no choice but to obey if  my reputation wasnt going to be destroyed. It wasn't my fault but his. I was freed from the responsibility and shame for any of my actions. I did everything Fred ordered me to, and enjoyed doing it, and in doing so, Fred help me discover the true nature of my sexual self. I was a slut and whore through and through and I was filled with lust just like an animal. I only look innocent and sweet and pure outside, but inside I'm depraved, like a bitch in heat and an animal unable to control my sexual urges.

  I don't deserve love from someone Tom, my husband. I'm too depraved. I deserve to be used like a sex toy like I am with Fred and my lovers before and after him. I'm not good enough for Tom although I tried. I can never tell him what I'm like. He will just throw me out of the house  and I'll be
left on the streets as a single mum without a home, without a man,.so I dare not confess to Tom. I'm afraid I'll lose my only chance for love and happiness and end up as a second class prostitute in a shabby brothel.

After I left Fred and married Tom, Fred met up with me a few times. He really missed me and wanted to have sex with me but I refused. He tried to blackmail me but I saw that he was bluffing and just laughed him off and ignored him. I missed having sex wth him a lot too, but that is a dead end road for me and I still feel the pain of being  rejected by him (for not leaving his wife and kids to marry me). Even though when Fred and I we're together, we used to enact a fantasy of mine where I was a virtuous housewife raped, blackmailed and seduced into sex with a gangster who used his sex videos of me to extort long term sex from me. Now that it was real life, I couldn't do it. I wanted to be faithful to Tom in deed if not in thoughts. I'm still holding out but it's only a year since we were married and my baby is only half a year old. Will I be able to remain faithful for long, I don't know, but I have strong urges and the few times Fred tried to get me into bed again, I confess I was tempted. In fact, once when I was having dinner with him, I let him kiss me on the lips, and his hand slipped up my mini skirt on my thigh. I was turned on enough to get turned on and opened my legs to let him rub my wet clit for several seconds until the waitress arrived. If not for the waitress, I wonder if I would have lost control completely and  succumbed to his charms. That night, I fantasized that the waitress didn't come and we carried on and ended up in bed together for a one night stand. I masturbated to my fantasy and had an intense orgasm filled with nostalgic longing for him afterwards.

I'm a person who can get lost in the magic of the moment, and can forget that I'm married with a baby. I can just the let my  attraction  grab me and make me do things that surprise me and fill me with regret and shame after the deed is done and the lust is satisfied. Fred knows this and still tries to
play me even though he knows Im determined to try to make a good marriage and family. In another
much happier alternate universe, I didn't marry Tom. Fred left his family for me and we lived happily
ever after, with both tender love and exciting sex, and we walked along the beach into the sunset at the end, holding hands. I'll welcome him home after work as I wrote above and tease and flirt with him before dinner.

He will take a bath and dress in boxers and singlet that I've selected for him. And then we will have dinner. I'll sit next to him and we will feed each other and chat and we will be playing footsie. We will have sex after dinner. I love the feel of his warm muscular body and his manly smell. I want to open my mind and body to him, to surrender my will to him completely. He can take and use every part and every orifice in my body, my mouth, my cunt, my anus, even my ears and nostrils. He doesn't like permanent tattoos because he likes to change the tattoo. He draws all over my body with a marker. Dirty words or sexy drawings. He leaves bite marks every one can see. Most of all, he can fuck my mind anyway he wishes. I will act and dress the nymphomaniac,the slut, the prostitute, the terrorized rape victim. Anything. Our sexual union is total, my submission to his domination complete.

Tonight he is rough. (I like rough). I've just been kidnapped and am being trained for the brothel. I am fed with an aphrodisiac (?marihuana) and I'm all tied up,arms and legs behind my back, and he is whipping my buttocks and breasts and cunt with a small calfskin leather belt from one of my outfits. He isn't really hitting that hard, but enough to leave some marks for a few days, but I pretend severe pain and beg him to stop. I agree to suck his cock to stop the whipping but if the sucking is not satisfactory, the whipping continues. Soon I'm deep throating and gagging on his cock. Then I have to beg him to fuck me first in the cunt, then in the anus, and if I don't keep telling him how much I enjoy it, he whips me and pinches my nipples and bites me. I'm a mass of whip marks and bites all over. Now he wants me to cum, but I cant, so he tells me to imagine he is my bf or husband. The pain is so
intense, I do anything to avoid the pain, so I concentrate on imagining my rapist as my bf. Slowly and
surely, I start to feel aroused, and soon I'm cooperating with my own rape. My body responds with
erecting nipples, and my cunt gets wet, very wet. I'm enjoying the thrusts and feel of his penis in my
vagina. He unties me and I put my hands around his body to feel him and pull him closer inside me. He is warm and muscular. He is stronger and bigger than my bf. He forces me to say how I love fucking him much more than my own bf. I have to do it louder and again and again. I raise my pelvis to meet his thrusts into the depths of my body. I grab his buttocks to pull him deeper. I cum with a shattering orgasm and called out my bf name. He forces me to call his name . He cums and leaves his semen deep inside me.

Thsi beating and training combined with starving goes on for two weeks. The only food I get is semen which I swallow hungrily. I'm trained to call him darling and use dirty words during sex. He goes through all the sexual positions and techniques I'm expected to perform for my clients. There is a lot of anal sex....... To be continued.