After three years, he had an affair. After three years of family life when I had become part of the family, when I had become friends with his brothers and sisters and some of his uncles and aunts. In fact there were at least two affairs. John is tall and handsome so there were always women tempting him. How did it happen?
Another reason he had an affair was because we stopped being in the same school and saw much less of each other. That gave him more chances to socialize with other women. After our secondary four/ grade ten exams, the GCE O levels, he went on to polytechnic to do interior design as he could draw well. I didn't do well enough to follow him into polytechnic and the technical subjects at ITE didn't excite me. I didn't like studying so I decided to start working to get a bit more pocket money. My mum was a clinic assistant and didn't think the ITE certificate was much use so she didn't mind me helping out with the family finance. She had raised us for so long by herself without father and she was tired.
Only my English teacher made a fuss. "Although you failed all your other subjects, you've got a distinction in English," she said, "that means you are capable of much more. You obviously didn't study at all. Repeat your O levels and get into Poly at least if not Uni. You are the most underachieving student I've had in my life. You will regret this one day." John wasn't that much more academic, it's just that his mother nagged him continuously to study whilst I spent my time watching movies and listening to music. Still, it was another demerit point in my future mother in laws eyes.
Maybe the main reason we both had affairs was because the passion of first love had gone out of our relationship and we both craved the strong feelings and desire of early love. That happens to all couples right? We can't expect to be as crazy for each other as the first time we got together. After a while the familiarity sets in and we don't look at each other the way we used to. And we take each other for granted. It's like not realizing that your own brother or cousin is good looking until other people start looking at them. And then you look and think, " yes my brother or sister or cousin is good looking but how come I haven't realized it before."
At the end of the second year of Poly, there was a school trip up the west coast of Malaysia, and there was this girl called Elaine in his class who had been keen on him since year 1. I knew because at a beach BBQ then, I saw her looking at him and going to talk to him, even though I was there as his girl friend. He didn't come back straight after the trip and when I called him, he told me he went to stay with his friend in Kuala Lumpur, but his mother said she didn't know about the friend. I called the Poly and found through the teacher who was on the trip that John and Elaine had requested to extend their stay. I called him again and again but I couldn't get through. It was a very dark time for me and I had to wait three long days for him to come home.
When he came back, he denied everything but I'm not the sort who goes into denial and pretends that nothing had happened. I confronted him and dragged everything out of him. He had been having an affair for almost half a year! I don't think I'll ever feel as much hurt and jealousy ever again in my life. He said that the girl practically threw herself at him and he couldn't resist the temptation. That our life had become very boring so it was just out of curiosity and desire for excitement that made him do it. That she was always happy but I was always naggy and unhappy.
I asked him to choose between us and he chose to stay. But after that I was distrustful and suspicious and we had many fights. This drove him to another affair with another girl and I broke up with him when I discovered that. I told him that I also had admirers and could also have had affairs but didn't because I thought our love was exclusively for each other. I also wanted to experience the world of other men too but had kept myself for him. But no longer.
Was I wrong? Should I have turned a blind eye to his affairs as long as he came home to me? After all, he was better than my father who didn't want to come back to his wife and his kids. Is it natural for a healthy man to have strong desires and to stray ? I'm different now. If I were to live my life again,mi won't get angry or as jealous. After all we were young and curious. I would have made an agreement that we would both try other lovers and see if our relationship was still worth it. But I think John would not have agreed. He can screw around but he probably can't bear the idea of me having another mans cock pumping in and out of my vagina. In the past, the woman had no choice, but to accept the mans infidelities. she was not financially independent. But now that women are equally able to fend for themselves, it's still more the men who cannot accept their wives straying whereas the women are better able to forgive their partners better and take them back. Maybe it's the oriental culture and the western men are better. I know of a man who was unfaithful but when his girlfriend had a revenge affair, he couldn't accept it and he was the one who asked to break up.
After O levels I worked for a few years before going to Poly. I worked as a sales assistant so my hours were long and often included weekends. Leave was hard to take. Maybe if I had gone to Poly at the same time, things would have worked our better. We had so many quarrels over such petty things. Having to consult his mother over every decision. Having to eat dinner at his home with his family on our precious Saturday evenings. His not treating my family well. He didn't look at me like he used to. He didn't desire me as much and as often as he used to. I thought he might be having other women on the sly. I was still young and pretty and I had admirers too but why was I saving myself for him if he didn't want me that much anymore?
Two weeks before he enlisted for the army to serve national service, I broke up with him. We tried to get together years later and made another attempt to rekindle the old magic but that too didn't work out...
