Meditation to control my sex addiction

Hi! It's been two whole weeks and I've been faithful to Tom. I've not masturbated at all and during the one time I had sex with Tom, I used my mind control to stop my sexual fantasies, and focus on Tom and on the physical details of our sex. It wasn't great sex and I didnt cum but I managed to keep my mind 95% free of thoughts of Fred or Ariff or Kumar or starhub technicians etc.

I do my yoga at home sometimes with the help of youtube and a few times a week I jog to the neighborhood park and do some exercises before returning home. This seems to help me let off steam and excess energy that met be channeled into lusty thoughts. I bring baby out for a walk every day and the walks are longer and I talk to him non stop.

 I mediate.  When Tim is asleep, I sit cross legged and with my hands on the knees in a lotus position, and I focus on my breathing. I count my breaths to a hundred and keep my mind as blank as I can. Whenever any thoughts come into my mind, I stop it and refocus on my breathing. I can't do this lying down as I will fall asleep and I think people who suffer from insomnia should try this. It's not easy to keep my mind blank and if I lapse it will be several minutes before I realize I have been thinking. I'm developing a mental muscle to stop thinking of things I don't want to think about. When I surf the net, I stop myself from straying into sex and porn sites as I will not be able to control myself.

Most of all, I stopped masturbating. If I masturbate, I will think of myself fucking somebody I know in a certain place. If the situation arises, this increases my chance of wanting to really have sex with them. All my masturbation will lead eventually to a sexual tryst with somebody, I know. It won't happen because I look for it, but if someone attractive comes at me, especially someone form my past, I won't be able to resist and I'll be easily seduced. The happiness of three people, me, My husband Tom, and baby Tim will be gone.

If I succeed , I will not be posting here again. Writing this blog has helped me express my sexual frustrations and relieve them, but it's not as good or as effective as completely suppressing my sexuality. Recalling my old sexual trysts only makes me want to do it again.

If I manage to break free from the chains of my sex crazed body, I will still come back and post to say it and my blog will continue without much sex in it.

Wish me luck!

Yoga to control my sexual desire part 2

I've been trying to control my sexual desires by jogging and yoga but was unfortunate to run I to the arms of a seductive yoga instructor. Our last lesson together just erupted my sex hormones. Please see part 1.

I can do a split but my arms can't support me in midair. So he made me sit facing him while I did my split then put my arms behind my back to push up. I couldn't do it so he sat under me with his hands under my buttocks and lifted me up and then placed me on his crotch. Through hsi trousers I could feel the rubbery tip of his cock fitting into my wide open vulva. As I was only wearing shorts and a g string, I was being stimulated sexually as he lifted me up and down into his cock. I could only stare into his eyes with lust and he was staring into mine greedily too. After that he made me sit with my back to him. I did a split again and he held my thighs up whilst he put my hands behind me around his neck. Again another few minutes of up and down upon his cock which was thrusting up through his trousers with a wet spot made by his semen and my cunt secretions. He was very strong and could support my weight. A thought flashed through my mind what wonderful sex I could have with him and so many exciting new yoga positions I've never tried.

By now I was all putty in his hands and he realized that I had given myself to him completely. So his hands were constantly touching my breasts with hardly anypretence at any positions and i was letting him do as he pleased. I was saying no, no, don't do this or that , I'm married, but I  still let his have his way with me, woth only token resistance. We were almost fucking with clothes on in the yoga room and completely drenched with sweat. I arched with my belly facing the ceiling and my arms and legs on the floor, but with my back up. He would rub my belly and occasionally go under my shorts towards my vulva until I protested, but he kept doing it again and again and getting closer and closer till he reached my clitoris. I was defenceess in that position. He would rub my buttocks every now and then pretending to support my body . Then the wheelbarrow where my legs gripped his waist while I Supported myself with my hands. He would grab my hips and press me against his crotch. We also did the reverse wheel barrow where I was facing the ceiling and arched back so I can touch the floor with my hands, while he held my buttocks against his crotch and he would gyrate a bit and grind his cock into my vulva.

We stopped when someone from the next lesson entered the room. I was arched backwards on my knees facing the ceiling with my hands backwards trying to hold my ankles and he was kneeling astride in front of my upside down face lifting my back up so I could see and smell his balls and cock at close range in front of my eyes. We disengaged ourselves as fast as we could but we were caught in the act except we were fully clothed. The woman stared at me probably with disapproval but luckily She wasn't someone I knew.

I came to my mind and was suddenly very embarassed and very guilty. How could I have allowed myself into such a compromising position. I rushed home flustered but when I was bathing, the images of what we had done came flooding back to means got me all wet again. I rushed out of the shower, and took my dildo vibrator out and sucked it, pretending it was Kumar's cook. Then I pumped my cunt with it all the while thinking of Kumar's face and body as he thrusted and pumped me to a shattering orgasm.

Yoga instead of getting rid of my lust, had sunk me even lower into the depths of a depravity my husband cannot accept. I didn't sign up for the next course even though Kumar called me and invited me to. He offered personal home lessons but I said I was keen but busy and  will call him back when I was free. He called a few times and offered free trial home lessons but I declined. However, I am still masturbating thinking of his body and his face. That was a close call.

After that incident, I was so horny, with no release that I descended into having internet messenger sex. I had a Internet sex live chat by messenger email with a young malay man doing NS who emailed dirty to me and sent me revealing photos. I emailed dirty to him too saying that I must do my fair share of NS and the only thing I could do as a weak lady was to service the men to encourage them to defend Singapore. I love seeing him in uniform even though he was younger than me by more than a decade. He showed me his cum and I masturbated to his dirty thoughts till I came too. I'm too embarassed to respond to hi again.

I've messaged dirty thoughts to another Internet male friend and mastturbated after reading his emails but never live before. After a few times, he wants to have a Skype sex session with me but I know that if I do it live with him and he has a deep male voice, I would end him in bed with him so I also declined.

Now I do meditation at least two times a day to keep my mind free of sex. I try not to masturbate because it although it brings sexual release, it just escalates my desire in the long run instead of
satisfying it. Masturbation is addictive for me and will lead to adultery and illicit sex. The idea of meditation is to exercise and strengthen  my ability not to think about something. It's working but I have relapses. Maybe if I go back to work, or if I let the Filipino maid go, I would be too busy working or doing housework to think about sex. The devil finds cocks for idle cunts.

yoga to control sexual urges

Tom doesnt know about and can't understand my sexual needs. He is so straight that when I made mild suggestions about sex, he responds with disgust, like 'yuck, or horrible....' I've been trying to seduce him into being more adventurous in sex by pretending to come upon certain sex websites by accident. Since he's religious and christian, yesterday I showed him a Christian erotica site, marriage heat.com that promotes monogamy and is subject to many restrictions. He didn't like the stories either. Maybe I showed him too kinky stuff. One story was a wife role playing as a prostitute with her husband. Another was a wife being raped by a stranger (acted by her husband). A third showed bdsm with handcuffs and collars and neck chains and nipple clamps. He was completely turned off.

I thought maybe rather than increase Toms sex drive, I should decrease mine. I ever thought of slipping testosterone pills into his food everyday but didnt do it because I was afraid of side effects. However, it's more difficult now that I've stopped working to look after my baby Tim. I'm fresh, with more energy and free time with nothing to do when baby is asleep. I'll like to have sex every day or at least every other day but Tom is so tired on weekdays, sex is mostly on weekends, once a week or a fortnight. He could find a lighter job but we are already very tight for money after I stopped working.

I don't know why my sexual desire is so high. Some lazy afternoons, my skin burns with the desire to be touched and stroked. I take a cold shower but the tap water in Singapore is often not cold enough to douse my fire. The sensation of the water in my nipples is nice and makes them erect. It's hard to lie in bed in the afternoons and not want to caress myself all over, to touch myself between my legs and my nipples. I end up masturbating, rubbing myself to orgasm. I should think only of Tom when I masturbate but I know my sexual fantasies are unacceptable to Tom, so is hard to think only of him. I try, but once I deviate from straight sex, other people will pop up in my mind and take over, like Fred, or Ricky, the taxi driver I had a one night stand with so long ago, so I cum with myself in other men's
arms in the end.

I tried to stop masturbating this way because the more I masturbate thinking of sex with other men, the more I desire to be taken by them.  I try to get out of the house to stop the desire but sometimes, when I'm out marketing or shopping or bringing Tim for a walk, I'll meet other eligible men, and if they try to chat me up, I can't resist talking to them because it's exciting for me. I think sometimes I get all flushed and I'm afraid they will notice and that I'll be unable to resist their advances, and do
something to destroy my family's happiness.

I tried jogging and going yoga and that helped a lot until one of the yoga instructors, an Indian, started giving me special attention. He's my type, tall, lean and muscular with a nice butt and speaks well. Hes very friendly and chatty and I can't help being attracted to him. He stands closer to me than the others and I should move away but I dont. Instead my heart pounds faster. He's been touching me
all over, more and more as he helps me improve my positioning, and standing closer and closer until
he now sometimes rubs his penis against my body. I can feel his the heat of his hard erection. Luckily, there are other people in the class. I know I should stop the class but I told myself I've already paid so I would finish the course and not renew. Instead I attended the class without skipping a single session. It's warm in the class, so I decided not to wear leggings but switched to shorts during class. I don't know why I bought shorts that were very short and barely covered my buttocks. Now he could touch my bare skin with his hands. The touch of his hands on my exposed thighs was electric. He started appearing in my masturbation fantasies.

The last lesson of the course, I was the only person in his class. Usually there are six or seven others. I later thought that this couldn't have been a coincidence and that he must have arranged it. He said, " just as well, I've been meaning to work on several positions with you but couldn't do so as I had to look after the others as well. Now I can give you my full undivided attention." I smiled and thanked
him politely but I knew something was going to happen but I couldn't run away from my overwhelming desire. I thought Ill just finish this last lesson and that's it. He was all over me for the hour long lesson. My short top exposes my belly when I lean back and when I arched backwards , his hands were on my back and belly, not just supporting , but stroking. I couldn't speak up to stop him. When I did the leaning forward ppositions, he positioned me with my butt sticking out, and stood behind me, holding on to my arms with my arms backwards and rubbing his cock against my butt. We held each postion for several minutes and he ws rocking me back and forth slightly so his cock was riding up and down my butt crack.

To be continued.

Finding my true sexual self with Fred

I'm happily married with my husband Tom but just wish that his sex drive was higher.

Sex with Fred was very satisfying and interesting but the biggest turn on for me was with me playing the submissive obedient sex slave willing to perform any of his wishes and fantasies. I loved being tied up and gagged and enacting his dirty stories with him. He's got a filthy mind but I just loved his role play. It turned me on to be scolded, commanded, and ordered around, doing exciting things I won't have done without being forced to, and wearing daring outfits I wouldn't have worn otherwise.

This man dominant woman submissive thing is how a man should be with a woman. It makes the man more manly and the woman more feminine. I feel sex is much better between a soft compliant submissive feminine woman and a hard, commanding, capable, confident, courageous man.

I liked to walk back to our Orchard Road apartment near the shop and wait and cook dinner for him. When he comes back after work, it feels like I'm a wife waiting for her husband to come home. Or like playing house when I was a kid.  I'll even call him Hubby to set the atmosphere. I'll be all made up with perfume, wearing something sexy, short and sheer and see -through with my nipples showing. Of course I'll be in super high heels. I'll get him to sit down, serve him a drink, and kneel down to remove his shoes and socks. Some times, still kneeling between his legs,  I'll then unzip his fly and pull out his cock and rub and suck it till he is very hard, but not till he cums. This is just an appetizer before dinner to get him warmed up. Or I'll  I'll use my hands to push my boobs together and rub his cock between them for a while. "Do you miss me ?" He will ask. "Very much." How do you miss me? I miss having your cock doing all sorts of wonderful things to me" I flirt with him. 'Well, I'll let you play with my cock a bit since you've been good.' Then I'll start to rub and masturbate him. Our sex play has changed a lot from the first time when he was courting me and I was rejecting him and hard to get, to the present when i desire him as much as he wants me and sometimes he makes me beg for sex. Ive been completely conquered by my man.

A part of total submission to him is that he gets to video our having sex and I signed a release allowing him to do anything he likes with the videos and photos. That way, I put myself totally under his control as he can punish me by posting these videos online if I do not obey him fully. Sometimes after a quarrel, I regret what I've done to myself. Fred gets me to sign these documents which he types up. He gets me all horny and lusty by enacting a sexual fantasy when I'm blackmailed into sex and when I'm all worked up and wet, he produces these documents as part of the story, I'm so far gone and about to cum, that I'll sign anything.

I also signed a contract to work for him as a shop assistant cum sexcretary, the contract says my duties include looking after his boutiques as well as serving him sexually in return for a salary. Again, this contract was signed when he was pumping me hard from behind and I couldn't think straight and I was breathless with lust for him, the signing made the sex  more exciting.

The fact that I was now totally helpless and under his control made the sex better for me. I could do anything perverted he wanted without feeling guilty because I had no choice but to obey if  my reputation wasnt going to be destroyed. It wasn't my fault but his. I was freed from the responsibility and shame for any of my actions. I did everything Fred ordered me to, and enjoyed doing it, and in doing so, Fred help me discover the true nature of my sexual self. I was a slut and whore through and through and I was filled with lust just like an animal. I only look innocent and sweet and pure outside, but inside I'm depraved, like a bitch in heat and an animal unable to control my sexual urges.

  I don't deserve love from someone Tom, my husband. I'm too depraved. I deserve to be used like a sex toy like I am with Fred and my lovers before and after him. I'm not good enough for Tom although I tried. I can never tell him what I'm like. He will just throw me out of the house  and I'll be
left on the streets as a single mum without a home, without a man,.so I dare not confess to Tom. I'm afraid I'll lose my only chance for love and happiness and end up as a second class prostitute in a shabby brothel.

After I left Fred and married Tom, Fred met up with me a few times. He really missed me and wanted to have sex with me but I refused. He tried to blackmail me but I saw that he was bluffing and just laughed him off and ignored him. I missed having sex wth him a lot too, but that is a dead end road for me and I still feel the pain of being  rejected by him (for not leaving his wife and kids to marry me). Even though when Fred and I we're together, we used to enact a fantasy of mine where I was a virtuous housewife raped, blackmailed and seduced into sex with a gangster who used his sex videos of me to extort long term sex from me. Now that it was real life, I couldn't do it. I wanted to be faithful to Tom in deed if not in thoughts. I'm still holding out but it's only a year since we were married and my baby is only half a year old. Will I be able to remain faithful for long, I don't know, but I have strong urges and the few times Fred tried to get me into bed again, I confess I was tempted. In fact, once when I was having dinner with him, I let him kiss me on the lips, and his hand slipped up my mini skirt on my thigh. I was turned on enough to get turned on and opened my legs to let him rub my wet clit for several seconds until the waitress arrived. If not for the waitress, I wonder if I would have lost control completely and  succumbed to his charms. That night, I fantasized that the waitress didn't come and we carried on and ended up in bed together for a one night stand. I masturbated to my fantasy and had an intense orgasm filled with nostalgic longing for him afterwards.

I'm a person who can get lost in the magic of the moment, and can forget that I'm married with a baby. I can just the let my  attraction  grab me and make me do things that surprise me and fill me with regret and shame after the deed is done and the lust is satisfied. Fred knows this and still tries to
play me even though he knows Im determined to try to make a good marriage and family. In another
much happier alternate universe, I didn't marry Tom. Fred left his family for me and we lived happily
ever after, with both tender love and exciting sex, and we walked along the beach into the sunset at the end, holding hands. I'll welcome him home after work as I wrote above and tease and flirt with him before dinner.

He will take a bath and dress in boxers and singlet that I've selected for him. And then we will have dinner. I'll sit next to him and we will feed each other and chat and we will be playing footsie. We will have sex after dinner. I love the feel of his warm muscular body and his manly smell. I want to open my mind and body to him, to surrender my will to him completely. He can take and use every part and every orifice in my body, my mouth, my cunt, my anus, even my ears and nostrils. He doesn't like permanent tattoos because he likes to change the tattoo. He draws all over my body with a marker. Dirty words or sexy drawings. He leaves bite marks every one can see. Most of all, he can fuck my mind anyway he wishes. I will act and dress the nymphomaniac,the slut, the prostitute, the terrorized rape victim. Anything. Our sexual union is total, my submission to his domination complete.

Tonight he is rough. (I like rough). I've just been kidnapped and am being trained for the brothel. I am fed with an aphrodisiac (?marihuana) and I'm all tied up,arms and legs behind my back, and he is whipping my buttocks and breasts and cunt with a small calfskin leather belt from one of my outfits. He isn't really hitting that hard, but enough to leave some marks for a few days, but I pretend severe pain and beg him to stop. I agree to suck his cock to stop the whipping but if the sucking is not satisfactory, the whipping continues. Soon I'm deep throating and gagging on his cock. Then I have to beg him to fuck me first in the cunt, then in the anus, and if I don't keep telling him how much I enjoy it, he whips me and pinches my nipples and bites me. I'm a mass of whip marks and bites all over. Now he wants me to cum, but I cant, so he tells me to imagine he is my bf or husband. The pain is so
intense, I do anything to avoid the pain, so I concentrate on imagining my rapist as my bf. Slowly and
surely, I start to feel aroused, and soon I'm cooperating with my own rape. My body responds with
erecting nipples, and my cunt gets wet, very wet. I'm enjoying the thrusts and feel of his penis in my
vagina. He unties me and I put my hands around his body to feel him and pull him closer inside me. He is warm and muscular. He is stronger and bigger than my bf. He forces me to say how I love fucking him much more than my own bf. I have to do it louder and again and again. I raise my pelvis to meet his thrusts into the depths of my body. I grab his buttocks to pull him deeper. I cum with a shattering orgasm and called out my bf name. He forces me to call his name . He cums and leaves his semen deep inside me.

Thsi beating and training combined with starving goes on for two weeks. The only food I get is semen which I swallow hungrily. I'm trained to call him darling and use dirty words during sex. He goes through all the sexual positions and techniques I'm expected to perform for my clients. There is a lot of anal sex....... To be continued.

Desperate (for sex) Housewives

Dear readers

This woman is in the same position as I am:

http://sg.theasianparent.com/desperate-housewife-singaporean-mums-secret-life-sex-addict/

I am still faithful to my husband but my very high sex drive means I'm very vulnerable to seduction. 

There is a link in the article to SLAA. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. I thinking of joining to get help.

Stuly

My Gang Bang

Held by his two friends, the Leader buried his cock to the hilt in my cunt. I had been all wet from mastubating and he entered easily. He pumped in and out of me with long swift strokes.  After five minutes, his friends wanted some action and asked him to turn over. He grabbed my buttocks and rolled over. Now he was lying on his back with his legs over the bottom of the bed and I was lying on top of him, with my knees on either side of his body and my hands tied behind my back. His friend stood on the floor and took turns to enter my vagina. When the guy below me pulled his cock out , he pumped my vagina a few times and they took turns. I was completely stimulated wet by this novel way of having sex. Having lubricated his cock completely, the guy on top pressed his cock against my anus. He was quite skilled and after years of anal sex with Fred, I'm a bit loose there so he entered without too much struggle. A cock, in my cunt and a cock in my rear, both pumping away! my favorite fantasy and I was so tight and filled. I could feel the thin rim of tissue between my vagina and my rectum being squeezed. I couldn't ask for more. I was moaning with pleasure and gyrating my body against them. The third guy, pulled off my ball gag and pulled my hair back to open my mouth. He pushed his cock into my mouth and starting thrusting too. My eyes focused on his cock and I could smell the manly smell. I was very excited so I started to suck and lick his cock. Within five minutes, I had a most intense orgasm and started to moan and writhe as I came. This excited them so much, they also started to cum, in my anus , in my cunt and in my mouth. We all collapsed into bed after we came, I looked up at my wedding photo with Tom as I lay there, with cum dribbling out of all my orifices, and I was so wracked with guilt at my betrayal of him, that tears came into my eyes. i was thinking, even if I did cum and enjoy myself, it was still rape, so I shoudnt feel so guilty. However, my sexual ordeal wasn't over yet.

The leader was the first to stir from his exertions. He untied me. I didn't like that because it meant that I was now more responsible for my actions and I wasn't being forced. He got me to kneel on the 

bed while he stood up and made me suck his cock. He took my hands and guided it to the base of his balls. He wanted me to stroke his balls and rub his shaft whilst I sucked the head of his cock. I disn't want to do it but he said why be so shy, they all know I wanted it from my wanton behavior during sex. I refused until he whipped out his handphone showing a video clip of my slutty behavior earlier. After that I had no choice but to cooperate. However, within five minutes of enthusiastically sucking his cock, the smell and sight of his shaft entering my mouth had made me completely wet and aroused again.. He noticed my erect nipples and started to pinch them as I rubbed his cock. One of his friends got up next to him and wanted some action, so I used both hands to pump their shafts whilst I took turns sucking either cock. The third man now got up and starting filming me. Soon he wanted some action too so I got the leader to lay down on the bed while I rode him cowboy style in my favorite position where I can grind my clitoris against his pubic hair. While I rode the leader with my knees astride him and gyrated my cunt, I pumped and sucked his two men till they came all over my lips and my cheek. Then I comcentrated on the leader. He was massaging my breast and my nipples, 

and I was flushed with the excitement of the other two cocks in my mouth, so after riding him up and down for another five minutes, I had a second orgasm. As I came I quickened my gyrations and pumped up and down a bit, and he came soon after..

We all lay down on the bed to rest from our exertions but after a while, the leader ordered me to help them clean up. I went to the bathroom to get some hand towels. I wet them and used them to wipe their genitals clean of their cum and my cunt juice. I always do this after sex but I wasn't thinking straight because now I couldn't report rape. which judge would believe that I was raped and then still bother to clean their cocks for them? The guys were still touching me and fondling me all over as I cleaned them,  my breasts, my butt, and making lewd remarks. They asked for drinks so I served them three cans of coke. As they were drinking, I stood in front of them naked and I was cleaning their cum off my face and my body. They asked me if I had cum and I said no.  They asked me if I had enjoyed myself as much as them and I also said no but they said they didn't believe me. They 

asked me if I wanted to have them come over for sex again and I said no but mentally I kicked myself for taking so long to answer no that they may not believe me. It was very embarassing, standing in front of them naked and being stared at and asked dirty questions. But I hadshown my enjoyment to them so I couldn't complain if they thought of me as a slut and a nyphomaniac and a whore. 

Before they left, each of them showed me their videoclips on their cellphones and told me they will be back. They made me pose naked with each of them separately, with my arms around their neck, with them behind me grabbing my breasts and in various stages of embrace so they could have a souvenir to boast about to their friends. I would not have allowed them but I was naked amd alone and with three strong men, so I suppose I was mentally cowed into submission. They call it Stockholm syndrome. 

After they left, the doorbell rang, I got dressed, put away the lingerie, and went to open the door for the starhub company to fix the optical fibre wifi. It had all been my masturbation fantasy. 

I failed to give up my sex addiction

Hi! My few sex blog friends and followers. I'm back! The reason why I've been not been posting for a few months is that I've been trying to be a good and faithful wife to Tom. I've stopped masturbating to porn. I've taken cold showers and done meditation instead, or taken my baby for a long walk. Whenever Tom and I have sex, I have kept my mind blank, focusing on the sexual act itself instead of  fantasizing.  I felt that even this fantasizing was being unfaithful. This lack of fantasy means I cannot cum so fast so I have to delay him a bit. He's not very keen on oral sex, so when I feel him about to cum, i stop and suck his dick. This doesn't get him off so when he cools down we can resume vaginal sex. 5 minutes of pumping is all he needs to cum. He's not keen on licking my cunt either.  I've been able to talk to him about being more adventurous in sex and he's agreed to try new positions, but he still against porn and unnatural sex toys. He's ok with a bit of lingerie but nothing slutty.

I felt we were getting somewhere, but last few weeks been busy for him and the sex was uninspiring despite me digging up some of the lingerie I used to wear for Fred. I couldn't cum.  It  was the third consecutive time I've had sex with Tom without cumming. I Know it's unfair to Tom because he's got a busy job but I'm a fresh stay at home mother of one with a maid to help out and young and horny.

Anyway, after he left for work, I had a severe relapse. I was so horny. I put on my sluttiest lingerie. I rubbed my clit and thought of all my old lovers. I pinched my nipples. I put on mascara and perfume, put gloss on my lips and nipples. I put on a xxx video from the Internet on my laptop on my bed.  I had almost cum when the doorbell rang.
There were three men from Starhub to fix the optical fibre for the broadband and wifi. I had forgotten what I was wearing and didn't cover myself up. They entered my house and stood around me staring at me. I had just sent my baby with the maid to my inlaws place so I was all alone.
Then one of them shut the door behind him and I was now helpless and completely cut off. I couldn't blame them for misunderstanding that I was just another lusty housewife asking to be fucked. I was all made up with my erect nipples visible through my sheer negligee and my hem barely covering my buttocks and my gstring visible through the transparent material. Im sure they could smell my sensual perfume. I had opened the door to them and welcome them in.

I backed up away from them as they approached closer to me. I couldn't talk, my tongue and breath got frozen. For some stupid reason, I just retreated backwards into my bedroom until I reached the edge of my bed and fell into a sitting position on my bed with my arms behind me and my breasts jutting forwards temptingly. To my horror, my laptop was still frozen on the xxx movie I was watching and now the three young muscular men could see that I had been mastubating to. For some reason I couldn't speak up to defend myself. I just shook my head back and forth to mean no, but they all three nodded their heads up and down to say yes. And then they closed the bedroom door so there was no escape.

They caught hold of my arms. One of them saw the bag where all my lingerie was kept and took out a ball gag. I was about to finally speak out to say no, this is all a misunderstanding, but the red ball was thrust into my open mouth and tied and after that I could only struggle silently and vainly against their strong overpowering arms. After that, they found my restraints, and tied my hands behind my back. I tried to signal no with my eyes but they were too turned on by my voluptuous scented and makeup body presently sexily in lace. I could see from the animal lust in their eyes they were not going to stop. I tried to run but was flung back into bed. They surrounded the bed. One at each side and one at the foot of the bed, and started to strip themselves. I grunted and shook my head, but they just laughed in Chinese and hokkien, saying, the lady wants us to pretend it's a rape.

Soon they were all naked. For the first time in two years, I was seeing a naked male body other than my husband, but three at a time. And all three with hard erect cocks sticking out from the tanned muscular bodies that manual workers have. I'm sorry to confess but I felt a wild throbbing in my heart

and wet in my cunt. I was going to be raped but I couldn't blame my rapists having led them into my bedroom and opened the door to them in my seducitve outfit. Who would believe me? Now I was going to have sex with mandarin and hokkien speakers for the first time in my life..

The oldest at the foot of the bed said, let's warm her up a bit to get her more cooperative. He instructed the two on my sides to caress and kiss me. I was still trying to wriggle my body away but couldn't stop them tweaking my nipples and stroking my bare crotch and soon they were sucking and nibbling on my nipples too. The leader un paused the video I was watching. Watch this, Stuly, he said. He knew my real name from my call order for service. Oh shit.

This was what I was watching :

It was so embarassing. Now they all know what I was thinking of as I was masturbating n
I was forced to continue watching the above xxx porn whilst his two men caressed my vulva till it was soaking wet and kissed my nipples till they were fully erect again. Is that how you like it Stuly? He asked in Chinese looking me in my eyes. I shook my head. He said, " it seems you like to be forced into sex right? And you like us to be rough? " again I could t talk through the gags. Could only shake my head violently and grunt a no. You don't want to say yes but you would still want us to continue? He said. I violently shook my head.

Get her down on the bed, leader ordered and I was forced down flat on my back. Pull her legs apart. I tried to resist but couldn't help my ankles being held wide apart. He knelt down between my legs and I was bucking furiously. I wanted to be faithful to Tom but I was in our marital bed under our wedding photo with the reflection of it visible on the mirror behind the Leader and I was wearing our wedding ring. He couldn't get in but once the first inch of his cock got past my rim, my bucking only excited him further, and served to let him deeper until he was deep inside me. He started thrusting and pumping furiously whilst his sidekicks held me down.......

Lusty times in BangCock

I always look forwards to our holidays abroad with Fred. That is when he can leave his family completely behind and I have him all to myself for several days. We can live freely like a happily married couple and we don't have to hide our affection in public. We like Bangkok. It's near and we always have a torrid time there. Sometime about the atmosphere in that city makes us horny. We don't stay in the city centre to avoid the Singapore crowds but instead we would stay along the Chao Phraya river at the Shangrila Hotel. Since we are more into sex then shopping, We spend a lot of time in the hotel and Fred would usually book a suite with a sitting area. I like the long reclining sofa chair or chaise longue that comes with the larger rooms. It's very good for sex.

Once after we settled into the room, and the valet had left,  Fred sat down on this long sofa chair and I sat on his lap and we starting kissing and tonguing. Before long we were naked and I sat astride facing him while he leaned back to enjoy my gyrations and massage my breasts. After a while he got up to tongue my clitoris and when I was almost about to cum, he stopped and took out his camera and set it on a tripod. That was the first time we did a video of our sex, he had got me so wet, I found it very stimulating to be filmed. He sat down and leaned back while I sat with my back to him with his cock inside me. I put my hands on his thighs and, facing the camera, pumped myself up and down on his cock while he massaged my breast and tweaked my nipples with both hands. Fred was also very excited too so he couldn't fuck me for long without cumming, but instead he used a dildo vibrator we call Mr Blue to fuck me hard. I leaned back and opened my legs wide while Blue pumped me hard. I always imagine Blue is another man. I put on more expressive sex for the sake of the filming. I gyrated and bucked my pelvis against Blue, making much louder moans and more facial expressions that I normally do. When I was about to cum, Fred stopped and tied Blue in place while he stood by my side . I faced him and the camera and started sucking his cock lustily. My facial expressions and muffled moans as I came with his cock in my mouth was immortalized on video. As he came, he pulled his cock out so the video could show him spurting semen all over my lips and face. In my lust, I licked his cum up and spread it over my face and breasts with my fingers. I did this facing the canera. It's still one of our most memorable videos.

That evening we had dinner at the riverside restaurant of the hotel. I wore a very low cut and very short dress with high heels. It was a most romantic dinner and over flower,  Fred proposed for me to be his mistress and de facto second wife. Everything was good except for babies but we agreed not to have a baby for the time being. I accepted and we were very happy. We strolled all over the hotel grounds after dinner, holding hands and kissing. In darker corners and corridors, Fred had his hands all over me, my buttocks and my breasts. There was no dancing but there was a dark bar with live music. We drank and flirted. We sat side by side on a couch. After a few drinks, Fred placed a cushion to cover  my thighs and wriggled his hands under my thighs to finger my clit while he kissed me. I was wearing a crotchless panty.  I came as he kissed and fingered me. Then it was his turn. I put a cushion on his crotch  and unzipped him. He was wearing a special underwear I had bought for him with just a waist band and a pouch for penis and testicles but not covering the anus nor butt. I flipped the pouch up and exposed his hard cock and started pumping the shaft of his cock in public. We looked very nonchalant and I looked around to make sure no one was starring at us. He came into the cushion very fast. I wiped his cum off the bottom of the cushion and stuffed the tissues into my handbag.

It was a most memorable holiday in Bangkok. Next stop was Patpong.

Forced sex play and sex toys with Fred

Fred and I are sexually compatible. We both like forced and slightly rough sex. I get really turned on when he just ties my hands behind my back. At first that's all we did , using a tie or the band from the bathrobes found in hotels. He first noticed that I like to put my hands behind my back and push my bressts forwards to be attacked when I'm riding the him like a horse and he guessed what I was thinking. I like that he can guess what I want as I was too shy to tell him at first. The first time he tied my hands I was so excited I came very fast. It was pretend rape although I did not say it at first but later we could be very frank and the sex was fabulous. We both still miss each other sexually very much.

I like kneeling down with my hands tied behind while he forces his cock into my mouth in a mouth rape. When I'm very aroused, he will deep throat me very gently and he likes the feeling of his cock fitting snugly into the back of my throat but we don't do that often as it really makes me breathless and retch and I drool saliva all over. When I'm feeling very good about him I would volunteer it as a special treat. 

The next step was a mouth gag, at first only with the terry towel belt or a tie, but when he gave me a proper red ball gag with breathing holes, it was a real turn on for me. Fred knew I wanted more so he bought some rope. All our sex toys are bought from orchard road or during out travels. I like him to tie me up so that my breasts are bound above and below and protrude forwards. I also like to have my neck tied and attached to my hands which are tied behind my back. We both like chokers and we bought a set of black leather wrist and ankle cuffs / restrained that comes with a matching dog collar. There is a light silver chain that attaches to the dog collar. Fred sometimes uses the chain to control my head position when Im kneeling on all fours like a dog while he fucks me from behind doggy
style. Some times he uses a rope instead. When it's a rope he often loops it around my slit from front to back or the other way and pulls on it so the rope rubs my into my slit and my clitoris. Cool.  Usually the chain is just attached loosely to a bedpost or lamp post and symbolic of my captivity and slavery to him.

Sometimes, especially when we are abroad, Fred will dress me up sexiliy and make me wear the black dog collar. I never got down to buying a red dog collar to match my red outfits. We will go out for dinner at restaurants or drinks at clubs and the collar always means lots of flirting and foreplay
before retiring back for a night of sex. He has a necklace with a silver phallus and testicles which can attachés to the dog collar and which I wear during sex but which he sometimes forces me to wear out..it's so embarassing and I always refuse but if he gets his way, wearing the phallus makes me feel
very lusty the entire night, and makes me more flirty with the other men I may meet. After all, I'm already broadcasting my sexuality with that dong on my neck and can't hide myself. Fred gets turned on when I openly flirt with other men. I'm the one who gets upset that he isn't jealous enough.

For a brithdsy present, Fred bought me a high end vibrator. It was shaped like a penis and had a finger like projection at the top which fits against my clitoris nicely when it is inserted to the hilt. It had a two rows of ball bearings around the base which moved against my vulva and the tip could gyrate a bit. It was covered with silicone which felt a bit like human skin. It was the best sex aid. When Fred was busy with his family, I would masturbate with it. Since it was blue in colour, we pretended it was the cock of a man called Mr Blue.

It took me a long time to confess to Fred my sexual preferences. I think it took a year of persistent questioning from him to finally confess that I liked to be roughed up a bit,  and slowly to let on that I do masturbate to fantasies of rape, forced sex, being tied up and gagged,  of one night stands with strangers, and of being fucked by more than one man.

Fred made up stories with Mr Blue to help me enjoy these fantasies. Mr blue could be his friend with
whom I had a one night stand, or who raped me, or Fred and Mr Blue would fuck me together. Mr Blue had a ring at the base and by threading a rope through it, he could be tied deep inside my cunt or my anus and attached to my neck collar so it doesn't slip out. or I would give Mr Blue a blow job while Fred was fucking me. That's how I first enjoyed the pleasures of double penetration. Later on Fred bought another vibrator and I got to enjoy triple penetration sex. Usually I'm so excited I cum intensely within five minutes. Especially if one of the dildo vibrators is in my vagina and its  finger is
touching my clitoris. My favorite combination is with vibrator tied  in my vagina and anus and my arms tied behind my back while I kneel and give Fred a blow job. Fred enjoys this as much as I do but hsi favorite is with a vibratir up my ass while he fucks me from the front and watch me perform a lusty sucking of Mr Blue, pretending it is the cock of a man I met recently. I try to put on a good show for him.

Fred introduced me to body art. He draws all over me during sex and I love it. He likes to mark me with dirty drawings or words like Freds sex slave or  slut and I'm not allowed to wash it off. He wants to own me and I want to be owned. He likes leaving love bites all over my neck and my breasts and buttocks so I would be embarassed. We are talking twenty love bites so I can't explain it away to my friemds.

He likes nipple clamps and labial clamps. I like them too. The best is the remote control butterfly vibrator which I have to wear under my panties. Then we will go out to restaurants clubs, discos and bars, parks and we will just flirt and kiss in public but I've had many orgasms in public this way.

Most of the time, it's Fred talking me through these erotic stories as we fuck and it's really more important than how we fuck. He's very good at talking dirty and it gets me all wet. With Tom, my husband, I'm not going to be able to give him the filthy mind I like, yet it would too slutty for him if I were to suggest too much.  Progress is slow although he is becoming more open. I've got to change
his religious views about sex first. He's so charmingly nice and tender in bed,,  and he wants me very
much so it makes up for everything. It's just that I want to surrender sexually to him more completely and for him to take what he deserves but I can't give myself to him as completely as the way I've given myself to every other lover.he would be so jealous if he could see the way others take me casually, and use and abuse me for sex roughly without caring as much for me. Yet my mental cunt is wired up that way. I can't masturbate to straightforward sex, there has to be a kinky story.

Fred and I compared the porn and the erotica we like and we are are so alike in our preferences it's amazing. He likes all my stories and I like his. I don't have such a good match with my other lovers and he is the lover of my lifetime. When we were  apart and I'm lonely, sometimes I'll call him with
my earphones and he would talk dirty to me while I masturbate with mr blue. After I cum I'll go to sleep feeling much better.

I especially like japanese porn. a familiar theme is that I'm not slutty but I'm being forced into sex but halfway through, becaue of my natural high sex drive, I get so turned on that I start to cooperate with my rapist and end up with a forced orgasm even if there is guilt and embarassment at the end . I'm usually the passive woman who gets seduced and not the active huntress .Some of my favorite porn includes :
Sex on public transport with strangers after being crushed together at peak hours
Being drugged and then tied and raped and filmed and then blackmailed into endless rape
Blackmail sex
Hospital sex between nurses and doctors or patients
Lonely and horny housewife at home forced into unwilling sex and seduced into compliant sex
Massage by male masseur that ends up in unintended sex
Housewife raped at home by husbands friend, colleague or boss after husband is knocked out by drunkeness or drugs. I don't like it if it's only humiliation and violence but the woman doesn't get so much pleasure she can't help herself but have an orgasm.

Pleasurable rape
Double or triple penetration. Two or three men. Not more. I don't like two women and one man and either does Fred.
Slight violence only like threats with knife or gun of forced stripping but no hardcore beating and whipping
Rough sex without hurting
Japanese anime with huge muscular hard men with enormous cocks and feminine fair slender delicate women

Freds list of fave porn
Same except he is lukewarm about  one night stands with strangers.. He only likes his girlfriend having sex with strangers in front of him or at his bidding or as group sex. He isn't jealous at all.

Two men with one women especially
Aphrodisiac sex to turn unwilling women on
Bdsm gentle. He's dominant and I'm submissive.

Our love nest

Fred had a two bed room apartment within walking distance of the hotel which he rented out. As his secretary, I had to attend to their requests and bank in the monthly cheques. When the tenant went back home, and the lease was vacant, I suggested that we enjoy it for a few months before renting out. After all we were already spending thousands of dollars on hotel bills and rarely stayed overnight. We always used five star hotels so it was quite expensive. We ended up using it as our love nest for several years. It was so convenient, I eventually moved and stayed there for several years and made it my home. I was like his concubine or second wife. He let me decorate it and do it up nicely. We had photos of all our holidays together all over the apartment and it was a very happy home for us. Fred had mirrors installed  all over the bedroom and even a mirror on the ceiling! But the very best feature was that Fred set up a video camera which he connected to the large screen tv so that I could see myself having sex. I really like to watch myself being fucked. I get very wet and cum very fast. We even wrote scripts, dressed up and enacted porn scenes  and role play. Watching some of the best of these were our favorite foreplay before having sex. The bedroom closet was filled with lingerie, costumes, sex aids and hundreds of our porn video productions. We are porn stars and starlets! The advantage of the digital revolution was that I could store and process and edit all these privately. Fred likes photography and we have thousands of crystal clear still photos of ourselves posing during sex. The glory and beauty of my youth is expressed and captured in these photos and videos and one day when Im old and grey, and looking back over my life, I would be able to marvel how beautiful my body once was and remember that I've lived my life as fully as I could have and shouldn't regret. I might even show my grand children how naughty grandma was! But for now, I've so much material to masturbate to whenever I crave for something kinky that Tom can't amd won't indulge at the moment. One day Tom and I will make our own videos and enact our own sex stories!