Sex with my boss, how it started

I'm going back in time many years to when I was young, curious, and adventurous (and lusty). Whereas sex with my present husband Tom is more love than sex, I had an affair with my married boss where the sex was wonderful but the relationship couldn't develop any further because he couldn't leave his wife and bear to hurt his children. After O levels, I had taken up a job as a salesgirl in a boutique that sold women's clothes in Hilton hotel along Orchard Road. It sold trendy clothes that the owner bought from France, Italy, and Spain and Hong Kong. He paid me very well, $1800 per month, because he wanted someone with good English to service his customers many of whom were from English speaking countries although there were just as many Indonesians. He said I spoke unusually well for a sales assistant. I said its because I like watching English movies and music videos from young. The hours were shopping hours. I had to work from 11am to 9 pm. This didn't give me much time for my steady John who was free everyday after 5 pm but started earlier than me. I had to work alternate Saturdays and Sundays too. That gave young John lots of time to be with other women. I'm sure he had other affairs he didn't tell me about. Maybe I should have been happy just being the one he came home to at the end of the day. Maybe I'm the victim of social norms that don't take into account the natural behavior of a healthy young man in the prime of his life with strong sexual desires. I managed the shop responsibly and the boss liked and trusted me. He said I was the smartest and most capable assistant he had and made me his secretary as well.  He had a branch in Far East Plaza along Scott's Road that sold parallel imports of branded women's clothes and  he had a branch in Shaw centre that sold sexy lingerie. The most successful branch then was in Parkway Parade Shopping centre which sold clothes  similar to Morgan and Mango. He promoted me to store manager. I still had to run the store at Hilton but I had to check the accounts of the other    stores as well as check their inventories so he didn't get cheated. His wife had a full time job with a    big government linked company at a senior level and worked very long hours. She was not involved   in the business at all and I seldom saw her. He made several buying trips a year to meet his suppliers as well as to check out new fashions.


His name is Fred. His mother had been a rich mans mistress and she had been given a large condo at
Grange Heights at St Thomas Walk to live in as well as set up with a dress shop at Hilton to run to
keep her occupied. Fred was their illegitimate son. He had studied business administration at NUS but  had decided to continue with his mothers businesses instead of getting a paid job. He was in his forties and had two young sons. He was slightly shorter than John but he was lean and muscular as he liked to exercise. I liked his body. It was manly. I find hair attractive and like his hairy chest. After our torrid affair started, I got him to keep a mustache. I liked his lean wiry look with ample buttocks  and broad shoulders. His face was more rugged and masculine but he was not as handsome as John.  

The most sexy thing about him was that he spoke well and wittily. The least sexy thing about him    was that he was married with kids. He was a knowledgeable man of the world with lots of real
life stories to tell. He liked to dress well and he was always asking my opinion of his fashionable
clothes. He had a surprising knowledge of women's fashion and he was always asking me and other women how we felt about women's clothes. He always treated me very well but he kept his distance from me and our relationship was avuncular, like an uncle and niece, until I broke up with John three years later.

I was feeling very bad about myself after John dumped me for his polytechnic mate. It was worse because my desperation to keep him meant I accepted all his abuses and insults near the end. But I was  finally left alone anyway, feeling like a pile of shit. That's why I was vulnerable to Fred's advances even though he was married.  Fred was very sweet to me when he realized what was     happening. He noticed that I was down, that I wasn't rushing to close the shop, that I stopped        requesting for weekends off and early closing of the shop to go somewhere. There was usually no    
dinner at home, as my mum works nights so he advised me how to eat healthily. He was a fitness    man. "Eggs", he said, "they are nutritious and not fattening, and they are so easy to prepare. Always    crack a couple of eggs into your noodles. One evening he called to check if I was going home for  dinner alone and when I answered yes, he turned up at closing time with a 24 pack of eggs, broccoli, green leafy vegetables ( sio Pek chai ) fresh mushrooms, tins of spiced pork cubes, baked beans, dace fish with black beans, tuna, etc. Army food he said, and no harm having a good meal to cheer yourself up, then he drove me home as he said it's not convenient to take the eggs on the train.


Fred seemed able to lift my spirits more than my mom and my brother. They tried too, but I suppose the attentions of Fred was better for my self esteem. And my self esteem was at an all time low so the attentions of an attractive man was what I needed most. Fred turned up at my branch more often and near closing time, and since I was going home to dine alone anyway, I accepted his occasional invitations for dinner. I told Fred all about John. He said that John didn't realize how good I was, that I was attractive and nice, and that a lot of good men will like me. He said that if he was not married, he would date me for sure. He wonders if he made the right choice of wife as they are always quarreling when she gets back home from work late and tired whereas he's usually fresh and fit. They also fought often over the kids education with Fred thinking the system is crazy and he can't stand his wife scolding the boys over undone school work the moment she gets home. He brings his kids to the  beach or to the golf driving range in the evenings, but when she arrives to join them at the beach for dinner at 8pm, her first question to the sweaty or sand covered kids would be,"have you done your homework?" Does it look like they have done their work?" Fred would reply. "Look, the sand has destroyed my high heels." So Fred asks the driver to provide a pair of sandals in the car if she's joining them at the beach.  His wife is ok when fresh but snaps at everyone when she is stressed or tired, and nowadays, that's like all the time. The family support for the kids isn't great and Fred feels  
    things will be better if she quits her job. However, she doesn't want to. She likes working. I don't  like   kids and the only ones I will tolerate and care for are my own. Even then I don't want to spend the   entire day with them. I need a break. You can fire your staff but you can't fire your kids. It's easy for   you. You just play with them but I've got to organize the maids, the tuition, the Enrichment classes etc..

So there we were companions in misery who ended up as partners in bed. At first it was just a meal. Lunch or dinner. Normally my solitary dinner will be late, maybe 9-10 pm in the large coffee shop in the ground floor of the next block of HDB flats (Housing and Development Board 99 y leased flats government subsidized in which 90% of Singaporeans stay). I don't eat there alone, I buy something back but often I'm tired and jsut go straight home to unwind and snack on whatever mom left over in the fridge or my favorite instant noodles. After I broke up with John, I missed having some one to have dinner with on weekdays. I often just missed dinner altogether, or just had an apple or orange. I ate less and lost weight, and became pale, hence Fred's concern. Because there was often customers around lunch, I got my neighbors to buy back for me or ate biscuits with instant coffee. Fred was appreciative of this and if he came down to check the shop, he would sometimes buy some hawker  food for me. Or if business was slow, he would close the shop and bring me over to Far East Shopping Centre for a quick bite. He became a friend and still is my very good friend to this day  although we have stopped having sex after we officially broke up. He always remembers my birthday  and once a year, around my birthday month, we would have dinner. Even now, with permission from my husband, I have an annual dinner with my ex boss, and it's like old friends catching up. Tom doesn't know about our affair and I can't tell him if I want to continue this platonic friendship. It's not like the west, where are people are more open about each other's ex lover or spouse.

I didn't feel guilty about the whole affair as it happened so spontaneously. At first, I felt I was just  making a friend and having a meal only. And what's wrong with that? Soemtimes we would discuss  the accounts and what the customer feedback was regarding preferences and sizes. It was work too.    The work wasquite lonely. I was often the only person in the shop and when there were two, I had to   go check the accounts of the other shops. Fred was often the only person I socialized with the whole day. The bright spark in an otherwise dreary day.

To be continued...

Sex and Love with my husband Tom

Introduction
I've had a few  medium to long term relationships and quite a few short term affairs over many years. Maybe I'm better at the sex part than the love part as I have broken up with all my previous boyfriends and I'm hoping for better luck this time. I just got married when I was two months pregnant and I'm expecting in September. I also advised two very close female married friends on how to improve their sex lives. I also think I'm good at satisfying my men sexually and I'm very liberal and frank (online only) If you think that's good enough for me to have something interesting to say about sex, read on...

Sex
The utmost important thing is to choose a partner who is not inhibited and repressed about sex.  Sex is also about play and adventure and if you married a stern serious strict old fashioned puritanical person with no sense of fun then its very difficult. A lifetime of habits and ideas imbibed in childhood is very hard to overcome.

Love
Just as important is love. I didn't marry an ideal sex partner by far. Tom is Christian. Whilst he didn't believe sex was only for procreation and making babies only and was ok with sex for pleasure, he is the most old fashioned of all my lovers and is quite uptight about what's proper in sex. He's very straight. He's actually the lousiest lover of all my lovers. However, he's the one who loves me the most and is the nicest to me. If you line all my exes in front of me, he's also quite low in the face handsomeness ranking ( all my men turn out to be slender and of decent build). Yet I'll still choose
him again. He's nice to people in general also. We all take each other for granted for a while but it's
good to start off from a higher level of love. Love is more important than sex.
Little things like walking hand in hand all the time, like always rushing home to be with me insteadof hanging out with the guys, watching movies together with popcorn, always listening to what I have
to say respectfully whether or not he agreed. etc..

Sex with Tom
It's the best because he really likes me a lot and he's very affectionate and tender in his caresses. I feel quite loved and respected and it's always a pleasure to have sex with him whether I come or not. It's a warm, cozy and happy experience and I'm always in the mood to have sex with him whenever he wants sex because he's so nice to me when we are at it. I feel good after sex. With some of my other lovers, I am made to feel empty or discarded or very cheap after having had sex. Why do they treat me so coldly after I've worked so hard to give them a good experience. I would clean myself and
them up with a wet towel, and offer drinks or food and warm conversation to try to keep up the friendliness but they tend to withdraw after sex. If I complain, I end up arguing and then the evening is ruined. I don't understand that. With Tom, if I lie back and go to sleep after cumming,he cleans me up if there is semen spilt. It's the other way round.

We usually have sex in bed in the missionary position, lying on the side with him entering me from behind or me lying on my back,with him lying on his side and entering me at an angle. I come often especially when he rubs my clitoris. If he's tired, I get to do my favorite position which is to ride him like a horse, facing him. That way, if I lean forward, I can grind my clitoris against his pubic area.  Our sex is quite monotonous, always the same but I don't mind doing the same position again and again for the rest of my life as long as he's kind to me. I wont get bored with his niceness.

We are very different when it comes to sex. I look and behave very sweet and demure but really, once
you get past my defenses, I'm like a wanton slut but he's very straight and religious. His parents are
just as puritanical. He at first believed in sex only after marriage so for a very long time we only held hands and kissed. It took him a long time before he had sex with me. Once we kissed nonstop for an hour until I came. The only time in my life I've come from kissing. We were both very surprised when I came and he  thought he had hurt me! He put me on a pedestal but I couldn't tell him that I'm no angel. I couldn't tell him I've been fucked in every single orifice and enjoyed it. Nor could I tell him that even to this day, his sperm is the only one of all my lovers that I've not tasted.
When I suck his cock, he doesn't like it enough to want to come in my mouth or face. He always pulls
out to enter my vagina. When I ask him how he feels about about something sexual, he often says this is disgusting, or that is weird or sick, so how can I tell him how I feel? When I mentioned about anal sex, he said its so dirty and perverted. So we got married without me telling him about my sexual past and my sexual preferences. I think he doesn't want to know. Once, after some petting but before we had started having sex together regularly, and we were both relaxed and chatting, I asked him whether anything about women turned him on especially, and whether he had any kinky desires I could fulfill. He replied that he liked sweet innocent girls like me and that he was turned off by all the slutty girls in porn who had very low morals. By that time, I had grown to love him and wanted him too badly to risk showing him what I really was like sexually. I know this is wrong and I'm very sorry about this but I was already 32 then and I've already had so many men who wouldn't commit, and I desperately wanted him and wanted to start a family with him. I was hoping in vain so many times. They mostly  like the sex but they wouldn't commit to the future. Maybe they couldn't take my questioning and talking back. Tom was the opposite. He liked me because he found my conversation interesting. Sex was important but so was companionship to him. My girlfriends said I had sex too readily with my ex boyfriends. Usually by the fifth or sixth date, I'll let them touch me. Since I was so easy taken, they didn't treasure what they got so easily. So with Tom, I rejected all physical intimacy the first year and only let him progress in the second year, so by the time he got me, it was nearly the end of the second year. I let him persuade me with long chats, romantic dinners, flowers, gifts, cards, and enjoyed it
every step of the way. I fought over letting my dress, my bra and my panties be removed. I refused to let him enter me until he had brought me to many orgasms over several dates by stroking my clitoris. And when we finally had vaginal sex, and he came inside me, I told him that he had conquered me and that I was now his and his only. He was my proud owner.

The future of our sex life
I'm going to work on Tom slowly so he gets more adventurous in bed. This is going to take years. I can wait. Im going to show him my sexual self slowly, a bit at a time, and make him like me as I am, a fully sexual woman. I've had wild sex with many men, and such sex is easier to get. I can't get another Tom who treats me so well and is financially secure so easily. My love life is already perfect. I return his love by being as nice to him as he is to me and by being sexually faithful. Now I get to work on a more exciting sexual relationship. As for being faithful, I mean in deed. But in thought, when he's a bit of a bore in bed, I sometimes fantasize that he is someone else, doing all sorts of wicked things to me and forcing me to perform all sorts of sexual acts.
One of the reasons I refuse his efforts to convert me is the bible saying that he or she who has looked upon another person with lust has already committed adultery in his/her heart. There's no way I can live up to that kind of high standard, and I refuse to believe that others are also not lusting with their eyes. As long as I don't sleep with another man, I can imagine what I want, and still be faithful to him.

My next post will be about how I plan to seduce Tom into my ideal sex partner without making him think lowly of me..

Letters from readers

Come across your blog randomly and read it thoroughly.  

Based on the limited information, I would say you dodge a bullet there by getting out (even though he is the one leaving) from such abusive and dysfunctional relationship. It is clear that your ex is not a person that is capable of love when he choose to sleep around and use your body as his personal sexual tool.

On top of the physical abuse, he even make tried and succeeded to make you feel that is was your fault for the revenge sex. Of course, two wrong doesn't make it right but if he think you are unforgivable, he should just leave you and not trying to justify his action by blackmailing you emotionally. You may still love him, but I can guarantee you that he never love you before. You are just a fuck hole to him. He kept you because you are conveniently available.

So don't feel bad for yourself, be thankful that you managed to leave before it turn worse.

If you writing is merely frictional, then I'm glad that you didn't have to gone through the shit that you mentioned in the blog.

From, xxxxxx

Dear xxxxxx

Thanks a lot for your sympathy. 

You may not believe this but after several years, when both John and I had had other lovers, we got back together to give ourselves a second chance. That's the thing about first love. It's was clearer when I already had other men to compare with, that he wasn't that great except for his looks. He was spoilt by his mother and still so attached to her, he STILL couldn't make decisions for us without consulting her continuously. I was nice to his family but he didn't reciprocate. The last straw was when nearing our tenth anniversary, he still didn't want to get married, as he wanted to focus on his career first. I wanted a clear commitment which still wasn't going to come, so I just stopped waiting for him.

It wasn't as though I was abused and used all the way. We had a grand trip to Malacca, and I kept trying to model our relationship on beautiful memory of that. We had periods of happiness and times of just doing ordinary things together. I did enjoy having sex with him. It's just that looking back, I describe the key moments that were memorable. 

The silver lining is I have had several very different lovers instead of a one and only, so unlike other couples who married their first loves, I don't wonder what other men are like, nor wonder how else life could have been. I'm now married and pregnant. My husband,Tom,is very very nice to me, my friends, and my family. He's also a more stable provider, and better qualified with a master degree from NUS working in the government service. He is quite a bit taller and slender, like John, but no where as handsome. However, after a while, his ugly face has become cute and adorable. We are renovating our resale 4 room (@1000 square feet)HDB flat now. 

I'm 35 and I wanted a child, a healthy one. He's a couple of years younger, a virgin, and I was his first girlfriend, so I told him I know it's not fair to ask him for anything but I couldn't wait. It didn't matter if he didn't marry me in the end, I'd be happy to have his child and be a single mother. No strings attached, not even child support from him. Shocking? So we had unprotected sex and after a couple of years, I became pregnant. Strange how he could accept it despite being a Christian. And all those single Christian girls in his church but he chose a freethinker like me. When he found out I was pregnant, he proposed! and we got married with a baby in my tummy. So life is good. Almost perfect except my work environment could be better.

I was hounding John about settling down, but he was so reluctant. But with Tom, I just surrendered and gave up. I told him I was happy to have had the pleasure of his companionship for whatever period we stayed together, and both the sex and the baby was No Strings Attached. That was a great aphrodisiac for him.  He wanted much more sex after I said that to him. 

I write because a lot of what I think, I cannot express in my private life because it's not acceptable to the people around me, but I need to get them off my chest and express them. I hope my candour will allow other people to open up and talk more freely about sex and love and maybe be more true to themselves. I think that will help some people. In reaction to not being able to even use words like cock and cunt in my daily conversations, I list every single disgusting little detail about what I've done. I have a strong sex drive which is unacceptable in oriental society. To protect myself from people who cannot accept what I've said and who may be vicious, I've changed all the names and places and even the events have been changed keeping the principle of the story true. My photo looks a dead ringer for me but it's not me, my school is in the north, my birthday year is correct. My occupation is correct. 

What is the truth? I'm more real in the virtual world but more virtual  in the real world. 

 Stuly

Disaster after revenge fuck

After I repaid Johns infidelity with a revenge fuck with a taxi driver, things were not the same between us. I had broken something which could not be put back.  His ideas  about sex was that it was forgiveable for a man to have affairs because men were made with high sex drives and it didn't mean anything to them. A woman was different. An ideal woman was chaste and virginal.  A woman who had sex with another man was betraying much more. My arms and my vagina was his special place. A home away from home and an exclusive cosy corner. That was the prison he locked himself into with those ideas planted by maybe his mother or by society. He could never see the inconsistency and unfairness I felt. He screwed around so many times with  more than one other woman and yet I was willing to take him back, but this was the first time I had been unfaithful and it was not
acceptable to him. I had warned about what I was going to do and he had let me go ahead with it. It may have been his ego too. He was a bit higher in the attractiveness ratings than I was, and I wanted him more than he wanted me. With all these in his head, the thought of me enjoying a good thorough fucking with another man shattered the Madonna image that he had for his woman. I was too morally loose to be his woman. Woman like me were only good as sex objects but not as steady girlfriends nor as wives.

He turned cold. He locked me out of his heart. He spent weekend nights with his buddies and I don't who else. When he was half drunk,  he would turn up at midnight at my house and use my body like his sex toy. Without a nice date or a chat to warm up. I could feel his anger the way we fucked. I was ordered around to do what he wanted and he didn't try to please me. After he had come, he rolled away instead of cuddling up. It was very rough sex. He hit and bit me and scolded me nonstop during sex. I often cried after sex because it was evident each time after he had come, that he had not been
able to forgive me. At first I submitted to all his abuse because I wanted to patch up and he had
agreed not to see Elaine again. But it didn't stop. He would blame me for anything that went wrong. Even his precious mother, who didn't know about my infidelity, took my side. After one big quarrel, he asked me to get out of his house where I often stayed over, and I moved all my stuff home.

My self confidence was shaken by his rejection. Why was I so unacceptable now?  Was I really a morally flawed woman whom no good man would want? This was so unfair and ridiculous but John and our conservative society made me feel very very bad about myself. I was not good enough.  Any good woman should be able to control her sexual desire. I shouldn't be capable of having sex, let alone have an orgasm with another man if I were any good. I was the kind of inferior stock that prostitutes were made of.  Sometimes I could fight this and reject all this obvious nonsense, but back
then I sometimes wasn't strong enough to believe in myself. So I let him treat me like a whore with
disrespect and contempt, and once when I surprisingly managed to have an orgasm, that made him
despise me even more. He spurted his sperm all over my face and hair and spat at my face for good
measure. He received calls from girls when he was with me and even made a date once. He didn't bother to hide anything anymore. He must have been sleeping with with someone else for sure. Once he was fucking me doggy style and received a call. He spoke to a girl for at least a minute arranging to meet up with her. He just reached for his phone and didn't even stop thrusting. He was cruel in his revenge. He even compared my performance poorly with his other lovers and told me where I could improve but he never complimented me. ( I actually became a more skillful lover with all his blunt feedback) Since I could not let him go, I was punished many many times over for a single revenge fuck. Why was I so stupid to do it. Why did I let him know what I did?  Why did I keep allowing him into my home for degrading sex? There were no more dinner nor movie dates. Just late night sex like in a brothel. I let him do what you did because in his anger with me, he was passionate again. He was connected to me again, but now with hate rather than love. I was hoping that with time, this passion
will turn to love again and that he will forgive me. However, no matter how I pleaded and argued, he
couldn't understand why I could enjoy sex with another man when I was still with him. Men could do that because they were made that way. Women that did that had a sex drive like that of a man, and that showed a moral slackness or sluttiness that was unacceptable.

The ultimate punishment was anal sex. We did it for the first time during this unhappy period. It was
probably thought up to punish me.  When doing doggy style sex, he suddenly came out and put the
tip of his cock against my anus and pushed hard. There was no gentle persuasion nor attempt to lubricate my anus. It was so tight and painful. My anal sphincter ring finally and suddenly surrendered and he popped into my rectum.  There was a sharp severe tearing pain when he entered. This pain was much worse than when he took my virginity. Some tissue must have been stretched beyond tolerance and ripped suddenly. I cried out in pain but he didn't stop. He kept pumping me
violently and I  shrieked in pain with each terrible thrust. I had to cover my mouth to muffle the involuntary cries of pain so I wouldn't wake my family up. He wouldn't come but he kept thrusting
and thrusting for at least ten minutes before he finally came. I was covered with sweat from the agony and the sheets were covered with so much blood. I couldn't shit properly for two weeks as
it was so painful.

The next time after we again had icy cold animalistic sex, I cracked. I sobbed and asked him what he wanted and why we couldn't go back to as before.  He said, I could take what he offered or breakup. Which was that he would see anyone he wanted and do anything he wanted but we will still be together. My revenge fuck left me without any bargaining chips. We were not dating any more and he wasn't talking. He was probably seeing someone else too.  Having unsatisfying sex was the only
connection I had left with him and if not for that, I had no chance to connect with him. Once I refused his cold degrading sex demands in anger and he just walked off.  The funny thing was we were having much more sex than before. He was hard, very hard, and often came fast. He  now sometimes
wanted to do it a second time the same night. I thought that if he released all his anger through sex, he would calm down eventually, but this just went on and on for months. When he had enough of punishing me, he became indifferent. His anger went away, and he become cold and indifferent. Even the late night sexual abuse was not coming anymore. When he didn't turn up for more than three weeks, I called him late one night to humbly invite him over for  supper but he declined politely. Both the anger and the passion was gone. Our relationship was over.

Don't tell your partner about your revenge sex

http://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/wild-secrets/is-revenge-sex-worth-it

The desire of the man is for the woman, the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201206/dominant-or-submissive-the-paradox-power-in-sexual-relationships

Punished for my revenge fuck

"You low class whore! You filthy slut! You sex addict!!" John shouted as he confronted me over my revenge fuck. He saw the love bites on my neck and he pulled my blouse down roughly and saw the love bites all over my breasts, above my bra.  " how can you do this to me? You are mine alone!" It was satisfying to see him so angry. That's what I wanted, to hurt him back, and yet it was a hollow victory. I felt that I was now classified as soiled goods and no longer could stand on the pedestal that's reserved for his woman . "Yes, I'm bad, I screwed around, " he screamed,"but I always come back to you!" I defended,"then why can't I have some fun just like you? Like you, I also enjoy sex with new partners. I can also always come back to you after I've let some man fuck me! What's the difference?  The difference was that he is a man, and men fool around but I'm a woman, I have a reputation to protect for both of us. He can't be seen as a man who's woman is fucking other men as well. And I will be seen as an immoral slut but he won't be. He's just a victim of other sluts who have seduced him and now I'm no different from the other sluts. This was ridiculous. "As long as you fuck around, I will also let other men do what they want with me!" I defied him," I'll only stop if you stop . if you don't stop, I'll break up with you." He threatened. " I retorted, "it's the same for me, if you don't stop, it's you who is breaking my heart and you who is breaking up with me." He slapped me, and I slapped him back.

He didn't want to breakup in the end and we both agreed no more sex with anyone but he still couldn't accept the idea that I had sex with another man other than him..he got some vodka from the kitchen and started to drink.  After a few drinks, he asked,"did you enjoy having sex with that taxi driver?"  "You don't want to know." I said. "That means that you did, who is the better lover?" He asked. " I'm not answering that." I said. " did you cum?" He asked. I didn't answer. He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes, " did you let him cum inside you?" I blinked. "You fucking horny bitch!," he shouted. John knew my sex habits. I don't let him cum inside me as that's our only method of birth control. But when I've had a good orgasm, I'll not only let him but I'll want him to cum inside me. I was caught out by a blink. He had agreed to stop seeing Elaine and promised not to see anyone else. So I had  achieved my goal. But hopefully I hadn't broken anything beyond repair.

He slapped me again. This time I didn't slap back. I walked away but he grabbed  both my wrists and faced me  it I looked down to avoid his gaze, " did you suck his cock?"  I just bowed my head. " you filthy cunt!" He bellowed with jealousy, "did you ride him and cup his balls with your hands?!" I was mute but I blocked his slaps with my forearms. I felt his anger and his pain. I wanted him to feel pain but now that we had made up, I was on his side too. I was confused but by wanting to be on his side, I now wanted to punish myself too.

He grabbed some raffia string from the kitchen and forced me down on the floor while he tied my hands behind my back, all the while cursing me. He then grabbed the cane my mum bought for her niece and came to flog me. I ran into my bedroom and closed the door with my body then I turned my back to the door and tried to lock it with my hands tied behind my back but I was a bit too slow.

A rain of cane blows left red streaks all over my body. "You fucking bitch," he cried. John is weird in that every time after we fight he wants to have sex when he is still angry. He forced me on the floor in and started to strip me. I tried to resist because I didn't want him to see the love bites all over my breasts, my body, and my thighs. He ripped my blouse to shreds and buttons flew everywhere. He finally pulled of my panties and saw the words Ricky had written on my buttocks, with my encouragement : Ricky's Slut. "You belong in a Geylang brothel you prostitute!" He roared, and forced me up on my knees. He pulled off his trousers and underwear, grabbed my hair, and forced my lips onto his cock. " suck, you bitch!" And he started pump fucking my mouth. "Open up your filthy slut lips!" He commanded. He was very rough with me. I opened my jaw as wide as I could , covering my teeth with my lips, and he forced his cock deeper into my throat than it had ever gone. The head of his penis fitted right into my throat and made me gag and retch. I also couldn't breathe well. I had to gasp for breath in between. I cooperated with him because I am on his side and wanted to help him punish me. John only let up when I became giddy and almost fainted from lack of oxygen. Then he stood there and I tried to give him as good a blow job as I knew how, while every now and then, he would lash me with the cane. After that he made me kneel on my bed with my face into the pillow whilst he grabbed by buttocks and pumped me from behind. All the while he pinched my buttocks and slapped them till they were burning. He noticed I was very wet by then so he called,"you sex pervert! You enjoy being beaten up, " and continued to pump at me till he came inside me with hot splashes of semen.

He lay down on my bed after he came. He made me get suck his cock dry of sperm whilst his semen dribbled out of my vagina and down my thighs. Then he fell asleep leaving me still tied up. I walked to the kitchen and freed myself with a knife. I hadn't cum yet but I had discovered that very rough sex and being beaten turned me on sexually. I lay on the sofa and thought of John caning and fucking me in many positions while I fingered my clit till I climaxed and got my release.

This wasn't a happy ending though. John couldn't forget or forgive my sexual infidelity even though I could forgive his. It kept coming up in our quarrels though I tried to make up for what I did. It wasn't enough, and when he had another affair, and I wanted to break up again, he accepted it calmly.

Links: sex after marriage

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201406/love-lust

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201406/childolatry

Revenge sex with a taxi driver

My jealousy and anger at Johns unfaithfulness grew and grew and twisted a knot in my heart that ended up with me having revenge sex to punish him. This was one of the final events that led to us breaking up. If he expected me to forgive him for his flings and his long affair, surely he can forgive me for a one night stand? At least he will feel what I felt and can understand me better. I can't deny that I was young and adventurous and I also wanted to experience other men but I would not have done so if I wasn't so frustrated with John. I had done very well as a sales assistant so that despite being only 19 , my boss had made me his secretary for his few shops selling women's clothes. Once he was too busy and sent me as his proxy to meet a supplier of dresses in Bangkok to check and select for a shipment to Singapore. I called a cab to the airport. It was something I looked forward to as I was traveling for work for the first time, and all expenses paid. I dressed in a long sleeved white cardigan which draped loosely and showed off one shoulder. I wore a light blue denim miniskirt but only sneakers for shoes as I was traveling. The cab driver Ricky showed a keen interest in me. He was around forty and he had been retrenched from his job in a fund management company over a year ago. This was his third retrenchment. He had been working at the company for three years but before that, he was in GIC for more than ten years, several of which were in Manhattan, New York. He hadn't been able to get a good job in the banking sector and he was so traumatized by his stressful and political work environment and his three retrenchments that he just wanted to switch off and do a mind numbing job. He didn't want to be a teacher as he was not into kids and not patient. His hair showed streaks of silver from the old stressful days. He spoke very good English and he was quite witty, well read and well travelled. He had a good build, a few cm shorter than John, 1.72m? but he was thicker and more muscular. He liked jogging and his body was trim. He wore spectacles but he was bubbly and warm and he smiled with many crows feet spreading from the corner of his eyes. His full set of teeth were fairly white. He was clean cut, had a square masculine jaw, and the face was mildly good looking without hiding the age. John is more handsome and youthful but this guy was an experienced man of the world and he was very interested in me. 'Which terminal are you going to? xiao mei ? (Little sister) referring to my youth and my small size.. Perhaps in a slightly condescending manner but that tone disappeared when he found that I spoke maturely and clearly in good English. "Why's a pretty girl like you traveling all alone? Where is your boyfriend?" he teased. "My boyfriend is too busy fooling around with his schoolmate to want to come along " I sighed bitterly, "and I'm working anyway and his mother won't give him permission to skip a few days of school." "Haha, he said, your boyfriend doesn't treasure you enough. I know many men who would be glad to accompany you to Bangkok, myself included. Just give me a call whenever he's unavailable or you are upset with him." He joked. "And why is a man like you driving a taxi?" I asked, and then he told me his story....."the banking world is a rat race, and full of evil people" he concluded. And after that he was quiet in thought . When he dropped me off at the terminal, he said , "it's nice talking to a pretty girl like you, and I'll be very happy if you gave me the honor of fetching you when you return, Sms your flight details, " and then he gave me his card. My Bangkok trip was ok but whilst there, John must have dated Elaine again. Every night I called his home but he wasn't there even at midnight on a weekday. I called his mobile but he was evasive and not willing to have a chat. He kept denying but still every night he was out. I told him we might as well break up if he preferred Elaine and I won't hold him back but he just denied everything. My fury at his unfaithfulness might have subconsciously affected my decision to call Ricky to book his cab. I usually only book cabs going abroad but not on returning home. 'How was your trip?" Asked Ricky, " you don't look very happy." "It was great! " I said, " I like the dresses and the fashions in Thailand, they have got style and good taste." "And our agent is a Singaporean man who knew all the best restaurants and night spots. He was gay but he was fun. He even took me to a boy bar where the women would go to watch men strip and do pole dancing." " oh I've heard about those places, " he said, " rich women go there to find a duck or paid lover, but with your looks, you don't have to go there." " you could go to Sparks or Zouk to find a man, mature capable men... So did your boyfriend go off with his schoolmate like you said? Because your face is really black as with anger." " I'm sure he did,"I said bitterly,"I don't know why I put up with it again and again." "Don't get angry," he said, "get even. If he can have fun, why can't you . It s fair. While you are young and pretty, there are men everywhere and you might even find a better man. Enjoy your good looks while you are young. When you are older, you wont have this power anymore and you will wonder what other men could be like" he was very persuasive." Come to Zouk tonite, and let me introduce you to other men, and make John jealous at the same time. Sometimes it's makes them look at you again if he notices that other men desire you." I was sold, and agreed to meet him that night. John didn't call me even though he knew I was back that day. He was avoiding my anger. If he had called , I would have met him to give him another one of my ultimatums. But since he didn't call, I dated Ricky. I wanted to show John up and punish him. I would give myself away and make him suffer. I put on my shortest miniskirt, and a halter neck that showed off my flawless shoulders and back. It was all in black. My top was like a Chinese dudo with a low back. I sprayed lots of a musky perfume called Beautiful and wore black four inch heels. I put on a glossy bright red lipstick and a G string underwear that one of my girlfriends had given me as a birthday present to wear for John but I had never worn it for him because we were still bickering. It went with the miniskirt which I had bought in Thailand because the material was thin and normal underwear would show through. My breasts were only B cup size so I wore a push-up wonderbra. I looked in the mirror and was proud of what I saw. I have long straight hair which came to just below my shoulders. I turned left and right and looked over my bare shoulders and felt I looked great. I was even a bit wet in the cunt. Oh and I stuck on some fake eyelashes too. I thought I looked better than Elaine. I described myself in a SMS and I sent it to John with the words, " I'm going to be somebody's hot date tonight!" It was satisfying to imagine the knife in his heart that he had been twisting in mine. I had almost left the house but went back to put on a little black choker with a buckle. Since it looked like a dog collar I thought it represented obedience and submission to others. I wanted to be as exciting as possible. My heart was as black with naughty intentions as my all black outfit, with a black sling bag with tiny silver studs. Ricky called to say he was downstairs. I looked at myself in the mirror for one final touch up and I froze. What was I doing ? I hardly knew this guy and he would think me a slut or whore. I was so cheap on a first date. I wiped off my bright red lipstick to a glossy pink one. My skirt was too short. My belly button was peeking between the bottom of my halter neck and the top of my skirt. I have a longer skirt just above the knee. I was about to change into that when suddenly I had a recurrent imagined vision of John and Elaine making out on a bed, completely nude. It was so painful that I steeled my heart to betray him and give his girlfriends body away to whoever wanted it. To punish him by inflicting the same pain on him. I pulled my short miniskirt back on and walked out of my house with resolve. I exaggerated the sway of my hips a little like a model on a catwalk and went downstairs to meet Ricky. Ricky was leaning against his taxi with his hands in his black Hugo Boss jeans. By coincidence, he was also all in black so we looked like a steady couple. He had a black Hugo Boss long sleeved shirt on with a button opened at the top and the sleeves rolled up a bit, and black leather shoes. He looked ok. "Wow!" He exclaimed, and looked me up and down for a few seconds before settling on my eyes, " you are beautiful, and my heart just stopped beating for a dew seconds!" I laughed uncomfortable as I was feeling very embarrassed and like a whore presenting herself sale for the first time and yet undeniably and shamefully pleased at his complete and warm admiration. " I love your shapely shoulders and your flawless back" he continued to stare at my body and " those legs of yours are exciting!" I dropped my eyes to look at his crotch involuntarily when he said he was excited and was ? Subconsciously pleased to note his very obvious erection. I couldn't return his compliments but just blushed quietly like the young 19 year old I was then. I just smiled gently. It's very uncomfortable to have someone staring at your body for several seconds and appraising it for sexual attractiveness and I was a bit insecure and aware of all my imperfections, yet his reassuring compliments were arousing. I suddenly felt very desirable and desirous at the same time. "So you obviously haven't made up with John nor have you forgiven him."he commented. I nodded my head. Standing there while he scrutinized my body greedily with his eyes. He settled on my eyes again,"And do you want to punish him tonight or do you just want to have fun?" He stared right at me as he said that directly to my face. I couldn't avert my eyes but bowed my head a little, as I answered and half confessed shyly, I supposed it's both." " that's nothing to be ashamed of" he said, and then he opened the car door for me, and offered me his hand to hold as I got in. He closed the door gently after making sure I was well seated, and walked over to other sides and we drove off. I was very glad to get into the car. The minute on the road being inspected in full public view was like being on stage for the first time. Previously with John, we just got comfortable talking to each other first, but tonight because of the way I was dressed and because of my intentions to hurt John, I was meeting a man with the intention to be sexually unfaithful to some extent and I was filled with tension, guilt, fear, anxiety and sexual excitement. I was dressed in such a provocative way, I couldn't hide and deny my sexuality, and even though I'm already a very liberal Singapore girl, I still had lots of social norms at the back of my mind telling me I was being bad. I knew subconsciously that I would probably end up not doing anything and get laughed at by John for being such a silly fool and I had dressed like this to burn my bridges and to force myself to the act and make it difficult for myself to runaway. It was like making a sexual promise that I would be obliged to keep if I were an honorable woman. When I sat down, my skirt rode up my thighs even more, exposing a vast amount of fair smooth hairless skin, and he looked at them for what seem a log time before he looked at me again and said, "I love your soft smooth thighs" and then he drove off. How could I take offense? I had asked for it my dressing like that and I had told him I wanted a revenge date so in those circumstances, he couldn't be said to have been rude. We went for dinner at Clark Quay at The Thanh Ying, a Thai restaurant since I like spicy food. At the entrance, I sent john an SMS. I told him where I was having dinner. The food and ambience was good and Ricky had lots of interesting stories about the banking world to tell. He told me about how the economy of the world works and where the money was made and how fortunes could be made or lost and the terrible things about men fighting in the companies for the performance and promotion that will enrich them. About the flattery and about women and even men sleeping with people to climb the corporate ladder. Ricky was my window into the real pulsating world out there, a world I had just begun to glimpse from the more sheltered retail world of the boutique in the Hilton Hotel and the local designer shops in Bangkok. I wanted to be a part of that world and suddenly, John didn't seem so great, he was just a young man, barely out of boyhood, childish amongst the world of men who made things happen in the world. It's not fair but to a young girl like me, the older more accomplished men are so much more impressive. His pay was very high then, before he lost his job at GIC, and he spent it all on expensive cars, holidays and women. By the time I met him, he was burnt out and traumatized by repeated retrenchment and the ugly politics and was taking a break driving taxis because there was only physical stress and no mental stress which is harder to take. He sold his BMW 5 and the savings on transport was enough to keep his Aspen heights apartment which was partly paid up and the monthly repayment was ok. He still had money left over to do some trading in stocks and some shares with dividends so if he spent reasonably, he had a comfortable life without having to work too long hours. He said it was sustainable living. After dinner, we walked along Clark Quay when John tried to call me. I rejected his calls so he SMS saying, "Stop this nonsense and go home now!" I send him another SMS telling him that Ricky kept putting his arm round my waist but I kept pushing it away but finally decided to let him. I SMS. " you can spend the night with her whilst I spend the evening with him!" Ricky commented, "that's why I remained single after so many years and so many women, I always break up after the honeymoon stage when I get into the quarreling stage. Maybe I'm too idealistic and I expect a perfect relationship which doesn't exist in real life. The only person I decided to commit my life to decided that I wasn't perfect enough when I kept losing my job. Now I'm single again but with a little boy to look after." My phone rang again. John was calling but I switched to silent. Ricky asked,"does your boyfriend beat people up when he gets jealous?" I laughed," don't worry, he doesn't do anything without his Moms permission."Ricky replied," What about you, do you need to consult your mum about ANYTHING?"he asked suggestively. "I've grown up alone with my mum working all the time. She doesn't bother when I stay out late. Not even when I sleep over at Johns house. I definitely don't need to consult her over what I might decide to do tonight!" I winked seductively as I said that. We went to Zouk for drinks because his gang was there. They were mostly from the financial corporate world with a few of his ex colleagues from GIC ( government of Singapore investment corporation ). Most were alone but a couple were with their female partners. They called Ricky a cradle snatcher but perhaps in an envious way. In this materialistic world, he must have felt a bit inferior but he didn't let it show. I was introduced as his girlfriend and a boutique manager and he strongly recommended them to buy clothes from my Hilton branch. I was the baby of the group and nowhere near a graduate and didn't like the sneers of some of them who felt I was a little kid. Some of them weren't too friendly with Ricky either. They must be looking down on him for not making it in the financial world and becoming a taxi driver. So when one of them who tried to chat me up asked, " so how is it to be the girlfriend of a taxi driver?" I answered boldly and loudly for all to hear, "I've always had this sexual fantasy about making it with a taxi driver in a taxi, and Ricky is my dream come true." There was a moment of stunned silence, then a few started laughing, and one congratulated Ricky on his good luck. Ricky raised his glass to me with a heartfelt smile. " now we know why you switched to taxi driving!" Someone joked, " you weren't satisfied with the women you can get as a banker!" I didn't like the crowd he hung out with. Partly because of my youth, I was classified as a bimbo, and they talked down to me asking questions like, " what time is your curfew?" Or "do you have to call your parents for permission to stay out late." Or " do your parents mind you hanging out with much older men." Some of them were quite cool to Ricky too, maybe because they felt he didn't belong to their class now that he was just a taxi driver. However, when Ricky went to the toilet, one of GIC men came up and said, "I liked what you said just now, you know, Ricky was very nice to me when I joined GIC as a rookie. He taught me everything he knew and told me who to avoid and how to watch out for myself. It's quite a vicious world there with everyone competing for the promotion that would be big bucks. He's didn't belong there really. And some people here aren't grateful at all. But I liked the way you spoke up for him." He toasted, " I'm glad for him he found someone like you, he was quite down with his career setbacks and his divorce." Ricky came back, " don't believe everything Ming tells you about me, except the nice parts." Ming retorted," I was just warning her what a ladies man you are, since she's so young and innocent. Good luck then". " is that true, you being a Casanova?" " no," he said," I was just doing what an ordinary young man with ordinary amounts of testosterone would do if there were plenty of attractive young and willing secretaries and clerks around. It didn't help that I had a sports car and my own studio apartment in town." I thought a while, then said, " well, if I didn't have a boyfriend, and I had several admirers, and they are all charming in their different ways, maybe I'll date them all too instead of going steady." " But would you sleep with all of them? Ming asked. "Well,....even if I would, as a lady, would I tell you?" This is what I mean by sex in Singapore and many places in the world being inhibited by values,convention and norms. As women, If we are frank about our sexual thoughts, we might be classified as being a member of a class of women of low morals and class that is called a slut. Someone who would be easy as a sex companion but not to be considered for a steady relationship or marriage. It's quite unfair because a similarly amorous man would not suffer the same damage to his reputation or even desirability as a spouse. The man would be admired or envied by his friends but the women may ostracize the slut, or fear that she may steal their men. It's quite common that Chinese men in Singapore who screw around can't accept the sexual history of their girlfriends. So don't blame the girls for not being more frank and for appearing inhibited. After my third glass of Chivas Regal, I was ready to dance, so I was quite happy to disco with Ricky. After five glasses, I send John an SMS saying that I've drunk quite a lot and was not in full control of myself. That I was high and dancing with Ricky. That he should come and get me before anything happens. He stubbornly replied, " Ask him to send you back, I'm busy" " busy with what, I texted, with Elaine?" I stopped drinking as I was losing control and said I wanted to go home and Ricky duly obliged. In the car I texted again" do you want him to send me to my flat or to my doorstep?" I SMSed. Your wish, he replied. " but if he sends me to my doorstep, is it ok to invite him in for a drink?" " No" was the single word terse reply. John was refusing to be baited. I called him. It was noisy with music in the background but a girls voice replied, " John has gone to the toilet, please call back later." who is this? " I asked." It's Elaine." I hung up. I put my head down in my hands. " what's up?" Ricky asked. " he's with her," I sobbed. I dried my tears. " it's ok, can we stop the park near my house? I'd like to talk." I directed him to the park in Sembawang where I had sex for the first time in my life with John. I directed him to a dark unlit carpark well known to courting couples. When he stopped, I said, "I'm pissed with John, so I available for other men now, it's just that I'm not in the mood, but if you try hard to seduce me, you just might get lucky." "I wanted to but you stood up for me in front of my friends tonight so you're my buddy now, not prey" that's why I haven't made any moves all night. " Well, if you are my buddy, can you treat me like one of those materialistic secretarial bitches who don't deserve any consideration from you, and try to get me into bed." I said angrily. "Let's go for a walk to calm down," he said. I agreed. I touched up my lipstick and sprayed more perfume. We took a leisurely stroll around the park and I stood close to Ricky, and didn't resist when he slid his arm around my bare waist. " you smell nice close," he said. We continued sauntering and he tried to slide his hand down to my buttocks, but I would pull it up again. I SMS the situation to John." He's trying to get at my butt, I want you to touch me there but you aren't around. I'm at Sembawang park. I'm being tempted." No reply. So I let Ricky massage my buttock. Now he started to slide his hand up my waist but I pushed his hand away. I SMS to John,"he's sliding his hand up to my breasts. I want them to be caressed but only by you." No reply. So I let Ricky lightly stroke my breast with his fingers. We sat at the same garden bench where everything had started three years ago. His right hand remained around my waist but he placed his hand on my thigh. I pushed it away, he replaced it. This happened several times. I SMSed to John, " he's trying to put his hand on my thigh, I need a hand on my thigh but I prefer your hand." Again no reply. So I let him stroke my thigh up and down, higher and higher, but held his hand down when he tried to get at my vulva. I SMSed John, " he's stroking my thigh now, and it's feels very good, should I let him go higher?" No reply. So I released Ricky's hand and let it stroke my slit which was wet by now. I uncrossed and opened my legs slightly to give him access and soon his fingers were stroking my clitoris. He was too rough, I like it very gentle, so I grabbed his hand and took his finger and showed him how I liked it. After that, it felt great. " just a minute," I paused to tell John, "I'm very wet with his fingering, and I desire him inside me now, I'm sorry I can't resist him anymore since there's nobody else." I let Ricky continue plowing my furrow till I was so horny it was most natural to kiss him. Our lips met violently and rubbed together back and forth wet with saliva. I let his tongue enter my mouth fully to explore and then started to press my tongue against his tongue. Our tongues started to duel and talk to each other. It was funny that I should be both lusty and yet sad with tears flowing down my face as I thought of John fucking Elaine at the same time. We kissed and kissed and he continued to lightly stroke my clitoris until I was completely desirous of having full sex with him. He was a good kisser and he had a nice smell, he has a bit of rough mustache and beard stubble which was hard against my face but I like the feel of it. I started to writhe and press myself against his hand but stopped because I didn't want to cum so soon. I usually don't have multiple orgasms and I often begin to lose interest once I cum, just like a man. "Let's get back in the car," I suggested breathlessly, so we walked back to the car and got into the back seat. He turned on the engine and the air con for comfort and locked the doors. He untied my halter neck and removed my bra and started sucking and nibbling one nipple while pinching and kneading the other nipple. My nipples are a very sensitive erogenous zone and soon I was writhing and had my hands around him and on the back of his head." I love your shoulders, and your breasts are nicely shaped with beautiful pink nipples." He admired. He took off his shirt to reveal a six pack abdomen and a hairy chest, both of which are turn-ones for me. He was trim and muscular. Now we kissed as he rubbed my sensitive nipples and flattened my breasts against the hair on his warm chest."how do you want it." He whispered into my ear. " rough" I said, " I want myself, johns steady girlfriend, to be fucked like a cheap slut, with no respect or mercy, to punish him." He started biting and sucking my breasts and neck leaving bruises and love bites everywhere. He took off my miniskirt and bit and sucked on my buttocks and thighs too before giving me cunninglingus. He was more enthusiastic and skilled in this than John and soon I was on the verge of cumming again. I stopped him to rest a while. He undid his buckle and stripped himself. He was quite a man beneath the tight waist. He had muscular thighs with buttocks that stood out as he worked out in the gym and jogged a lot. He was circumcised, with a cock that was probably the same length as John, ? The average six inches, but his cock was thicker, darker, with more angry looking veins and ridges. He was much hairier than John. I crouched over to suck his cock whilst caressing balls with my hand and stroking the base of his cock. I'm small and so is my mouth, so it's quite a tight fit within my lips as he is a bit thicker. He could reach behind my upturned buttocks to stroke my clitoris from the back. Now I'm always turned on by sucking johns cock, and having my clitoris stimulated at the same time always gets me very wet. I almost came a few times and had to stop his hand. He remained seated but reclined the seat all the way backwards while I climbed over him and slowly sat down his cock. I splayed my legs sideways to get some contact between my clitoris and his pubic hair. I placed my hands back wards and supported myself oh his thighs to push my clitoris forward. At this angle I could rub myself against him and up and down. Sometimes I used my hands to cradle and caress his testicles. I can actually feel whether he is going to cum by the spontaneous movement of his balls up and down and can slow down or speed up accordingly. My breasts were presented forwards towards him and he alternated between squeezing them or helping me to bounce up and down off his cock by cupping my buttocks. We both almost came a few times and had to rest but finally I had a tremendous orgasm that lasted more than a minute. When I cum, I would frown as though in pain, but my head will arch back slightly and move side to side and my lips will open and usually I will lick my lips to intensify the entire experience of the orgasm or caress my own body and nipples. I let him cum inside me. I allow that whenever the sex has been great and I cannot control myself from wanting the sperm inside me. After that I leaned against his chest, both of us panting with exertion and excitement, and rested my cheek against his pounding heart, and cuddled against him..with his cock still inside me. " that was wonderful," I murmured, "you were great," and fell asleep on his chest.

Why we broke up

After three years, he had an affair. After three years of family life when I had become part of the family, when I had become friends with his brothers and sisters and some of his uncles and aunts. In fact there were at least two affairs. John is tall and handsome so there were always women tempting him. How did it happen?

Another reason he had an affair was because we stopped being in the same school and saw much less of each other. That gave him more chances to socialize with other women. After our secondary four/ grade ten exams, the GCE O levels, he went on to polytechnic to do interior design as he could draw well. I didn't do well enough to follow him into polytechnic and the technical subjects at ITE didn't excite me. I didn't like studying so I decided to start working to get a bit more pocket money. My mum was a clinic assistant and didn't think the ITE certificate was much use so she didn't mind me helping out with the family finance. She had raised us for so long by herself without father and she was tired.

Only my English teacher made a fuss. "Although you failed all your other subjects, you've got a distinction in English," she said, "that means you are capable of much more. You obviously didn't study at all. Repeat your O levels and get into Poly at least if not Uni. You are the most underachieving student I've had in my life. You will regret this one day." John wasn't that much more academic, it's just that his mother nagged him continuously to study whilst I spent my time watching movies and listening to music. Still, it was another demerit point in my future mother in laws eyes.

Maybe the main reason we both had affairs was because the passion of first love had gone out of our relationship and we both craved the strong feelings and desire of early love. That happens to all couples right? We can't expect to be as crazy for each other as the first time we got together. After a while the familiarity sets in and we don't look at each other the way we used to. And we take each other for granted. It's like not realizing that your own brother or cousin is good looking until other people start looking at them. And then you look and think, " yes my brother or sister or cousin is good looking but how come I haven't realized it before."

At the end of the second year of Poly, there was a school trip up the west coast of Malaysia, and there was this girl called Elaine in his class who had been keen on him since year 1. I knew because at a beach BBQ then, I saw her looking at him and going to talk to him, even though I was there as his girl friend. He didn't come back straight after the trip and when I called him, he told me he went to stay with his friend in Kuala Lumpur, but his mother said she didn't know about the friend. I called the Poly and found through the teacher who was on the trip that John and Elaine had requested to extend their stay. I called him again and again but I couldn't get through. It was a very dark time for me and I had to wait three long days for him to come home.

When he came back, he denied everything but I'm not the sort who goes into denial and pretends that nothing had happened. I confronted him and dragged everything out of him. He had been having an affair for almost half a year!  I don't think I'll ever feel as much hurt and jealousy ever again in my life. He said that the girl practically threw  herself at him and he couldn't resist the temptation. That our life had become very boring so it was just out of curiosity and desire for excitement that made him do it. That she was always happy but I was always naggy and unhappy.

I asked him to choose between us and he chose to stay. But after that I was distrustful  and suspicious and we had many fights. This drove him to another affair with another girl and I broke up with him when I discovered that. I told him that I also had admirers and could also have had affairs but didn't because I thought our love was exclusively for each other. I also wanted to experience the world of other men too but had kept myself for him. But no longer.

Was I wrong? Should I have turned a blind eye to his affairs as long as he came home to me? After all, he was better than my father who didn't want to come back to his wife and his kids. Is it natural for a healthy man to have strong  desires and to stray ? I'm different now. If I were to live my life again,mi won't get angry or as jealous.  After all we were young and curious. I would have made an agreement that we would both try other lovers and see if our relationship was still worth it. But I think John would not have agreed. He can screw around but he probably can't bear the idea of me having another mans cock pumping in and out of my vagina. In the past, the woman had no choice, but to accept the mans infidelities. she was not financially independent. But now that women are equally able to fend for themselves, it's still more the men who cannot accept their wives  straying whereas the women are better able to forgive their partners better and take them back. Maybe it's the oriental culture and the western men are better. I know of a man who was unfaithful but when his girlfriend had a revenge affair, he couldn't accept it and he was the one who asked to break up.
After O levels I worked for a few years before going to Poly. I worked as a sales assistant so my hours were long and often included weekends. Leave was hard to take. Maybe if I had gone to Poly at the same time, things would have worked our better. We had so many quarrels over such petty things. Having to consult his mother over every decision. Having to eat dinner at his home with his family on our precious Saturday evenings. His not treating my family well. He didn't look at me like he used to. He didn't desire me as much and as often as he used to. I thought he might be having other women on the sly. I was still young and pretty and I had admirers too but why was I saving myself for him if he didn't want me that much anymore? Two weeks before he enlisted for the army to serve national service, I broke up with him. We tried to get together years later and made another attempt to rekindle the old magic but that too didn't work out...