Don't tell your partner about your revenge sex

http://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/wild-secrets/is-revenge-sex-worth-it

The desire of the man is for the woman, the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201206/dominant-or-submissive-the-paradox-power-in-sexual-relationships

Punished for my revenge fuck

"You low class whore! You filthy slut! You sex addict!!" John shouted as he confronted me over my revenge fuck. He saw the love bites on my neck and he pulled my blouse down roughly and saw the love bites all over my breasts, above my bra.  " how can you do this to me? You are mine alone!" It was satisfying to see him so angry. That's what I wanted, to hurt him back, and yet it was a hollow victory. I felt that I was now classified as soiled goods and no longer could stand on the pedestal that's reserved for his woman . "Yes, I'm bad, I screwed around, " he screamed,"but I always come back to you!" I defended,"then why can't I have some fun just like you? Like you, I also enjoy sex with new partners. I can also always come back to you after I've let some man fuck me! What's the difference?  The difference was that he is a man, and men fool around but I'm a woman, I have a reputation to protect for both of us. He can't be seen as a man who's woman is fucking other men as well. And I will be seen as an immoral slut but he won't be. He's just a victim of other sluts who have seduced him and now I'm no different from the other sluts. This was ridiculous. "As long as you fuck around, I will also let other men do what they want with me!" I defied him," I'll only stop if you stop . if you don't stop, I'll break up with you." He threatened. " I retorted, "it's the same for me, if you don't stop, it's you who is breaking my heart and you who is breaking up with me." He slapped me, and I slapped him back.

He didn't want to breakup in the end and we both agreed no more sex with anyone but he still couldn't accept the idea that I had sex with another man other than him..he got some vodka from the kitchen and started to drink.  After a few drinks, he asked,"did you enjoy having sex with that taxi driver?"  "You don't want to know." I said. "That means that you did, who is the better lover?" He asked. " I'm not answering that." I said. " did you cum?" He asked. I didn't answer. He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes, " did you let him cum inside you?" I blinked. "You fucking horny bitch!," he shouted. John knew my sex habits. I don't let him cum inside me as that's our only method of birth control. But when I've had a good orgasm, I'll not only let him but I'll want him to cum inside me. I was caught out by a blink. He had agreed to stop seeing Elaine and promised not to see anyone else. So I had  achieved my goal. But hopefully I hadn't broken anything beyond repair.

He slapped me again. This time I didn't slap back. I walked away but he grabbed  both my wrists and faced me  it I looked down to avoid his gaze, " did you suck his cock?"  I just bowed my head. " you filthy cunt!" He bellowed with jealousy, "did you ride him and cup his balls with your hands?!" I was mute but I blocked his slaps with my forearms. I felt his anger and his pain. I wanted him to feel pain but now that we had made up, I was on his side too. I was confused but by wanting to be on his side, I now wanted to punish myself too.

He grabbed some raffia string from the kitchen and forced me down on the floor while he tied my hands behind my back, all the while cursing me. He then grabbed the cane my mum bought for her niece and came to flog me. I ran into my bedroom and closed the door with my body then I turned my back to the door and tried to lock it with my hands tied behind my back but I was a bit too slow.

A rain of cane blows left red streaks all over my body. "You fucking bitch," he cried. John is weird in that every time after we fight he wants to have sex when he is still angry. He forced me on the floor in and started to strip me. I tried to resist because I didn't want him to see the love bites all over my breasts, my body, and my thighs. He ripped my blouse to shreds and buttons flew everywhere. He finally pulled of my panties and saw the words Ricky had written on my buttocks, with my encouragement : Ricky's Slut. "You belong in a Geylang brothel you prostitute!" He roared, and forced me up on my knees. He pulled off his trousers and underwear, grabbed my hair, and forced my lips onto his cock. " suck, you bitch!" And he started pump fucking my mouth. "Open up your filthy slut lips!" He commanded. He was very rough with me. I opened my jaw as wide as I could , covering my teeth with my lips, and he forced his cock deeper into my throat than it had ever gone. The head of his penis fitted right into my throat and made me gag and retch. I also couldn't breathe well. I had to gasp for breath in between. I cooperated with him because I am on his side and wanted to help him punish me. John only let up when I became giddy and almost fainted from lack of oxygen. Then he stood there and I tried to give him as good a blow job as I knew how, while every now and then, he would lash me with the cane. After that he made me kneel on my bed with my face into the pillow whilst he grabbed by buttocks and pumped me from behind. All the while he pinched my buttocks and slapped them till they were burning. He noticed I was very wet by then so he called,"you sex pervert! You enjoy being beaten up, " and continued to pump at me till he came inside me with hot splashes of semen.

He lay down on my bed after he came. He made me get suck his cock dry of sperm whilst his semen dribbled out of my vagina and down my thighs. Then he fell asleep leaving me still tied up. I walked to the kitchen and freed myself with a knife. I hadn't cum yet but I had discovered that very rough sex and being beaten turned me on sexually. I lay on the sofa and thought of John caning and fucking me in many positions while I fingered my clit till I climaxed and got my release.

This wasn't a happy ending though. John couldn't forget or forgive my sexual infidelity even though I could forgive his. It kept coming up in our quarrels though I tried to make up for what I did. It wasn't enough, and when he had another affair, and I wanted to break up again, he accepted it calmly.

Links: sex after marriage

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201406/love-lust

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201406/childolatry

Revenge sex with a taxi driver

My jealousy and anger at Johns unfaithfulness grew and grew and twisted a knot in my heart that ended up with me having revenge sex to punish him. This was one of the final events that led to us breaking up. If he expected me to forgive him for his flings and his long affair, surely he can forgive me for a one night stand? At least he will feel what I felt and can understand me better. I can't deny that I was young and adventurous and I also wanted to experience other men but I would not have done so if I wasn't so frustrated with John. I had done very well as a sales assistant so that despite being only 19 , my boss had made me his secretary for his few shops selling women's clothes. Once he was too busy and sent me as his proxy to meet a supplier of dresses in Bangkok to check and select for a shipment to Singapore. I called a cab to the airport. It was something I looked forward to as I was traveling for work for the first time, and all expenses paid. I dressed in a long sleeved white cardigan which draped loosely and showed off one shoulder. I wore a light blue denim miniskirt but only sneakers for shoes as I was traveling. The cab driver Ricky showed a keen interest in me. He was around forty and he had been retrenched from his job in a fund management company over a year ago. This was his third retrenchment. He had been working at the company for three years but before that, he was in GIC for more than ten years, several of which were in Manhattan, New York. He hadn't been able to get a good job in the banking sector and he was so traumatized by his stressful and political work environment and his three retrenchments that he just wanted to switch off and do a mind numbing job. He didn't want to be a teacher as he was not into kids and not patient. His hair showed streaks of silver from the old stressful days. He spoke very good English and he was quite witty, well read and well travelled. He had a good build, a few cm shorter than John, 1.72m? but he was thicker and more muscular. He liked jogging and his body was trim. He wore spectacles but he was bubbly and warm and he smiled with many crows feet spreading from the corner of his eyes. His full set of teeth were fairly white. He was clean cut, had a square masculine jaw, and the face was mildly good looking without hiding the age. John is more handsome and youthful but this guy was an experienced man of the world and he was very interested in me. 'Which terminal are you going to? xiao mei ? (Little sister) referring to my youth and my small size.. Perhaps in a slightly condescending manner but that tone disappeared when he found that I spoke maturely and clearly in good English. "Why's a pretty girl like you traveling all alone? Where is your boyfriend?" he teased. "My boyfriend is too busy fooling around with his schoolmate to want to come along " I sighed bitterly, "and I'm working anyway and his mother won't give him permission to skip a few days of school." "Haha, he said, your boyfriend doesn't treasure you enough. I know many men who would be glad to accompany you to Bangkok, myself included. Just give me a call whenever he's unavailable or you are upset with him." He joked. "And why is a man like you driving a taxi?" I asked, and then he told me his story....."the banking world is a rat race, and full of evil people" he concluded. And after that he was quiet in thought . When he dropped me off at the terminal, he said , "it's nice talking to a pretty girl like you, and I'll be very happy if you gave me the honor of fetching you when you return, Sms your flight details, " and then he gave me his card. My Bangkok trip was ok but whilst there, John must have dated Elaine again. Every night I called his home but he wasn't there even at midnight on a weekday. I called his mobile but he was evasive and not willing to have a chat. He kept denying but still every night he was out. I told him we might as well break up if he preferred Elaine and I won't hold him back but he just denied everything. My fury at his unfaithfulness might have subconsciously affected my decision to call Ricky to book his cab. I usually only book cabs going abroad but not on returning home. 'How was your trip?" Asked Ricky, " you don't look very happy." "It was great! " I said, " I like the dresses and the fashions in Thailand, they have got style and good taste." "And our agent is a Singaporean man who knew all the best restaurants and night spots. He was gay but he was fun. He even took me to a boy bar where the women would go to watch men strip and do pole dancing." " oh I've heard about those places, " he said, " rich women go there to find a duck or paid lover, but with your looks, you don't have to go there." " you could go to Sparks or Zouk to find a man, mature capable men... So did your boyfriend go off with his schoolmate like you said? Because your face is really black as with anger." " I'm sure he did,"I said bitterly,"I don't know why I put up with it again and again." "Don't get angry," he said, "get even. If he can have fun, why can't you . It s fair. While you are young and pretty, there are men everywhere and you might even find a better man. Enjoy your good looks while you are young. When you are older, you wont have this power anymore and you will wonder what other men could be like" he was very persuasive." Come to Zouk tonite, and let me introduce you to other men, and make John jealous at the same time. Sometimes it's makes them look at you again if he notices that other men desire you." I was sold, and agreed to meet him that night. John didn't call me even though he knew I was back that day. He was avoiding my anger. If he had called , I would have met him to give him another one of my ultimatums. But since he didn't call, I dated Ricky. I wanted to show John up and punish him. I would give myself away and make him suffer. I put on my shortest miniskirt, and a halter neck that showed off my flawless shoulders and back. It was all in black. My top was like a Chinese dudo with a low back. I sprayed lots of a musky perfume called Beautiful and wore black four inch heels. I put on a glossy bright red lipstick and a G string underwear that one of my girlfriends had given me as a birthday present to wear for John but I had never worn it for him because we were still bickering. It went with the miniskirt which I had bought in Thailand because the material was thin and normal underwear would show through. My breasts were only B cup size so I wore a push-up wonderbra. I looked in the mirror and was proud of what I saw. I have long straight hair which came to just below my shoulders. I turned left and right and looked over my bare shoulders and felt I looked great. I was even a bit wet in the cunt. Oh and I stuck on some fake eyelashes too. I thought I looked better than Elaine. I described myself in a SMS and I sent it to John with the words, " I'm going to be somebody's hot date tonight!" It was satisfying to imagine the knife in his heart that he had been twisting in mine. I had almost left the house but went back to put on a little black choker with a buckle. Since it looked like a dog collar I thought it represented obedience and submission to others. I wanted to be as exciting as possible. My heart was as black with naughty intentions as my all black outfit, with a black sling bag with tiny silver studs. Ricky called to say he was downstairs. I looked at myself in the mirror for one final touch up and I froze. What was I doing ? I hardly knew this guy and he would think me a slut or whore. I was so cheap on a first date. I wiped off my bright red lipstick to a glossy pink one. My skirt was too short. My belly button was peeking between the bottom of my halter neck and the top of my skirt. I have a longer skirt just above the knee. I was about to change into that when suddenly I had a recurrent imagined vision of John and Elaine making out on a bed, completely nude. It was so painful that I steeled my heart to betray him and give his girlfriends body away to whoever wanted it. To punish him by inflicting the same pain on him. I pulled my short miniskirt back on and walked out of my house with resolve. I exaggerated the sway of my hips a little like a model on a catwalk and went downstairs to meet Ricky. Ricky was leaning against his taxi with his hands in his black Hugo Boss jeans. By coincidence, he was also all in black so we looked like a steady couple. He had a black Hugo Boss long sleeved shirt on with a button opened at the top and the sleeves rolled up a bit, and black leather shoes. He looked ok. "Wow!" He exclaimed, and looked me up and down for a few seconds before settling on my eyes, " you are beautiful, and my heart just stopped beating for a dew seconds!" I laughed uncomfortable as I was feeling very embarrassed and like a whore presenting herself sale for the first time and yet undeniably and shamefully pleased at his complete and warm admiration. " I love your shapely shoulders and your flawless back" he continued to stare at my body and " those legs of yours are exciting!" I dropped my eyes to look at his crotch involuntarily when he said he was excited and was ? Subconsciously pleased to note his very obvious erection. I couldn't return his compliments but just blushed quietly like the young 19 year old I was then. I just smiled gently. It's very uncomfortable to have someone staring at your body for several seconds and appraising it for sexual attractiveness and I was a bit insecure and aware of all my imperfections, yet his reassuring compliments were arousing. I suddenly felt very desirable and desirous at the same time. "So you obviously haven't made up with John nor have you forgiven him."he commented. I nodded my head. Standing there while he scrutinized my body greedily with his eyes. He settled on my eyes again,"And do you want to punish him tonight or do you just want to have fun?" He stared right at me as he said that directly to my face. I couldn't avert my eyes but bowed my head a little, as I answered and half confessed shyly, I supposed it's both." " that's nothing to be ashamed of" he said, and then he opened the car door for me, and offered me his hand to hold as I got in. He closed the door gently after making sure I was well seated, and walked over to other sides and we drove off. I was very glad to get into the car. The minute on the road being inspected in full public view was like being on stage for the first time. Previously with John, we just got comfortable talking to each other first, but tonight because of the way I was dressed and because of my intentions to hurt John, I was meeting a man with the intention to be sexually unfaithful to some extent and I was filled with tension, guilt, fear, anxiety and sexual excitement. I was dressed in such a provocative way, I couldn't hide and deny my sexuality, and even though I'm already a very liberal Singapore girl, I still had lots of social norms at the back of my mind telling me I was being bad. I knew subconsciously that I would probably end up not doing anything and get laughed at by John for being such a silly fool and I had dressed like this to burn my bridges and to force myself to the act and make it difficult for myself to runaway. It was like making a sexual promise that I would be obliged to keep if I were an honorable woman. When I sat down, my skirt rode up my thighs even more, exposing a vast amount of fair smooth hairless skin, and he looked at them for what seem a log time before he looked at me again and said, "I love your soft smooth thighs" and then he drove off. How could I take offense? I had asked for it my dressing like that and I had told him I wanted a revenge date so in those circumstances, he couldn't be said to have been rude. We went for dinner at Clark Quay at The Thanh Ying, a Thai restaurant since I like spicy food. At the entrance, I sent john an SMS. I told him where I was having dinner. The food and ambience was good and Ricky had lots of interesting stories about the banking world to tell. He told me about how the economy of the world works and where the money was made and how fortunes could be made or lost and the terrible things about men fighting in the companies for the performance and promotion that will enrich them. About the flattery and about women and even men sleeping with people to climb the corporate ladder. Ricky was my window into the real pulsating world out there, a world I had just begun to glimpse from the more sheltered retail world of the boutique in the Hilton Hotel and the local designer shops in Bangkok. I wanted to be a part of that world and suddenly, John didn't seem so great, he was just a young man, barely out of boyhood, childish amongst the world of men who made things happen in the world. It's not fair but to a young girl like me, the older more accomplished men are so much more impressive. His pay was very high then, before he lost his job at GIC, and he spent it all on expensive cars, holidays and women. By the time I met him, he was burnt out and traumatized by repeated retrenchment and the ugly politics and was taking a break driving taxis because there was only physical stress and no mental stress which is harder to take. He sold his BMW 5 and the savings on transport was enough to keep his Aspen heights apartment which was partly paid up and the monthly repayment was ok. He still had money left over to do some trading in stocks and some shares with dividends so if he spent reasonably, he had a comfortable life without having to work too long hours. He said it was sustainable living. After dinner, we walked along Clark Quay when John tried to call me. I rejected his calls so he SMS saying, "Stop this nonsense and go home now!" I send him another SMS telling him that Ricky kept putting his arm round my waist but I kept pushing it away but finally decided to let him. I SMS. " you can spend the night with her whilst I spend the evening with him!" Ricky commented, "that's why I remained single after so many years and so many women, I always break up after the honeymoon stage when I get into the quarreling stage. Maybe I'm too idealistic and I expect a perfect relationship which doesn't exist in real life. The only person I decided to commit my life to decided that I wasn't perfect enough when I kept losing my job. Now I'm single again but with a little boy to look after." My phone rang again. John was calling but I switched to silent. Ricky asked,"does your boyfriend beat people up when he gets jealous?" I laughed," don't worry, he doesn't do anything without his Moms permission."Ricky replied," What about you, do you need to consult your mum about ANYTHING?"he asked suggestively. "I've grown up alone with my mum working all the time. She doesn't bother when I stay out late. Not even when I sleep over at Johns house. I definitely don't need to consult her over what I might decide to do tonight!" I winked seductively as I said that. We went to Zouk for drinks because his gang was there. They were mostly from the financial corporate world with a few of his ex colleagues from GIC ( government of Singapore investment corporation ). Most were alone but a couple were with their female partners. They called Ricky a cradle snatcher but perhaps in an envious way. In this materialistic world, he must have felt a bit inferior but he didn't let it show. I was introduced as his girlfriend and a boutique manager and he strongly recommended them to buy clothes from my Hilton branch. I was the baby of the group and nowhere near a graduate and didn't like the sneers of some of them who felt I was a little kid. Some of them weren't too friendly with Ricky either. They must be looking down on him for not making it in the financial world and becoming a taxi driver. So when one of them who tried to chat me up asked, " so how is it to be the girlfriend of a taxi driver?" I answered boldly and loudly for all to hear, "I've always had this sexual fantasy about making it with a taxi driver in a taxi, and Ricky is my dream come true." There was a moment of stunned silence, then a few started laughing, and one congratulated Ricky on his good luck. Ricky raised his glass to me with a heartfelt smile. " now we know why you switched to taxi driving!" Someone joked, " you weren't satisfied with the women you can get as a banker!" I didn't like the crowd he hung out with. Partly because of my youth, I was classified as a bimbo, and they talked down to me asking questions like, " what time is your curfew?" Or "do you have to call your parents for permission to stay out late." Or " do your parents mind you hanging out with much older men." Some of them were quite cool to Ricky too, maybe because they felt he didn't belong to their class now that he was just a taxi driver. However, when Ricky went to the toilet, one of GIC men came up and said, "I liked what you said just now, you know, Ricky was very nice to me when I joined GIC as a rookie. He taught me everything he knew and told me who to avoid and how to watch out for myself. It's quite a vicious world there with everyone competing for the promotion that would be big bucks. He's didn't belong there really. And some people here aren't grateful at all. But I liked the way you spoke up for him." He toasted, " I'm glad for him he found someone like you, he was quite down with his career setbacks and his divorce." Ricky came back, " don't believe everything Ming tells you about me, except the nice parts." Ming retorted," I was just warning her what a ladies man you are, since she's so young and innocent. Good luck then". " is that true, you being a Casanova?" " no," he said," I was just doing what an ordinary young man with ordinary amounts of testosterone would do if there were plenty of attractive young and willing secretaries and clerks around. It didn't help that I had a sports car and my own studio apartment in town." I thought a while, then said, " well, if I didn't have a boyfriend, and I had several admirers, and they are all charming in their different ways, maybe I'll date them all too instead of going steady." " But would you sleep with all of them? Ming asked. "Well,....even if I would, as a lady, would I tell you?" This is what I mean by sex in Singapore and many places in the world being inhibited by values,convention and norms. As women, If we are frank about our sexual thoughts, we might be classified as being a member of a class of women of low morals and class that is called a slut. Someone who would be easy as a sex companion but not to be considered for a steady relationship or marriage. It's quite unfair because a similarly amorous man would not suffer the same damage to his reputation or even desirability as a spouse. The man would be admired or envied by his friends but the women may ostracize the slut, or fear that she may steal their men. It's quite common that Chinese men in Singapore who screw around can't accept the sexual history of their girlfriends. So don't blame the girls for not being more frank and for appearing inhibited. After my third glass of Chivas Regal, I was ready to dance, so I was quite happy to disco with Ricky. After five glasses, I send John an SMS saying that I've drunk quite a lot and was not in full control of myself. That I was high and dancing with Ricky. That he should come and get me before anything happens. He stubbornly replied, " Ask him to send you back, I'm busy" " busy with what, I texted, with Elaine?" I stopped drinking as I was losing control and said I wanted to go home and Ricky duly obliged. In the car I texted again" do you want him to send me to my flat or to my doorstep?" I SMSed. Your wish, he replied. " but if he sends me to my doorstep, is it ok to invite him in for a drink?" " No" was the single word terse reply. John was refusing to be baited. I called him. It was noisy with music in the background but a girls voice replied, " John has gone to the toilet, please call back later." who is this? " I asked." It's Elaine." I hung up. I put my head down in my hands. " what's up?" Ricky asked. " he's with her," I sobbed. I dried my tears. " it's ok, can we stop the park near my house? I'd like to talk." I directed him to the park in Sembawang where I had sex for the first time in my life with John. I directed him to a dark unlit carpark well known to courting couples. When he stopped, I said, "I'm pissed with John, so I available for other men now, it's just that I'm not in the mood, but if you try hard to seduce me, you just might get lucky." "I wanted to but you stood up for me in front of my friends tonight so you're my buddy now, not prey" that's why I haven't made any moves all night. " Well, if you are my buddy, can you treat me like one of those materialistic secretarial bitches who don't deserve any consideration from you, and try to get me into bed." I said angrily. "Let's go for a walk to calm down," he said. I agreed. I touched up my lipstick and sprayed more perfume. We took a leisurely stroll around the park and I stood close to Ricky, and didn't resist when he slid his arm around my bare waist. " you smell nice close," he said. We continued sauntering and he tried to slide his hand down to my buttocks, but I would pull it up again. I SMS the situation to John." He's trying to get at my butt, I want you to touch me there but you aren't around. I'm at Sembawang park. I'm being tempted." No reply. So I let Ricky massage my buttock. Now he started to slide his hand up my waist but I pushed his hand away. I SMS to John,"he's sliding his hand up to my breasts. I want them to be caressed but only by you." No reply. So I let Ricky lightly stroke my breast with his fingers. We sat at the same garden bench where everything had started three years ago. His right hand remained around my waist but he placed his hand on my thigh. I pushed it away, he replaced it. This happened several times. I SMSed to John, " he's trying to put his hand on my thigh, I need a hand on my thigh but I prefer your hand." Again no reply. So I let him stroke my thigh up and down, higher and higher, but held his hand down when he tried to get at my vulva. I SMSed John, " he's stroking my thigh now, and it's feels very good, should I let him go higher?" No reply. So I released Ricky's hand and let it stroke my slit which was wet by now. I uncrossed and opened my legs slightly to give him access and soon his fingers were stroking my clitoris. He was too rough, I like it very gentle, so I grabbed his hand and took his finger and showed him how I liked it. After that, it felt great. " just a minute," I paused to tell John, "I'm very wet with his fingering, and I desire him inside me now, I'm sorry I can't resist him anymore since there's nobody else." I let Ricky continue plowing my furrow till I was so horny it was most natural to kiss him. Our lips met violently and rubbed together back and forth wet with saliva. I let his tongue enter my mouth fully to explore and then started to press my tongue against his tongue. Our tongues started to duel and talk to each other. It was funny that I should be both lusty and yet sad with tears flowing down my face as I thought of John fucking Elaine at the same time. We kissed and kissed and he continued to lightly stroke my clitoris until I was completely desirous of having full sex with him. He was a good kisser and he had a nice smell, he has a bit of rough mustache and beard stubble which was hard against my face but I like the feel of it. I started to writhe and press myself against his hand but stopped because I didn't want to cum so soon. I usually don't have multiple orgasms and I often begin to lose interest once I cum, just like a man. "Let's get back in the car," I suggested breathlessly, so we walked back to the car and got into the back seat. He turned on the engine and the air con for comfort and locked the doors. He untied my halter neck and removed my bra and started sucking and nibbling one nipple while pinching and kneading the other nipple. My nipples are a very sensitive erogenous zone and soon I was writhing and had my hands around him and on the back of his head." I love your shoulders, and your breasts are nicely shaped with beautiful pink nipples." He admired. He took off his shirt to reveal a six pack abdomen and a hairy chest, both of which are turn-ones for me. He was trim and muscular. Now we kissed as he rubbed my sensitive nipples and flattened my breasts against the hair on his warm chest."how do you want it." He whispered into my ear. " rough" I said, " I want myself, johns steady girlfriend, to be fucked like a cheap slut, with no respect or mercy, to punish him." He started biting and sucking my breasts and neck leaving bruises and love bites everywhere. He took off my miniskirt and bit and sucked on my buttocks and thighs too before giving me cunninglingus. He was more enthusiastic and skilled in this than John and soon I was on the verge of cumming again. I stopped him to rest a while. He undid his buckle and stripped himself. He was quite a man beneath the tight waist. He had muscular thighs with buttocks that stood out as he worked out in the gym and jogged a lot. He was circumcised, with a cock that was probably the same length as John, ? The average six inches, but his cock was thicker, darker, with more angry looking veins and ridges. He was much hairier than John. I crouched over to suck his cock whilst caressing balls with my hand and stroking the base of his cock. I'm small and so is my mouth, so it's quite a tight fit within my lips as he is a bit thicker. He could reach behind my upturned buttocks to stroke my clitoris from the back. Now I'm always turned on by sucking johns cock, and having my clitoris stimulated at the same time always gets me very wet. I almost came a few times and had to stop his hand. He remained seated but reclined the seat all the way backwards while I climbed over him and slowly sat down his cock. I splayed my legs sideways to get some contact between my clitoris and his pubic hair. I placed my hands back wards and supported myself oh his thighs to push my clitoris forward. At this angle I could rub myself against him and up and down. Sometimes I used my hands to cradle and caress his testicles. I can actually feel whether he is going to cum by the spontaneous movement of his balls up and down and can slow down or speed up accordingly. My breasts were presented forwards towards him and he alternated between squeezing them or helping me to bounce up and down off his cock by cupping my buttocks. We both almost came a few times and had to rest but finally I had a tremendous orgasm that lasted more than a minute. When I cum, I would frown as though in pain, but my head will arch back slightly and move side to side and my lips will open and usually I will lick my lips to intensify the entire experience of the orgasm or caress my own body and nipples. I let him cum inside me. I allow that whenever the sex has been great and I cannot control myself from wanting the sperm inside me. After that I leaned against his chest, both of us panting with exertion and excitement, and rested my cheek against his pounding heart, and cuddled against him..with his cock still inside me. " that was wonderful," I murmured, "you were great," and fell asleep on his chest.

Why we broke up

After three years, he had an affair. After three years of family life when I had become part of the family, when I had become friends with his brothers and sisters and some of his uncles and aunts. In fact there were at least two affairs. John is tall and handsome so there were always women tempting him. How did it happen?

Another reason he had an affair was because we stopped being in the same school and saw much less of each other. That gave him more chances to socialize with other women. After our secondary four/ grade ten exams, the GCE O levels, he went on to polytechnic to do interior design as he could draw well. I didn't do well enough to follow him into polytechnic and the technical subjects at ITE didn't excite me. I didn't like studying so I decided to start working to get a bit more pocket money. My mum was a clinic assistant and didn't think the ITE certificate was much use so she didn't mind me helping out with the family finance. She had raised us for so long by herself without father and she was tired.

Only my English teacher made a fuss. "Although you failed all your other subjects, you've got a distinction in English," she said, "that means you are capable of much more. You obviously didn't study at all. Repeat your O levels and get into Poly at least if not Uni. You are the most underachieving student I've had in my life. You will regret this one day." John wasn't that much more academic, it's just that his mother nagged him continuously to study whilst I spent my time watching movies and listening to music. Still, it was another demerit point in my future mother in laws eyes.

Maybe the main reason we both had affairs was because the passion of first love had gone out of our relationship and we both craved the strong feelings and desire of early love. That happens to all couples right? We can't expect to be as crazy for each other as the first time we got together. After a while the familiarity sets in and we don't look at each other the way we used to. And we take each other for granted. It's like not realizing that your own brother or cousin is good looking until other people start looking at them. And then you look and think, " yes my brother or sister or cousin is good looking but how come I haven't realized it before."

At the end of the second year of Poly, there was a school trip up the west coast of Malaysia, and there was this girl called Elaine in his class who had been keen on him since year 1. I knew because at a beach BBQ then, I saw her looking at him and going to talk to him, even though I was there as his girl friend. He didn't come back straight after the trip and when I called him, he told me he went to stay with his friend in Kuala Lumpur, but his mother said she didn't know about the friend. I called the Poly and found through the teacher who was on the trip that John and Elaine had requested to extend their stay. I called him again and again but I couldn't get through. It was a very dark time for me and I had to wait three long days for him to come home.

When he came back, he denied everything but I'm not the sort who goes into denial and pretends that nothing had happened. I confronted him and dragged everything out of him. He had been having an affair for almost half a year!  I don't think I'll ever feel as much hurt and jealousy ever again in my life. He said that the girl practically threw  herself at him and he couldn't resist the temptation. That our life had become very boring so it was just out of curiosity and desire for excitement that made him do it. That she was always happy but I was always naggy and unhappy.

I asked him to choose between us and he chose to stay. But after that I was distrustful  and suspicious and we had many fights. This drove him to another affair with another girl and I broke up with him when I discovered that. I told him that I also had admirers and could also have had affairs but didn't because I thought our love was exclusively for each other. I also wanted to experience the world of other men too but had kept myself for him. But no longer.

Was I wrong? Should I have turned a blind eye to his affairs as long as he came home to me? After all, he was better than my father who didn't want to come back to his wife and his kids. Is it natural for a healthy man to have strong  desires and to stray ? I'm different now. If I were to live my life again,mi won't get angry or as jealous.  After all we were young and curious. I would have made an agreement that we would both try other lovers and see if our relationship was still worth it. But I think John would not have agreed. He can screw around but he probably can't bear the idea of me having another mans cock pumping in and out of my vagina. In the past, the woman had no choice, but to accept the mans infidelities. she was not financially independent. But now that women are equally able to fend for themselves, it's still more the men who cannot accept their wives  straying whereas the women are better able to forgive their partners better and take them back. Maybe it's the oriental culture and the western men are better. I know of a man who was unfaithful but when his girlfriend had a revenge affair, he couldn't accept it and he was the one who asked to break up.
After O levels I worked for a few years before going to Poly. I worked as a sales assistant so my hours were long and often included weekends. Leave was hard to take. Maybe if I had gone to Poly at the same time, things would have worked our better. We had so many quarrels over such petty things. Having to consult his mother over every decision. Having to eat dinner at his home with his family on our precious Saturday evenings. His not treating my family well. He didn't look at me like he used to. He didn't desire me as much and as often as he used to. I thought he might be having other women on the sly. I was still young and pretty and I had admirers too but why was I saving myself for him if he didn't want me that much anymore? Two weeks before he enlisted for the army to serve national service, I broke up with him. We tried to get together years later and made another attempt to rekindle the old magic but that too didn't work out...

The first year of sex and love in my life

In my previous posts, I described my first sex and my first orgasm as they are still clearly etched in my memory after all these years. Now I describe what is possibly the happiest year of my life. We were young and without the cares of making a living. Life was timeless. We held hands everywhere we went, even in school. We SMSed each other when we weren't together. We spent some time together almost everyday.  We slept overnight at each others house and slept out overnight. We were inseparable.  And we had lots of sex.

Our favorite place was my home after school as no one was home. We'd take lunch at the coffee shop downstairs and then we'd often spend the afternoon fucking or snoozing or watching a movie in my bedroom after sex. Sometimes we'd do dinner before he went home. Later we'd spend equal time at his home but his mother was always around, so sex was more uninhibited and unrestrained in my room. My favorite position is to sit astride his body facing him so we could see each other. He could knead my breasts and pinch my nipples while I ground my cunt against his pubis. If I leaned forward, I could grind my clitoris against his pubic hair enough to get an orgasm if I had been stimulated enough with foreplay. The orgasms were more frequent at first but after we got steady, they got fewer and fewer. At first it's was almost every other time, by after a few years, we didn't have sex more than once a week or fortnight, and some busy months maybe once a month only.  I only came once every several times after our long standing quarrels and grudges had built up over the years.

He liked to have me suck his cock. I like fellatio too. He didn't think I was very good so I tried to give him what he wanted. I watched how they did it in porn and did some research. I had a glass of hot water and a glass of ice cubes and gave him alternating hot and cold blow jobs. He liked to deep throat me, grabbing my hair and thrusting till the head of his glans penis fitted snugly into the back of my throat so that I had to fight gagging and coughing. I don't like that but I like to turn him on so that makes me try anything he wants. It's like whatever turns him on will turn me on indirectly. I like to excite him sexually. It gives me the feeling of power and control, that I can make a man cum easily and make him breathless. He liked me to look at him with my eyes as I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock with my lips lined with red gloss. He liked cumming in my mouth and all over my lips and face. I like that too. I'll usually spit out out the semen or let it drip and drool out of my mouth but if he insists, I'll swallow the fishy horrible tasting goo.

The smell and sight of his cock thrusting in and out of my lips is a tremendous turn on for me. Usually that makes me lusty to have his cock deep inside me. If he penetrates me after a long cock sucking session, my face would be flushed, my lips and cheeks covered with saliva, and my eyes glazed with desire. I would almost always cum if he enters me after that. He would turn me over and fuck me like a bitch  and cum deep inside me, or if he was a bit tired, he would lie flat and let me sit on him. The trouble is, he likes to come in my mouth. And all over my face and lips. Then he often rolls over to sleep and is snoring lightly with in a few minutes. I'm left high and dry. I would sometimes masturbate myself to climax, imagining John doing all sorts of things to me.

John didn't like cunnilingus. He said I smelt bad. Sometimes I have a white pasty discharge. He stopped eating me after few months. He wasn't good at fingering my clitoris. My clitoris is very sensitive but no matter how many times I tell him, he's a bit too rough. He was a bit cocky and self centered and I was a bit too submissive to insist on better service. Maybe I felt inadequate or inferior, but this made me try very hard to improve my sexual skills. I think my blowjob skills are quite good because of his constant demands for better service and my  continued efforts to improve. I can do it quite energetically without ever nipping the penis with my teeth. He doesn't think I'm the good. By what standard is he to judge? Who is he comparing me with?  His ideal fantasy blow job? I think it takes a toothless old granny to give him that.




Sex was most important to me as a source of warmth and closeness. It's paradoxical that while I enjoy sex very much, and the orgasm is such an intense addictive experience for me that I long for it, I didn't mind not having any orgasms as long as John and I were happy together. The cuddling before and after was part of the experience. Having a meal together before or after sex. Just spending time together and chatting.  It was like family. Hanging out at the  cafe after watching a movie. It was part of the whole experience of having a boy friend and I think it would have been quite satisfying even without sex. Well maybe with lots of hugging and cuddling but without sexual inter course  would have been fine for me but my parents never told me that. In fact, I feel that sex clouds the mind and many an unsuitable relationship carried on because of the sex long after the sex has died. Yes, despite my colorful sexual history, I think it's better to date for a while without any sex so as to get to know your partner as he or she can be and so that you don't confuse lust with love. It's almost impossible to differentiate the two sometimes.... I've had love without sex as wells sex without love and between the two if have to choose, I much prefer love without sex although the best is to have both.   Actually some of my girlfriends don't agree. They can get their friendship from the other girls and what's the use of a man if he can't get it up for you and satisfy you? A girl wants to feel desired. I agree but having been in both situations, and having had lots of experience, I'll tell my daughter that it's best to choose someone you can have happy times with, then a handsome rake who's good in bed but who is never there for you.

Anyway, sex with John became more and more routine and less of a novelty. The breathless excitement wasn't there anymore. For John, I was conquered territory and he could have sex on demand  anytime anyhow so he took me for granted. I didn't mind because we were getting closer. We held hands everywhere we went. We spent whole days  alone together. Ate, slept, watched movies together. Our favorite weekend pastime was to have a picnic and sex on a mat on the beach on Saturday night in Sentosa and then afterwards chat and watch the stars and wait for the sunrise before going home.

My family of my mother and brother and me had always seemed a bit small. My father had left with another man while I was still a child and  relationships on both my father and my mothers side were almost nonexistent. So it was nice to have an extended family of John's immediate family and even some of his aunts and uncles. It was nice to have the warmth of a big family gathering again. However, I didn't get along very well with Johns's mother. She couldn't help being jealous I was taking her precious son away from her and was very strict with me. Don't forget I started having sex with her son at only age 16 and in our conservative Asian, Chinese, Singaporean society, that didn't put me in a good position as a good potential daughter in law. It was equally important to her that I came from a divorced  incomplete family. I wouldn't call my family a broken family as my mum slaved to support us and keep us together. She earned enough to give us a family holiday together once a year, and after we started working, we paid to keep that tradition. Still, mother in law minded, and hence was very strict with me. She wanted something better for John.  I had to do the washing up after dinner while her precious son went to the bedroom to relax. When I stayed over, I used to do the laundry as well, but she was very fussy about how I did her laundry and after that, I never did the laundry again for them. She felt that we were too young and that John may grow tired of me so she kept her distance from me.

John is very close to his mother and if I was going to date him, I had to please his mother, like it or not. His sister and his aunts were nice to me though and that helped a lot. As I grew older, I wanted more independence and it irritated me that even ten years later, John still had to consult his mother over every little thing, been things that affected us alone. When you marry an only son, you often have to marry his mother as well.

Because we were the same age, and because johns mother did everything for him, I was sort of tasked to take over his mothering. I organized our  days and our outings. I booked the hotels and the bus or air tickets. I got to do things my way partly because I thought he would be last minute, careless and screw up if I left him to handle it alone. I waited for him to grow up but he was just too slow.

My first year was great but in that I first year, I also discovered all the problems that would eventually lead to our breakup.

My first orgasm with my boyfriend. Part 2

John is tall, 1.78? And much taller than my 1.58. So he could carry my weight for a long time. He supported me by carrying my buttocks, the weight split my cunt apart and opened me up. I helped by wrapping my legs around his waist and holding on to his neck. In that position, with me looking up into his eyes, and him looking down at me with his handsome face and kind sleepy eyes, I fell in love with him forever as I came a second time, never taking my eyes off him for a second, even as I was being pumped up and down the length of his cock, relishing the closeness with him, and the waves of pleasure that spread from deep inside me to my entire body.

I will never forget that sunny afternoon, in my room, in the quiet of my HDB flat in Sembawang, when John took me completely, body and soul. I remember that more intensely than the first time he penetrated me or the numerous dates and petting sessions before that. Maybe it's because of my orgasms and the intense physical pleasure I experienced. The body is as important as the mind.

I'm writing this blog to help Singapore women overcome their shame and inhibitions about sex. I'm also writing to help Singapore men understand their women better. So I'm frank about how I feel. Please don't think of me as a slut in a bad way. Just think of me as a normal but sensual woman with a healthy appetite for enjoying sex. I was already in love with John as a tall and handsome partner who could accompany me as a friend, but having sex with him and having orgasms with him just threw me into free fall over the cliff of love. I am half Stuly Kan as a person but also half mating animal. If I have had a fierce quarrel with John, I don't feel like having sex with him at all. But similarly, if I have had good sex with him, I love him more. My state of mind affects my desire, but the satisfaction of my desire affects my mind. It's about half half for me. As a woman, If I like a guy a lot I will want to have sex with him. But, as an animal, if a guy fucks my brains out, I can also fall in love with him, but this is not acceptable for me to say right? But my brain and my cunt affect each other. If that is being a slut, then I'm one, but I'm a good slut. I take care of my friends and I'm responsible and fair.

I'm saying all this now as a mature woman of 33, but these feelings were at the back of my mind subconsciously perhaps,even then. For most of my life, I couldn't tell them to anyone, to John, to my mother, my brother, or to my Gang of Four, my school and lifelong childhood friends. I couldn't even use the words to describe the sexual acts. Even the word 'sex' was slightly taboo. How could I tell my friends what I was doing then as a sixteen year old? I've overcome this shyness now to my close friends, but it took a decade or more.

Why am I more open sexually? Firstly, my father deserted us for another woman without providing financial support so my mother had to work long hours to support us, leaving my brother and me as unsupervised latchkey children. My father left behind a store of pornographic movies and books which I viewed over and over many times and eventually masturbated myself to, even from a tender age of 13-14. This sort of imprinted what is erotic in my brain, so that the things that turn me on are the same things in these movies. I can't really change these, or can I?

Secondly,  my mother was bringing her lovers into our three bedroom flat. My room is in the middle, and the walls aren't  thick enough to prevent me from hearing the sounds of sex in the middle of the night. By the time I was 16, my mother was with her third lover since father left us. Then my brother, who is five years older also started bringing his girlfriend home and often slept over, unlike my mother who never let her lovers stay over. She was a very expressive lover in the sense of being noisy. I was surrounded with people having sex and they were enjoying it.

Last, I enjoy sex. I have a high sex drive. Whether it's because of the first two factors, or whether I am made like that, I don't know. But after John started me on sex, masturbation wasn't what it used to be and wasn't enough.  It wasn't real or interactive enough. When I was between boyfriends and feeling lonely and horny enough, I would degrade myself to one night stands or short flings. I almost always felt very cheap and low class after these affairs, but when the desire is there, I can't control myself. But I'm not a degenerate person. I am very hard working and responsible at work. I hardly take medical leave. I stay back late to finish my work if I have to. I feel I am a good girl. I am not a shameless slut.

My first orgasm with my boyfriend

I continue from my previous post on the first time I had sex with John in a park. (Posted 2012). I'm describing my sexual experiences as a Singaporean girl. This is because I feel Singaporean girls are too repressed and inhibited. Maybe my sharing will help them be more fulfilled sexually.

I'm writing this about 17 years later so the recollection is by a sexually very experienced and more mature woman. I am now not what I was then, a young lusty and thoughtless 16 year old girl. I didn't think or reflect very much then.

He had a handsome face and he was fair and tall, with a good build. He spoke decent English like me and that's important for me. I was petite, 1.58m but I had a charming face with a sweet smile. People complimented me on my dimples. I was slender with good complexion and skin though not porcelain white. I have nice shoulders and a pert butt though my breasts are average size B. I've nicely proportioned legs though I'm short so they look better in high heels. What I want to say is that while I'm quite attractive, he was more popular with the girls in our mixed school than I was with the guys. So he was a catch for me, and I was proud to be seen dating him.

After that first time in the park, we had sex again the next day. This was the first time I had an orgasm while having sex so it's clearly etched in my memory. It was after our morning school. There was no one at home, so after eating lunch at the coffee shop downstairs, we went up to my flat. I remember being so excited, I was fumbling with my keys. While I was locking the door, he was already rubbing himself against my butt and grabbing my breasts from behind.  We French kissed while he unbuttoned my blouse and removed my bra so he could get at my breasts. He couldn't undo the clasps so I had to do it myself. The feel of his hands squeezing my breasts and pinching my nipples is something I remember very well. We stood there facing each other for a long time kissing and having my sensitive breasts rubbed until I was so excited, I took off his shirt so I could press my breasts against his hairless chest. Then he put his hands under my skirt and started massaging my buttocks, and pressing his erection into my lower belly. A few minutes later, he removed my school skirt and pushing my panties aside, started rubbing my vulva while we continued to explore each other's mouths with our tongues. He took my hand and led me to the sofa where he stripped himself naked and made me sit down. He sat down next to me facing me from the side, and we kissed with one of his hands behind my neck and the other roaming up and down my body, overly my breasts, nipples, sides, thighs and into the vulva between my legs where I was very wet. He took my hand nearest him and put it on his cock. It was hot. I pumped my hand  up and down his cock. Holding his cock was so exciting for me, that I was breathless and within a few minutes, I had an intense orgasm. I was very quiet when I climaxed,and he didn't know that I had cummed. Another couple of minutes later, he came in my hand and I pointed his cock at myself and splashed his hot semen all over my belly. The whole act had maybe taken twenty minutes.

We cuddled and relaxed on the sofa for a few minutes, then  I brought him to our bathroom where I had my first shower with another man. We soaped and rubbed each other clean under the shower, and cuddled up in my room on my single bed, naked, and fell asleep after some happy pillow talk.

I felt great to have had my first orgasm with a man. What's I have seen and heard in the collection of x rated videos and books and magazines my father left behind when he deserted our family for another woman. What had stimulated me when my mother sometimes brought a man home, and I could hear the sounds of her moaning and groaning when her passion overcame her desire not to disturb her teenage daughter in the next room. I finally had my own experience and it was wonderful. It was so much more exciting than masturbation.

I was woken up maybe an hour or two later by the sensation of Johns erection rubbing up and down the cleft of my buttocks. I pushed my buttocks back against him and put one hand behind to pull him against me. He used his free hand to roam and caress my body all over. I was wet again! He took my ankle and lifted it in the air, spreading my knees apart, and tried to enter me but he couldn't find his way so I put my hand behind to guide his cock into my waiting vagina. Your cunt is so snug and warm, he said, as he pumped into me from behind. This time, he lasted much longer as he had already cum earlier. I was well and truly fucked by him this time. Penetrated and possessed thoroughly in many ways..The spring bed creaked rhythmically as he thrust into me vigorously. I sat up and knelt down with my hands holding the headboard bar while he fucked me like a dog, pinching my nipples. Then I sat on him and put my hands behind my back to massage his balls while he massaged my breasts. Then he pushed my ankles up to ears while he penetrated to my cervix very deeply. I  He stood up and carried me with my legs around his waist, while he supported my buttocks with his hands. He pushed my back against the wall and lifted me up and down onto his spear.

Love and sex with my first boyfriend II

The last straw in my relationship with John was that even after 10 years together, he didn't want to marry me. He said he wanted to focus on his career first. I mean we have been together for ten years and I'm like begging him to marry me, and he wants to think about it. It takes two years to get to choose our BTO (built to order) HDB (housing and development board government built housing) flat and three to four years to build it which would still have meant actually moving out in five years only. So even though he couldn't commit, we did sign up for a HDB flat in Yishun, my favorite HDB  estate. But by the time the day came for us to show our marriage certificate and choose our HDB flat, we had broke up. That day was a day I remember as a day of yearning for the good old days with John and a strong desire for a place and nest of my own.

Another reason for our breakup was his indecisiveness and his inability to make any decision without consulting his mother. After we broke up, she arranged a dinner between us and told us to stop quarreling and acting like kids and asked me for a date and she would prepare for our marriage. His mother really took me for granted. It's as though his mother is proposing. In the past she didn't like the way I washed the clothes so I decided never to wash any clothes in her house. I'm quite nice to Johns sister who is very simple and abnormally short, and I had already agreed to set aside a room for her to live with us when we got married. This must be why she suddenly took my side after all these years. They were afraid the China woman won't care for Jane the way I did. I bring Jane out alone often enough. With all the stories going round about how mercenary the MIC girls are, John had such a big row with his mother that he moved out to stay with her when she refused to let the MIC stay overnight. MIC = Made in China.

I lost big time to the MIC girl. John who had never taken my side against his mother, and who never made any decision without consulting her, could stand up for the MIC against his mother. She relented and let her move in and now they are married. I saw the MIC and she is not as attractive as I am so she must have other things going for her. But how much of those other things are genuinely her and not a front put up to catch her man? I don't know but that's why they say about these PRC girls. They can be very sweet and feminine to their men and have a totally different and hard side to others. Just look them fighting unashamedly for seats and space in the overcrowded MRT trains.  MRT = mass rapid transit or subway or underground. PRC = Peoples republic of China. PRC = MIC.And the MRT trains are overcrowded because there are suddenly so many PRC and other foreigners in town. It's bad enough they come here to compete for our jobs and places in hospitals, schools, and trains. It's bad enough that they drive our wages lower and cause property prices to go up. But now they are taking away our husbands and boyfriends. I'm may be bitter and biased, but that's the coffee shop talk about old men losing their savings to young women from China. I'm sure there are nice women who come here to make a better life for themselves through honest means and not through the red light districts of Geylang, and to these women, I say I'm sorry.

Things are so expensive in Singapore nowadays. In our drive to achieve the humble Singapore dream of only just an HDB flat and a car, we have lost our loves somehow, somewhere, sometime back without realizing it at the time that it was happening, and now it's too late. All over Singapore, Singaporeans are sacrificing something precious for their materialistic Singapore dream. We just don't know what we are losing.