Sublimating my sexual energy into something else

ive been trying to get rid of my sex addiction by doing meditation but I realize practicing mind control is only one half of the solution but not enough. I've for to find another outlet for the energy inside me that's at the moment expressing itself as sexual desire. This comes from the development over many, many years of a deeply satisfying sexual relationship with Fred in which I explored my wildest sexual fantasies and found out my true sexual nature. However, I'm now a married woman with a baby, and I have to move on to the next phase of my life. The other half of the solution is to channel and divert my inner energies into something else. I wasn't as horny when I was working a full time job and even less when the baby came, but now that I'm a full time housewife, I'm completely relaxed and  well rested and my mind to turns naturally to sex. I look at the men I meet each day and occasionally I get attracted. If they are charming and witty, who knows what will happen. The Devil finds work for idle hands they say. He also finds cocks for idle cunts. I have to be on my guard to prevent the situation going out of my self control like with my yoga instructor.

Maybe I should go back to work. Or do something from home which is more flexible and suitable for a mother. I'm looking at all these online work from home schemes to see if I earn something doing online work from home. With baby asleep half the day, and with a maid doing all the housework, I've lots of free time and my mind will drift. I'm now going through all the work at home internet sites to see what I can do......

Meditation to control my sex addiction

Hi! It's been two whole weeks and I've been faithful to Tom. I've not masturbated at all and during the one time I had sex with Tom, I used my mind control to stop my sexual fantasies, and focus on Tom and on the physical details of our sex. It wasn't great sex and I didnt cum but I managed to keep my mind 95% free of thoughts of Fred or Ariff or Kumar or starhub technicians etc.

I do my yoga at home sometimes with the help of youtube and a few times a week I jog to the neighborhood park and do some exercises before returning home. This seems to help me let off steam and excess energy that met be channeled into lusty thoughts. I bring baby out for a walk every day and the walks are longer and I talk to him non stop.

 I mediate.  When Tim is asleep, I sit cross legged and with my hands on the knees in a lotus position, and I focus on my breathing. I count my breaths to a hundred and keep my mind as blank as I can. Whenever any thoughts come into my mind, I stop it and refocus on my breathing. I can't do this lying down as I will fall asleep and I think people who suffer from insomnia should try this. It's not easy to keep my mind blank and if I lapse it will be several minutes before I realize I have been thinking. I'm developing a mental muscle to stop thinking of things I don't want to think about. When I surf the net, I stop myself from straying into sex and porn sites as I will not be able to control myself.

Most of all, I stopped masturbating. If I masturbate, I will think of myself fucking somebody I know in a certain place. If the situation arises, this increases my chance of wanting to really have sex with them. All my masturbation will lead eventually to a sexual tryst with somebody, I know. It won't happen because I look for it, but if someone attractive comes at me, especially someone form my past, I won't be able to resist and I'll be easily seduced. The happiness of three people, me, My husband Tom, and baby Tim will be gone.

If I succeed , I will not be posting here again. Writing this blog has helped me express my sexual frustrations and relieve them, but it's not as good or as effective as completely suppressing my sexuality. Recalling my old sexual trysts only makes me want to do it again.

If I manage to break free from the chains of my sex crazed body, I will still come back and post to say it and my blog will continue without much sex in it.

Wish me luck!

Yoga to control my sexual desire part 2

I've been trying to control my sexual desires by jogging and yoga but was unfortunate to run I to the arms of a seductive yoga instructor. Our last lesson together just erupted my sex hormones. Please see part 1.

I can do a split but my arms can't support me in midair. So he made me sit facing him while I did my split then put my arms behind my back to push up. I couldn't do it so he sat under me with his hands under my buttocks and lifted me up and then placed me on his crotch. Through hsi trousers I could feel the rubbery tip of his cock fitting into my wide open vulva. As I was only wearing shorts and a g string, I was being stimulated sexually as he lifted me up and down into his cock. I could only stare into his eyes with lust and he was staring into mine greedily too. After that he made me sit with my back to him. I did a split again and he held my thighs up whilst he put my hands behind me around his neck. Again another few minutes of up and down upon his cock which was thrusting up through his trousers with a wet spot made by his semen and my cunt secretions. He was very strong and could support my weight. A thought flashed through my mind what wonderful sex I could have with him and so many exciting new yoga positions I've never tried.

By now I was all putty in his hands and he realized that I had given myself to him completely. So his hands were constantly touching my breasts with hardly anypretence at any positions and i was letting him do as he pleased. I was saying no, no, don't do this or that , I'm married, but I  still let his have his way with me, woth only token resistance. We were almost fucking with clothes on in the yoga room and completely drenched with sweat. I arched with my belly facing the ceiling and my arms and legs on the floor, but with my back up. He would rub my belly and occasionally go under my shorts towards my vulva until I protested, but he kept doing it again and again and getting closer and closer till he reached my clitoris. I was defenceess in that position. He would rub my buttocks every now and then pretending to support my body . Then the wheelbarrow where my legs gripped his waist while I Supported myself with my hands. He would grab my hips and press me against his crotch. We also did the reverse wheel barrow where I was facing the ceiling and arched back so I can touch the floor with my hands, while he held my buttocks against his crotch and he would gyrate a bit and grind his cock into my vulva.

We stopped when someone from the next lesson entered the room. I was arched backwards on my knees facing the ceiling with my hands backwards trying to hold my ankles and he was kneeling astride in front of my upside down face lifting my back up so I could see and smell his balls and cock at close range in front of my eyes. We disengaged ourselves as fast as we could but we were caught in the act except we were fully clothed. The woman stared at me probably with disapproval but luckily She wasn't someone I knew.

I came to my mind and was suddenly very embarassed and very guilty. How could I have allowed myself into such a compromising position. I rushed home flustered but when I was bathing, the images of what we had done came flooding back to means got me all wet again. I rushed out of the shower, and took my dildo vibrator out and sucked it, pretending it was Kumar's cook. Then I pumped my cunt with it all the while thinking of Kumar's face and body as he thrusted and pumped me to a shattering orgasm.

Yoga instead of getting rid of my lust, had sunk me even lower into the depths of a depravity my husband cannot accept. I didn't sign up for the next course even though Kumar called me and invited me to. He offered personal home lessons but I said I was keen but busy and  will call him back when I was free. He called a few times and offered free trial home lessons but I declined. However, I am still masturbating thinking of his body and his face. That was a close call.

After that incident, I was so horny, with no release that I descended into having internet messenger sex. I had a Internet sex live chat by messenger email with a young malay man doing NS who emailed dirty to me and sent me revealing photos. I emailed dirty to him too saying that I must do my fair share of NS and the only thing I could do as a weak lady was to service the men to encourage them to defend Singapore. I love seeing him in uniform even though he was younger than me by more than a decade. He showed me his cum and I masturbated to his dirty thoughts till I came too. I'm too embarassed to respond to hi again.

I've messaged dirty thoughts to another Internet male friend and mastturbated after reading his emails but never live before. After a few times, he wants to have a Skype sex session with me but I know that if I do it live with him and he has a deep male voice, I would end him in bed with him so I also declined.

Now I do meditation at least two times a day to keep my mind free of sex. I try not to masturbate because it although it brings sexual release, it just escalates my desire in the long run instead of
satisfying it. Masturbation is addictive for me and will lead to adultery and illicit sex. The idea of meditation is to exercise and strengthen  my ability not to think about something. It's working but I have relapses. Maybe if I go back to work, or if I let the Filipino maid go, I would be too busy working or doing housework to think about sex. The devil finds cocks for idle cunts.

yoga to control sexual urges

Tom doesnt know about and can't understand my sexual needs. He is so straight that when I made mild suggestions about sex, he responds with disgust, like 'yuck, or horrible....' I've been trying to seduce him into being more adventurous in sex by pretending to come upon certain sex websites by accident. Since he's religious and christian, yesterday I showed him a Christian erotica site, marriage heat.com that promotes monogamy and is subject to many restrictions. He didn't like the stories either. Maybe I showed him too kinky stuff. One story was a wife role playing as a prostitute with her husband. Another was a wife being raped by a stranger (acted by her husband). A third showed bdsm with handcuffs and collars and neck chains and nipple clamps. He was completely turned off.

I thought maybe rather than increase Toms sex drive, I should decrease mine. I ever thought of slipping testosterone pills into his food everyday but didnt do it because I was afraid of side effects. However, it's more difficult now that I've stopped working to look after my baby Tim. I'm fresh, with more energy and free time with nothing to do when baby is asleep. I'll like to have sex every day or at least every other day but Tom is so tired on weekdays, sex is mostly on weekends, once a week or a fortnight. He could find a lighter job but we are already very tight for money after I stopped working.

I don't know why my sexual desire is so high. Some lazy afternoons, my skin burns with the desire to be touched and stroked. I take a cold shower but the tap water in Singapore is often not cold enough to douse my fire. The sensation of the water in my nipples is nice and makes them erect. It's hard to lie in bed in the afternoons and not want to caress myself all over, to touch myself between my legs and my nipples. I end up masturbating, rubbing myself to orgasm. I should think only of Tom when I masturbate but I know my sexual fantasies are unacceptable to Tom, so is hard to think only of him. I try, but once I deviate from straight sex, other people will pop up in my mind and take over, like Fred, or Ricky, the taxi driver I had a one night stand with so long ago, so I cum with myself in other men's
arms in the end.

I tried to stop masturbating this way because the more I masturbate thinking of sex with other men, the more I desire to be taken by them.  I try to get out of the house to stop the desire but sometimes, when I'm out marketing or shopping or bringing Tim for a walk, I'll meet other eligible men, and if they try to chat me up, I can't resist talking to them because it's exciting for me. I think sometimes I get all flushed and I'm afraid they will notice and that I'll be unable to resist their advances, and do
something to destroy my family's happiness.

I tried jogging and going yoga and that helped a lot until one of the yoga instructors, an Indian, started giving me special attention. He's my type, tall, lean and muscular with a nice butt and speaks well. Hes very friendly and chatty and I can't help being attracted to him. He stands closer to me than the others and I should move away but I dont. Instead my heart pounds faster. He's been touching me
all over, more and more as he helps me improve my positioning, and standing closer and closer until
he now sometimes rubs his penis against my body. I can feel his the heat of his hard erection. Luckily, there are other people in the class. I know I should stop the class but I told myself I've already paid so I would finish the course and not renew. Instead I attended the class without skipping a single session. It's warm in the class, so I decided not to wear leggings but switched to shorts during class. I don't know why I bought shorts that were very short and barely covered my buttocks. Now he could touch my bare skin with his hands. The touch of his hands on my exposed thighs was electric. He started appearing in my masturbation fantasies.

The last lesson of the course, I was the only person in his class. Usually there are six or seven others. I later thought that this couldn't have been a coincidence and that he must have arranged it. He said, " just as well, I've been meaning to work on several positions with you but couldn't do so as I had to look after the others as well. Now I can give you my full undivided attention." I smiled and thanked
him politely but I knew something was going to happen but I couldn't run away from my overwhelming desire. I thought Ill just finish this last lesson and that's it. He was all over me for the hour long lesson. My short top exposes my belly when I lean back and when I arched backwards , his hands were on my back and belly, not just supporting , but stroking. I couldn't speak up to stop him. When I did the leaning forward ppositions, he positioned me with my butt sticking out, and stood behind me, holding on to my arms with my arms backwards and rubbing his cock against my butt. We held each postion for several minutes and he ws rocking me back and forth slightly so his cock was riding up and down my butt crack.

To be continued.

Finding my true sexual self with Fred

I'm happily married with my husband Tom but just wish that his sex drive was higher.

Sex with Fred was very satisfying and interesting but the biggest turn on for me was with me playing the submissive obedient sex slave willing to perform any of his wishes and fantasies. I loved being tied up and gagged and enacting his dirty stories with him. He's got a filthy mind but I just loved his role play. It turned me on to be scolded, commanded, and ordered around, doing exciting things I won't have done without being forced to, and wearing daring outfits I wouldn't have worn otherwise.

This man dominant woman submissive thing is how a man should be with a woman. It makes the man more manly and the woman more feminine. I feel sex is much better between a soft compliant submissive feminine woman and a hard, commanding, capable, confident, courageous man.

I liked to walk back to our Orchard Road apartment near the shop and wait and cook dinner for him. When he comes back after work, it feels like I'm a wife waiting for her husband to come home. Or like playing house when I was a kid.  I'll even call him Hubby to set the atmosphere. I'll be all made up with perfume, wearing something sexy, short and sheer and see -through with my nipples showing. Of course I'll be in super high heels. I'll get him to sit down, serve him a drink, and kneel down to remove his shoes and socks. Some times, still kneeling between his legs,  I'll then unzip his fly and pull out his cock and rub and suck it till he is very hard, but not till he cums. This is just an appetizer before dinner to get him warmed up. Or I'll  I'll use my hands to push my boobs together and rub his cock between them for a while. "Do you miss me ?" He will ask. "Very much." How do you miss me? I miss having your cock doing all sorts of wonderful things to me" I flirt with him. 'Well, I'll let you play with my cock a bit since you've been good.' Then I'll start to rub and masturbate him. Our sex play has changed a lot from the first time when he was courting me and I was rejecting him and hard to get, to the present when i desire him as much as he wants me and sometimes he makes me beg for sex. Ive been completely conquered by my man.

A part of total submission to him is that he gets to video our having sex and I signed a release allowing him to do anything he likes with the videos and photos. That way, I put myself totally under his control as he can punish me by posting these videos online if I do not obey him fully. Sometimes after a quarrel, I regret what I've done to myself. Fred gets me to sign these documents which he types up. He gets me all horny and lusty by enacting a sexual fantasy when I'm blackmailed into sex and when I'm all worked up and wet, he produces these documents as part of the story, I'm so far gone and about to cum, that I'll sign anything.

I also signed a contract to work for him as a shop assistant cum sexcretary, the contract says my duties include looking after his boutiques as well as serving him sexually in return for a salary. Again, this contract was signed when he was pumping me hard from behind and I couldn't think straight and I was breathless with lust for him, the signing made the sex  more exciting.

The fact that I was now totally helpless and under his control made the sex better for me. I could do anything perverted he wanted without feeling guilty because I had no choice but to obey if  my reputation wasnt going to be destroyed. It wasn't my fault but his. I was freed from the responsibility and shame for any of my actions. I did everything Fred ordered me to, and enjoyed doing it, and in doing so, Fred help me discover the true nature of my sexual self. I was a slut and whore through and through and I was filled with lust just like an animal. I only look innocent and sweet and pure outside, but inside I'm depraved, like a bitch in heat and an animal unable to control my sexual urges.

  I don't deserve love from someone Tom, my husband. I'm too depraved. I deserve to be used like a sex toy like I am with Fred and my lovers before and after him. I'm not good enough for Tom although I tried. I can never tell him what I'm like. He will just throw me out of the house  and I'll be
left on the streets as a single mum without a home, without a man,.so I dare not confess to Tom. I'm afraid I'll lose my only chance for love and happiness and end up as a second class prostitute in a shabby brothel.

After I left Fred and married Tom, Fred met up with me a few times. He really missed me and wanted to have sex with me but I refused. He tried to blackmail me but I saw that he was bluffing and just laughed him off and ignored him. I missed having sex wth him a lot too, but that is a dead end road for me and I still feel the pain of being  rejected by him (for not leaving his wife and kids to marry me). Even though when Fred and I we're together, we used to enact a fantasy of mine where I was a virtuous housewife raped, blackmailed and seduced into sex with a gangster who used his sex videos of me to extort long term sex from me. Now that it was real life, I couldn't do it. I wanted to be faithful to Tom in deed if not in thoughts. I'm still holding out but it's only a year since we were married and my baby is only half a year old. Will I be able to remain faithful for long, I don't know, but I have strong urges and the few times Fred tried to get me into bed again, I confess I was tempted. In fact, once when I was having dinner with him, I let him kiss me on the lips, and his hand slipped up my mini skirt on my thigh. I was turned on enough to get turned on and opened my legs to let him rub my wet clit for several seconds until the waitress arrived. If not for the waitress, I wonder if I would have lost control completely and  succumbed to his charms. That night, I fantasized that the waitress didn't come and we carried on and ended up in bed together for a one night stand. I masturbated to my fantasy and had an intense orgasm filled with nostalgic longing for him afterwards.

I'm a person who can get lost in the magic of the moment, and can forget that I'm married with a baby. I can just the let my  attraction  grab me and make me do things that surprise me and fill me with regret and shame after the deed is done and the lust is satisfied. Fred knows this and still tries to
play me even though he knows Im determined to try to make a good marriage and family. In another
much happier alternate universe, I didn't marry Tom. Fred left his family for me and we lived happily
ever after, with both tender love and exciting sex, and we walked along the beach into the sunset at the end, holding hands. I'll welcome him home after work as I wrote above and tease and flirt with him before dinner.

He will take a bath and dress in boxers and singlet that I've selected for him. And then we will have dinner. I'll sit next to him and we will feed each other and chat and we will be playing footsie. We will have sex after dinner. I love the feel of his warm muscular body and his manly smell. I want to open my mind and body to him, to surrender my will to him completely. He can take and use every part and every orifice in my body, my mouth, my cunt, my anus, even my ears and nostrils. He doesn't like permanent tattoos because he likes to change the tattoo. He draws all over my body with a marker. Dirty words or sexy drawings. He leaves bite marks every one can see. Most of all, he can fuck my mind anyway he wishes. I will act and dress the nymphomaniac,the slut, the prostitute, the terrorized rape victim. Anything. Our sexual union is total, my submission to his domination complete.

Tonight he is rough. (I like rough). I've just been kidnapped and am being trained for the brothel. I am fed with an aphrodisiac (?marihuana) and I'm all tied up,arms and legs behind my back, and he is whipping my buttocks and breasts and cunt with a small calfskin leather belt from one of my outfits. He isn't really hitting that hard, but enough to leave some marks for a few days, but I pretend severe pain and beg him to stop. I agree to suck his cock to stop the whipping but if the sucking is not satisfactory, the whipping continues. Soon I'm deep throating and gagging on his cock. Then I have to beg him to fuck me first in the cunt, then in the anus, and if I don't keep telling him how much I enjoy it, he whips me and pinches my nipples and bites me. I'm a mass of whip marks and bites all over. Now he wants me to cum, but I cant, so he tells me to imagine he is my bf or husband. The pain is so
intense, I do anything to avoid the pain, so I concentrate on imagining my rapist as my bf. Slowly and
surely, I start to feel aroused, and soon I'm cooperating with my own rape. My body responds with
erecting nipples, and my cunt gets wet, very wet. I'm enjoying the thrusts and feel of his penis in my
vagina. He unties me and I put my hands around his body to feel him and pull him closer inside me. He is warm and muscular. He is stronger and bigger than my bf. He forces me to say how I love fucking him much more than my own bf. I have to do it louder and again and again. I raise my pelvis to meet his thrusts into the depths of my body. I grab his buttocks to pull him deeper. I cum with a shattering orgasm and called out my bf name. He forces me to call his name . He cums and leaves his semen deep inside me.

Thsi beating and training combined with starving goes on for two weeks. The only food I get is semen which I swallow hungrily. I'm trained to call him darling and use dirty words during sex. He goes through all the sexual positions and techniques I'm expected to perform for my clients. There is a lot of anal sex....... To be continued.

Desperate (for sex) Housewives

Dear readers

This woman is in the same position as I am:

http://sg.theasianparent.com/desperate-housewife-singaporean-mums-secret-life-sex-addict/

I am still faithful to my husband but my very high sex drive means I'm very vulnerable to seduction. 

There is a link in the article to SLAA. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. I thinking of joining to get help.

Stuly