Unhappiness at home leads to unfaithfulness

Hi cherished readers,
I’m feeling very upset and depressed. I’m sorry I’ve not been writing these months because I’ve been trying to be a faithful and virtuous housewife to my husband Tom and a good mother to my hyperactive toddler Tim, and good mothers don’t harbor libidinous fantasies in case they come true and wreck the family. However it’s been a very bad month for me and I need to channel my frustrations somewhere. I’ve argued with my parents in law over buying too many sweets and sodas for Tim as the buzz of energy makes him unmanageable. He’s probably got ADHD and also doesn’t like to brush his teeth. Then I argued with Tom who says I’m being too harsh with his parents and that I should try to close one eye while our sons new teeth rot away.  My punishment was no childcare support from his parents for the last few months. Then I fought with Tom over our live-in maid. Our helper has the same build as me and she has been trying out my clothes and accessories and even going out with them when I’m not around. I found out because twice, I looked for something that I definitely haven’t worn for a long time but I found it in the laundry. I checked the cctv and saw her leaving the house early in the morning during one of her Sundays off,  wearing my clothes and shoes! She’s probably trying on all my stuff including my nighties when my son is asleep or away. Her housework is untidy and her cooking is not good but she  has a good relationship with Tim. Because of that, Tom and his parents didn’t want me to transfer her. She’s young, vain and slender and I feel she stands too close to Tom when serving him his food and drink. I had to stop her from wearing perfume when she’s working. Fortunately Tom is very straight but I still get very jealous when she’s too friendly to him, especially if he responds to her. So this wearing of my clothes was the last straw. Everyones very upset with me and they haven’t fully forgiven me yet for transferring her to another family. It didn’t help that the next 2 helpers were a total disaster and I’m still without a maid and doing all the housework myself.      

Tom and I haven’t made love for a few months because he thinks I’m a mean person. He hides in his work and his computers. Last night, I made up nicely and dressed up a little to greet him when he came home. I even got his favorite Korean honey lemon yuzu plus soda drink ready and cooked his favorite food  for dinner. I made him go to be early and cuddled up next to him to ask him about work and to pillow talk. But he remained very distant and then said he was very tired.  Soon he was snoring  and sound asleep. I know he’s been working very hard lately and too tired to have sex but I find the distance and conversation between us very cold of late. Why can’t he forgive me? It’s been months!

I’m washed and lightly perfumed and nicely dressed and all ready for him but he’s not. So many people want me but my husband doesn’t. The men I pass by or meet in the shopping centers. They still give me a second look now, in my thirties. Will they still look and smile at me the same way in 10 years?  I want to live Life now!

I can’t sleep. I open my eyes and look at Tom and then at the ceiling. There’s an unfulfilled ache in my lower belly and also a pain in my heart because he doesn’t want me and I can’t make him want me, even though there are many men waiting to take his place. I’m sad and crying. Am I so Bad and worthless? I close my eyes..and try to run away from my troubles...

I get up and put on a short tight thin black dress with a low v neckline that I’ve been saving for a hot date with Tom. I wear a Szabo pendant with a green snake coiled around a woman with a red apple representing the tempted woman.  Let someone else enjoy me in this outfit if he won’t. I make up with a glossy pink lipstick and spray a musky perfume. I decide not to wear a bra. My erect nipples make a slight protrusion through the light material. I wear my highest heels and my g string. I put a new box of condoms in my little black sling bag.

I thought of going Zouk or Ku De Ta. I thought of calling Fred or Rake or Kumar or Rick or the insurance salesman I met at the Sembawang shopping centre who’s still trying to sell me a policy. That’s too nice to Tom I felt in a rage, I keyed  Orchard  Towers  into my Grab /Uber app. The place where hookers hang out at night spots. I’m going to destroy Tom’s  treasure. Namely my self and my body, to spite him.....