i think sex for humans is not the same as sex for animals. animals are driven by instincts which are mostly inherited. Humans are different. How a man or woman gets sexually excited depends on their experiences when they are young and impressionable.. From my readings of novels, romances and movies, I have ideas and hopes of falling in love with a handsome capable man who will love me passionately whom I would love.
Unfortunately, these romantic books and movies didn't show how the sex was going to be. Instead, I learnt everything about sex from the stash of porn videos my father left behind when he deserted my mom and us. I get sexually excited by the same scenarios as in these porn. This means I get excited by scenes of forced reluctant sex, bondage and submission, seduction, blackmail, sex with the wrong people in the wrong places, adultery, kinky sex, multiple partners, etc. It also meant that the the men who excite me are the men who view me as the sexual fantasies in these porn. I'm their sexual fantasy come through because I'm brainwashed to enjoy the same kind of sex as I saw in the porn. I kept datng men who only wanted me as their sex toy and not as their steady girlfriend and potential wife to be. I was always a sexual fling for them but I wanted soemthing permanent. Of course when these boyfriends of mine were getting free wild sex, they wouldn't tell me they think I'm not suitable for them until they've had enough sex. Then I get dumped becaue they can't stand my sensitivity, stubbornness, and temper because while I'm totally submissive and pliant in the bedroom, my personality outside sex is independent snd proud . The trouble is that it usually takes years for them to tell me they have had enough of me because the sex is so good for them. (I try very hard in bed). So here I am, with 16 years of sex with maybe a dozen partners and none proposed!
The man I married respects and loves me and he would have married me without having sex with me! I was looking for love with the wrong people. For Tom, I felt that he was a good man to live with and raise kids with. I didn't have a falling in love kind of chemistry with him like I had with John or Fred. Neither did I the sexual attraction I felt with my other lovers. There was neither sex nor love with Tom. Just a recogniton that he was suitable and that he liked me a lot. I wouldn't have accepted him when I was 16 or even 26. But at 32, and still single, I had to seriously consider him. And when I gave him a chance, he slowly grew on me. He's not rich But his job is more secure than many of my lovers, his respect and liking for me showed in the consideration and tenderness in his actions. I didn't have any reason to get angry so he didn't think I was hot tempered. And he was always available me wanted to spend most of his time with me. I was his number one.
If I have a daughter in future, I wouldn't want her to go through my path. I would try to teach her to ensure that she gets sexually attracted to the people who respect and love her. There's somehting wrong with me only being sexually attracted to bad boys. It's a recipe for sadness. All my relationships were stormy because two incompatible people were stuck together by great sex. There was always soemthing making me unhappy because the respect wasn't there.
If you have good sex with some one who isnt suitable, it just prolongs a dead end relatiosnhip. It's better not to have sex until you have established a good friendship. It's a waste of time if you are looking for long term love.
As for me, I can't seem to undo my sexual preferences. I love Tom and I cum with him but I still get sexually excited by kinky naughty sex where I'm used like a sex toy.... Sigh. I'm a hopeless slut. If I'm not careful, I'll end up unfaithful and lose my life's happiness.
Unfortunately, these romantic books and movies didn't show how the sex was going to be. Instead, I learnt everything about sex from the stash of porn videos my father left behind when he deserted my mom and us. I get sexually excited by the same scenarios as in these porn. This means I get excited by scenes of forced reluctant sex, bondage and submission, seduction, blackmail, sex with the wrong people in the wrong places, adultery, kinky sex, multiple partners, etc. It also meant that the the men who excite me are the men who view me as the sexual fantasies in these porn. I'm their sexual fantasy come through because I'm brainwashed to enjoy the same kind of sex as I saw in the porn. I kept datng men who only wanted me as their sex toy and not as their steady girlfriend and potential wife to be. I was always a sexual fling for them but I wanted soemthing permanent. Of course when these boyfriends of mine were getting free wild sex, they wouldn't tell me they think I'm not suitable for them until they've had enough sex. Then I get dumped becaue they can't stand my sensitivity, stubbornness, and temper because while I'm totally submissive and pliant in the bedroom, my personality outside sex is independent snd proud . The trouble is that it usually takes years for them to tell me they have had enough of me because the sex is so good for them. (I try very hard in bed). So here I am, with 16 years of sex with maybe a dozen partners and none proposed!
The man I married respects and loves me and he would have married me without having sex with me! I was looking for love with the wrong people. For Tom, I felt that he was a good man to live with and raise kids with. I didn't have a falling in love kind of chemistry with him like I had with John or Fred. Neither did I the sexual attraction I felt with my other lovers. There was neither sex nor love with Tom. Just a recogniton that he was suitable and that he liked me a lot. I wouldn't have accepted him when I was 16 or even 26. But at 32, and still single, I had to seriously consider him. And when I gave him a chance, he slowly grew on me. He's not rich But his job is more secure than many of my lovers, his respect and liking for me showed in the consideration and tenderness in his actions. I didn't have any reason to get angry so he didn't think I was hot tempered. And he was always available me wanted to spend most of his time with me. I was his number one.
If I have a daughter in future, I wouldn't want her to go through my path. I would try to teach her to ensure that she gets sexually attracted to the people who respect and love her. There's somehting wrong with me only being sexually attracted to bad boys. It's a recipe for sadness. All my relationships were stormy because two incompatible people were stuck together by great sex. There was always soemthing making me unhappy because the respect wasn't there.
If you have good sex with some one who isnt suitable, it just prolongs a dead end relatiosnhip. It's better not to have sex until you have established a good friendship. It's a waste of time if you are looking for long term love.
As for me, I can't seem to undo my sexual preferences. I love Tom and I cum with him but I still get sexually excited by kinky naughty sex where I'm used like a sex toy.... Sigh. I'm a hopeless slut. If I'm not careful, I'll end up unfaithful and lose my life's happiness.
It's interesting that you seem to pin your high appetite for sex to the early exposure to porn or to the partners who used you for sex. There are girls who appear prim proper and demure but behind that facade they are unimaginably wild. They wouldn't be called a slut would they? Why would you?
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that I don't look like nor behave like a slut to my colleagues or my family..I don't think my ex boy friemds are complaining that I have loose sexual morals. It's just that my husband Tom is very nice but very straight and and wouldn't like the part of me that wants to have all out sex in all its forms. I'm hiding it from him and dare not drink too much in case he sees me for what I am. Part of me wants to convert him and part of me wants to be the sweet proper girl he's in love with. Forms his definition, I'm a slut.
ReplyDeleteWhens last time u and tom did it?
ReplyDeleteLast week. You are trying to say that there is less sex after babies? True, naturally. We are both busy looking after baby and new house, and Toms gone back to work. His sex drive has recovered partially after Tim came and it's already much better than when I was still pregnant so I'm not complaining. My own desire had crashed after the baby came but has slowly recovered now that I'm on full maternity leave.
ReplyDeleteI've always wanted more frequent and more prolonged and varied sex than Tom provides anyway, so I'm used to masturbating and fantasizing.
U should post some ass or body pics of yourself so we can fantasize about
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean! I used to keep a similar blog in my previous relationship, when things didn't go as well as I hoped, sexually and otherwise. Blogging was my outlet to fantasize and to satisfy that area that I felt was lacking. I deleted it when I met my current partner as he carries out my fantasies in real life. I do hope one day you can share this aspect of yourself with your husband :)
ReplyDelete-PP
Why did you delete the blog? In case your partner stumbles upon it? I have this insecurity too so my stories are disguised but not completely enough. I'm happy with Tom actually except that I have a high sex drive and I'm also sexually very playful and adventurous hence this blog. I'm going to seduce and pervert my husband the way Michelle pfeiffer did in dangerous liaisons but in a slow and subtle way, very patiently, so that he doesn't get disgusted as he is very straight.
DeleteWhy did you delete the blog? In case your partner stumbles upon it? I have this insecurity too so my stories are disguised but not completely enough. I'm happy with Tom actually except that I have a high sex drive and I'm also sexually very playful and adventurous hence this blog. I'm going to seduce and pervert my husband the way Michelle pfeiffer did in dangerous liaisons but in a slow and subtle way, very patiently, so that he doesn't get disgusted as he is very straight.
ReplyDelete