Supper, stars, and sunrise and then back to reality

Good sex, good food, catching up with old friend and lover, isn't that what life is about? It doesn't mean I don't love Tom or that I'll won't be Toms best friend in his time of need. Now I'm satisfying an old friends need and mine. I refused to think of Tom. I was determined to have a good time tonite, so we ate and drank and chatted till closing time. I don't want the night to end yet, I told Fred, let's go to the reservoir. So we drove there and sat at the water edge, watching the stars until we doze off. We went back to my apartment, and this time I let Fred sleep with me in the bed I share with Tom. We slept till sunrise. When the sun rose, we fucked again for a third time and it was very good. I fried an omelette for Fred  and we ate it with bread. I am so happy to spend a whole night  with you Fred, it was wonderful, I said, but you have to go soon or I'll get caught, and I'll hurt Tom and Tim very much. If only we could always be together. Last time you have to run off to your family and now I have to go back to mine. I let you take me because I miss you and because you are such a wonderful lover, but my future is to build a home with Tom, and a loving family for Tim. It's too late for us. If we carry on, I can't control my heart, and I won't be able to concentrate on loving them, you'll win hands down but you won't be there for me. But it was so good last nite though, so I don't have any regrets doing it with you. What a wonderful memory you gave me. Will you remember me? I'll never forget you, Fred said, lets take a selfie photo together. He used his phone camera to snap a shot of us. Good bye. I sent him to the door and gave him a long passionate kiss. We promised to meet once a year to catch up. He wiped the tears from my cheek, and then he walked away.

I walked over to collect Tim. The everyday world I live in seemed strange again after 14 hours with Fred. Mummy, mummy, he called out happily when he saw me, and he ran and jumped into my arms. I hugged him and lifted him up and swung him around. I was so glad to see him, I miss you Tim, sorry about leaving you last nite, I said. I was back. To my home, and my family, and to my future. 

Tom returned in time to spend Christmas with us. With a kid Christmas is different. We set up a Christmas tree, bought toys and goodies, ate out, and then went home to sing some carols together. Tom would sing all his holy songs and I would sing the fun kids Christmas songs for Tim. While Tom was singing, I looked at him and thought, we are so happy together, why did I risk all this happiness of all of us for one night of pleasure. Yet the night of stolen bad pleasure had been so exciting and heart pounding. It was also me. This  Christmas nite was calm heart warming joy, very different, yet so peaceful. I wanted this too.

I am trying to make it up to Tom after this fling with Fred by being extra nice. If I can get up, I will go to a few boring church services with him. That always makes him happy. I started to take off his shoes when he come home after work, get him a drink, and give  him a shoulder and neck massage. I watched his English premier league soccer with him on Saturday nite. I am watching the soccer news online to study his favorite team so I can discuss soccer with him. I'm more interested in the soccer players personal lives and scandals, but Im also taking an interest in soccer tactics and strategy, so i can discuss the game better. A few of the soccer players are quite hunky and sexy......

Will Tom ever be able to love all of me? Can I ever show him that part of me that's slutty and lascivious and kinky? I don't think He can. He'll just see it as immoral and depraved. Yet he likes something about me enough to ignore  his Christian teachings which tells them to socialize within the church. I wonder what it is about me. My looks? My deceptively sweet innocent face? I don't appear a slut socially, it's only in bed. I'm not even warm and bubbly to strangers. Does he like me enough to accept my other nature? Can I wake up the steppenwolfe  in Tom so that we can have raw animalistic sex? . I'm there to be taken by him and had for free. Can Tom ever carelessly just fuck me silly the way a real man should? Im still young and attractive and I want to be taken now when people still want me.