Come across your blog randomly and read it thoroughly.Based on the limited information, I would say you dodge a bullet there by getting out (even though he is the one leaving) from such abusive and dysfunctional relationship. It is clear that your ex is not a person that is capable of love when he choose to sleep around and use your body as his personal sexual tool.On top of the physical abuse, he even make tried and succeeded to make you feel that is was your fault for the revenge sex. Of course, two wrong doesn't make it right but if he think you are unforgivable, he should just leave you and not trying to justify his action by blackmailing you emotionally. You may still love him, but I can guarantee you that he never love you before. You are just a fuck hole to him. He kept you because you are conveniently available.So don't feel bad for yourself, be thankful that you managed to leave before it turn worse.
Dear xxxxxxIf you writing is merely frictional, then I'm glad that you didn't have to gone through the shit that you mentioned in the blog.From, xxxxxx
Thanks a lot for your sympathy.
You may not believe this but after several years, when both John and I had had other lovers, we got back together to give ourselves a second chance. That's the thing about first love. It's was clearer when I already had other men to compare with, that he wasn't that great except for his looks. He was spoilt by his mother and still so attached to her, he STILL couldn't make decisions for us without consulting her continuously. I was nice to his family but he didn't reciprocate. The last straw was when nearing our tenth anniversary, he still didn't want to get married, as he wanted to focus on his career first. I wanted a clear commitment which still wasn't going to come, so I just stopped waiting for him.
It wasn't as though I was abused and used all the way. We had a grand trip to Malacca, and I kept trying to model our relationship on beautiful memory of that. We had periods of happiness and times of just doing ordinary things together. I did enjoy having sex with him. It's just that looking back, I describe the key moments that were memorable.
The silver lining is I have had several very different lovers instead of a one and only, so unlike other couples who married their first loves, I don't wonder what other men are like, nor wonder how else life could have been. I'm now married and pregnant. My husband,Tom,is very very nice to me, my friends, and my family. He's also a more stable provider, and better qualified with a master degree from NUS working in the government service. He is quite a bit taller and slender, like John, but no where as handsome. However, after a while, his ugly face has become cute and adorable. We are renovating our resale 4 room (@1000 square feet)HDB flat now.
I'm 35 and I wanted a child, a healthy one. He's a couple of years younger, a virgin, and I was his first girlfriend, so I told him I know it's not fair to ask him for anything but I couldn't wait. It didn't matter if he didn't marry me in the end, I'd be happy to have his child and be a single mother. No strings attached, not even child support from him. Shocking? So we had unprotected sex and after a couple of years, I became pregnant. Strange how he could accept it despite being a Christian. And all those single Christian girls in his church but he chose a freethinker like me. When he found out I was pregnant, he proposed! and we got married with a baby in my tummy. So life is good. Almost perfect except my work environment could be better.
I was hounding John about settling down, but he was so reluctant. But with Tom, I just surrendered and gave up. I told him I was happy to have had the pleasure of his companionship for whatever period we stayed together, and both the sex and the baby was No Strings Attached. That was a great aphrodisiac for him. He wanted much more sex after I said that to him.
I write because a lot of what I think, I cannot express in my private life because it's not acceptable to the people around me, but I need to get them off my chest and express them. I hope my candour will allow other people to open up and talk more freely about sex and love and maybe be more true to themselves. I think that will help some people. In reaction to not being able to even use words like cock and cunt in my daily conversations, I list every single disgusting little detail about what I've done. I have a strong sex drive which is unacceptable in oriental society. To protect myself from people who cannot accept what I've said and who may be vicious, I've changed all the names and places and even the events have been changed keeping the principle of the story true. My photo looks a dead ringer for me but it's not me, my school is in the north, my birthday year is correct. My occupation is correct.
What is the truth? I'm more real in the virtual world but more virtual in the real world.
Stuly
